Orgrimmar Primaries - J. Van Auken

Hans Moleman

Hans Moleman

Carbonite Member
Orgrimmar Primaries
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We really should start paying attention.​
 
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Would that be considered a tagline more so than a logline? Not that it really matters.
Its short and simple, but it says volumes. I like it.
 
Pretty neat idea. I have never played WoW, but I knew enough to understand and get it.

Seems like this could go two ways. I'm not sure what way you were trying to take it.

Is it meant to be purely a comedy, or are you trying to make a political statement? I am guessing from the log line that it is the latter. I wasn't sure what kind of statement you were trying to make.

Another direction to go would be to have the entire election take place in the land of WoW instead of the real world.

Overall, a funny parody and worth reading!
 
You write well and I could visualize the story. I thought there were some funny moments in it. I like that he is an Orc in the modern world assuming its some sort of an analogy.

In the beginning of the script, I thought you were showing us that a candidate could be anybody that puts on a suit and spits out a general statement and doesn't really have to explain themselves. "Exit Strategy" Everybody applauses wildly without even considering whether or not he has a real plan.

I thought when the Orc killed somebody with the flag and then everyone was worried about whether or not he was being disrepectful to the flag was great. Forget about the fact that he paled someone. I thought this showed how the media and some people really twist things as to what is or isn't important during elections.

Now he's down in the polls, so he has to come up with something to get back in the race.
He makes his statement about more green.

I thought the final act, he would make some general statement with no real plan again to get people back on his side. Something like "Stormguild make you more money!" Yay everyone goes crazy, he rises in the polls.

But then he just got into another fight and I thought, maybe I read too much into this. So I guess I'm not sure what you were going for. It made me question whether there was a message here or if it was just a straight forward comedy.

If its just meant to be a comedy then the end is fine. But if if there is a message here, I think the script would benefit from a different ending, doesn't have to be the way I suggested, but something different.

I like the originality and I had fun reading it and it kept my interest as to what was going to happen next.
 
OK, first off, I have to lapse into text-speak for this but, the line "ZUG ZUG" was a complete LMAO for me. Well done.

I have to say, I wondered what the heck you were thinking when I first saw the title. Now I know, and I have to say that, as a World of Warcraft player for close to two years now, the line about the "Senator from Azeroth" is great.

But I would agree that the ending seems to lack something, and what that "something" is depends on the intent. If it's just a WoW joke, there needs, IMHO, to be one more tie-in joke to wrap it up, something along the lines of Miles saying "Noob" to Stormguild on the TV at the end (only better). If it's supposed to be more... well honestly, I got nothin' in the way of suggestions, but again, just one more great line could seal the deal.

(Oh, and just for the record, I could not--based on your screen name--resist saying this: "You took five minutes of my life, and I want them back. (beat) Oh, I'd only waste them.")
 
Cool title page.

Haven't seen this word in a long time ... prattle. Good one.

Very entertaining piece. Lot of great tongue-in-cheek stuff going on.

Thanks for sharing.

alex
 
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