My short film

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kevin mcmillan

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http://www.risevideo.org/kevin/Rise Productions1/PROJECTS/48E33852-EE4B-11DC-9C2A-000D932F85EE.html

Let me know what you think, I am amazed that it even came together considering all the problems I had. But here it is almost done minus 2 pieces. I could go on for days about problems with exposure problems in the snow, The Jib and dolly becoming unusable from the snow. The fact that I couldn't find a hand grenade anywhere because if 911. Oh ya and the 3ft of snow that fell the night before shooting.
So the grenade is CG, the shots are all tripod or (sigh) hand held:crybaby: and oh ya the morning of the shoot one actress didn't show. so I re-wrote the whole script in less then an hour and this was what was created.
 
Well man, we all go through lists of problems when making a film. In the end it's about the big things, like story, that really count.

Okay, well I wasn't really a fan of this. Sorry. I'm sure it's not what you want to hear, but everyone is entitled to their opinion. I was waiting to see where it was all going, and it ended a bit... strangely, and predictable as well.

The main problems I had with this was the story and the writing. First main thing that really stood out was accuracy. If you're doing a war film, this is something that even hollywood will try to do accurately. For example, why is he wearing green camouflage in the snow? Maybe I'm wrong, but I would assume that they would wear white like the other soldier. Then there's the laptop. Why does he have a laptop in war? Why does he need to communicate through the laptop when he has radio?

Then there's the fact that he helps this woman and trusts her wholly when you just don't think like that, not to mention that he thinks women aren't ever soldiers. Maybe he'd think that during world war 2, but this is obviously present day. Okay, maybe he's not too bright, I'll give him that. But he doesn't come off as someone of lower intelligence. This is why it was so obvious that she was the enemy when she asked him to bed.

Then there's the voice over. To be honest, it got really annoying. At first it was interesting, talking about the sandwich, etc... But to be honest, you could have done the entire film with no more than 1-4 lines. The fact that he was talking every 2 seconds got really annoying, especially when he was just stating what he was doing "gotta communicate with main HQ."

Then the ending when he blew the two of them up... why? And how did he survive that shot? Even if he did survive, wouldn't he be close to being in a comma, or in a hell of a lot of pain? And even though he seems perfectly fine, he decides to blow them both up, rather than try to grab the gun, or try to take her down with his training?

Anyways, sorry for ripping it apart, but it's to help you when you work on your next film. Focus a lot more on story. I know you had to cut someone out last minute, but that's life. How was the script originally with this other character?
 
Well like I said, the VO was because I had to re-write the whole script in less then an hour after 2 weeks planing when the main actress didn't show. so the whole story changed. In fact you could say that there really isn't much of a story at all.
But you would be surprised about a lot of things that are real in the Arny. The laptop is for a teletext burst transmission secure communications system (yes I used a regular laptop but it looks like the used in the late 90's)
White cam covers, I have 3 of them. The fact is that if you are amoungst trees and foliage you would wear the bottoms, white stands out badly (Hollywood likes Guchi not real)
I know a lot of people who are concuss for a while after being shot or blown-up before going into shock. it's not like Hollywood at all.

But yes this story is ****.
 
kevin mcmillan said:
Well like I said, the VO was because I had to re-write the whole script in less then an hour after 2 weeks planing when the main actress didn't show. so the whole story changed. In fact you could say that there really isn't much of a story at all.
But you would be surprised about a lot of things that are real in the Arny. The laptop is for a teletext burst transmission secure communications system (yes I used a regular laptop but it looks like the used in the late 90's)
White cam covers, I have 3 of them. The fact is that if you are amoungst trees and foliage you would wear the bottoms, white stands out badly (Hollywood likes Guchi not real)
I know a lot of people who are concuss for a while after being shot or blown-up before going into shock. it's not like Hollywood at all.

But yes this story is shi*.
Click to expand...

I'm not surprised that the Army used that sort of communication, but the questions is more, why would he communicate that way when he can use the radio? Is it to keep quiet?

Okay, maybe I'm wrong about the camouflage, just seems pointless when hidding amongst 1 tree, and if he moves around to other locations... anyways, I'll leave that alone.

I'm curious though, what was the girl's role? How was the story originally?
 
The idea about the burst transmission is that text is a small file like 5k, and you can send a quick transmission in a millisecond that is more difficult to intercept, detect and because it would be encrypted read.

Ya usually I wear the white bottoms but people get lazy and the fact is that movement gives you away more then anything so I told Daniel to go as fast as he can, and with snow up to your knees he was moving fast. he was dying when he got to her and he is in amazing shape.

Now for the story, this is the 4th part of a larger story. 6 interconnected short stories. She is part of a reconnaissance element that comes across a group of Combat divers resupplying a pathfinder section. She is the lone survivor who is perused until she collapses from exhaustion and exposure. There is a little bit if cat and mouse stuff with a whole lot of shooting. this all takes place in Korea during a future conflict where China has created an embargo of Taiwan creating a siege. North Korea has taken up aggression against the south with China's assistance. So this womans story is a violent one. In the bunker there is two forward observers who see her fall, the guy gets her and the story is similar except there isn't any VO. Actually decent diolauge between them. The woman who was written out of the story goes out to get a bag that was dropped when the POW shoots the guy and starts a fire fight with the other woman. grenades are thrown the woman is shot in the arm and the guy tackles the POW blowing the two of them up to save his friend.
The end is a shot of her sitting against a tree having bled to death.

That is about it for her part.
 
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