Earth Day Short Film

M

MR Films

New member
A student-made short film I produced for Earth Day to show at my high school. With the help of classmates and faculty, I believe we put together a successful production. Please leave any comments and/or constructive criticism! Questions are also welcome.


http://www.vimeo.com/927317
 
Very well done. Shot with the DVX?

Only thing I didn't like was the acting/lines and that thing with the teacher pitching the screenplay.

Other than that, it was well done.
 
Excellent short. I saw a couple of questionable cuts (jump cut with the waitress in yellow) but over all well edited, loved the overhead angles etc...
 
Thanks for the quick responses!

Thanks for the quick responses!

This was shot on the HVX with 8GB P2 card at 720/24PN. Thanks for the constructive criticism; it really does help me with future projects. Keep the comments, questions, and critiques coming!

Michael Rapadas
 
Wonderful cinematography! I really enjoyed several shots. Really kept me watching.

Remember though, a story needs conflict. Not too much happened. Directing/acting and dialogue could have been worked on, but all in all good job.

I originally wrote a long explanation of what could have been fixed up, but then I realized you were a high school student. Wouldn't have expected this out of a high school student.
 
Jon Starr said:
Wonderful cinematography! I really enjoyed several shots. Really kept me watching.

Remember though, a story needs conflict. Not too much happened. Directing/acting and dialogue could have been worked on, but all in all good job.

I originally wrote a long explanation of what could have been fixed up, but then I realized you were a high school student. Wouldn't have expected this out of a high school student.
Click to expand...

Yes, I wrote my first script and it was a very new experience for me. Please, if you still have your long explanation, post it. Improving anything I can is a general goal for me as a amateur filmmaker. The advice would be much appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to watch the short and comment.
 
Okay, so, I'll break it down as much as possible to help you.

Now the the strong point of your film is the cinematography. It's very strong. It's not just the camera you use, but how you use it.

Now the weak points are scattered around. The first one is the acting/directing/lines. All in all it's a bit weak. In terms of acting/directing, it seems as though a lot of the actors had ability but lacked proper direction. I think I saw in the credits that you did both the cinematography and the directing? If that's the case, try and either be one or the other. It's difficult to do both. In terms of lines and dialogue, sometimes the dialogue was a bit unrealistic, but also the scenes would go on for too long, or lines would just be too wordy. This comes with practice of analyzing everyday conversations.

Now the story itself I also find could be fixed. Your story lacks conflict. I'm not talking about conflict in action, but just conflict, struggle, something to drive the story. A story is basically conflict, or else there's no real story. Nothing really happens except the guy trying to help save the planet. The fact that he's trying to get the word out about saving the planet should be the conflict, but it was never emphasized. When it got to the scene with the girl at dinner I thought the story was going to pick up, and be some sort of romance story where he tries to get her to help the planet at the same time. Instead he just pushed a script. There were just too many scenes where there wasn't much going on.

For this reason, and several others, the story could have been cut down. You had the shots, which kept my attention, but some scenes (such as the photography scene, or the writing the script, or talking to the friends) cut have been cut down by a lot. What you have to ask yourself is "is this moving the story forward?" If the answer is no, then you can probably cut out the line/scene. There are few exceptions in films where scenes didn't move the story forward. an example could be from pulp fiction, the "burger royal" scene, but that has more to do with entertainment than anything.

The last point is the unrealistic stuff. It mainly has to do with the teacher. I go to university, and I have some strict teachers with due dates, but I don't know any that wouldn't take something in ten minutes late. Same goes with the speilberg thing. Why would some random teacher be friends with speilberg so much so that he can push a script in front of speilbergs face? Then there's the scene of him winning 500bucks. Sure he can be down about not doing anything to save the environment, but he just won 500$! I agree with his friends, he should have been excited. Not doing anything for the environment won't make you depressed, it'll just make you want to do something, like recycle. That seen could have easily worked just as well if his reactions were a bit more realistic. The reason I speak of this is because anything unrealistic in a realistic movie can easily pull you out of the film.

There were some good points in the script. The photography idea and the mystery script. But they should have been linked, rather than photography only being important for the first part and the script for the second. Also the girl that changes her mind at the end, although a good touch, her character just randomly came into the story. She should have been introduced earlier on, maybe even the fact that he tries to get her to change her ways being the conflict.

Anyways, good job nonetheless. Keep working on your films. Try and separate the work a bit (even though I know first hand that it's difficult to give the camera to someone else). If you ever need any extra help, questions or tips, feel free to pm me.
 
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