The Student Film Vow Of Chastity

B

BenSmerglia

Member
1. Your film must begin with an extreme closeup of your protagonist slamming an alarm clock off.

2. Your opening credit sequence must be longer than the combined running time of plot material and must contain a selection from the Requiem for a Dream soundtrack.

3. There must be at least one dead prostitute in a nearby closet or bathtub.

4. Your protagonist must have at least one flashback. This flashback cannot be subtle and must be accomplished using white flashes and a dream glow effect.

5. Your protagonist should do a line of cocaine at some point during the film. You must use flour to achieve this effect and the bag of flour should be left in sight.

6. You are not permitted to use straight cuts at any time. Clock, star, and zig-zag wipes are much more professional.

7. You must utilize every in-camera effect available on your DV camcorder.

8. Your protagonist's ending should result in his own self-induced death. The best ways of accomplishing this is either via gun against head or inaccurate slashing of the wrists.
 
Como, you're joking right?

I love the one about the swipes. And was about to chime in on the suicide thing because I thought it wouldn't be part of the list. Always saw at least 3-4 films about suicide in each class and it always frustrated me.

It's funny because my film sort of, kind of, slightly involves suicide (thus the picture below) but it's not the main theme. And it's not just a film about suicide, and doesn't necessarily end that way. :)

Also don't forget:

9. The Protagonist at one point must be chased by the antagonist for at least a minute. This helps heighten people's interest in the film. Stumbling is a plus.

10. If not by self-induced death, remember to always use a gun in your film (say by a mafia member). Cover the orange tip with black electrical tape.

11. Try and include Linkin Park and/or Evanescence in your film.
 
Not only must you use a gun, it must be visible within the first few seconds.

I mean, get real. How can you possibly know your character is a badass without that?
 
Damn... now I've got a complete re-write in my future schedule.

My old script:

Interior - Our main character's bedroom​

Stone Canyon slams his alarm clock off and grabs the gun taped to the back of his head. After some fight with the duct tape, he manages to free the 44 Magnum.

He hears a noise in his tiny, new york apartment and instantly realizes it's an intruder looking for classified information. Or it's his cat Penelope looking for food.

Thankfully realizing it was just his cat, Stone starts to pour the chow into Penelope's dish, but is interrupted as a man smashes him over the head with a frying pan. As Stone slips into unconsciousness, he glances at the man and notices a a white, powdery substance around his nose. COCAINE!

Cut to: Flashback scene: exterior - Grassy park on sunny day​

Stone is sitting on a blanket in the grass, his wife resting her head on his legs. In the distance, their daughter Moonshine plays with a grasshopper as it throws up that weird, black/purple substance that grasshoppers throw up. It's a perfect day.

Stone senses something, and without warning, hears two shots coming from across the lake. He feels a wet substance in his crotchel area unlike any other wet substance he's ever felt in that area before. It's his wife's BLOOD! he scrambles to get to Moonshine, but he's too late. The bullet pierced the grasshopper and came to a halt in Moonshine's abdomen. They're both dead.

With his mind racing, Stone looks across the lake and barely catches a glimpse of the shooter. All he can see is a white, powdery substance around his nose. COCAINE!!

Camera pulls out looking down on Stone as he screams to the heavens above.

Cut to: INT - strange warehouse​

As Stone gains his consciousness, he finds he's tied up in a lazyboy recliner, bleeding from his head, and somehow terribly hungry. He can make out in the distance a bathtub, but can't see what's inside. His instincts tell him it's a dead PROSTITUTE, and he's next.

BLAM!, he's punched in the face by an unseen fist. As he looks up, he sees he's face to face with a man. The man has a white, powdery substance around his nose. COCAINE!!!!!!

Stone realizes that this is the man who killed his family, and he wants revenge. The man speaks in a slow, COCAINE induced slur...

Man "Hello Stone"

Stone " Hello... Man"

Man "Do you know what I want from you?"

Stone "It's classified information, and I'll never give it up, Man!"​

As stone waits for a response, his bulging muscles manage to rip through the strings that are his constraints, and he lunges at Man. Man jumps out the window with Stone right on his tail, and the chase begins

Cut to: EXT - nyc warehouse district - foot chase - NIGHT​

Stone runs as fast as lighting behind Man with revenge in his eye's. Around a building, into an alley, through a warehouse, through a glass window, around another building, into another alley, and finally Stone corners him at a dead end.

Cut to: Dark Alley in NYC - Night​

He pulls out his second 44 Magnum that's always hidden in his pants, and points it at Man.

Stone "YOU KILLED MY FAMILY, AND NOW I'M GONNA KILL YOU, MAN!"

Man "Oh... yeah... sorry about the whole family thing"​

With these words, Stone has heard enough and fires one single shot into Man's scull. Man falls to the ground with a powdery substance coming from his nose. DEAD.

Stone "Apology NOT accepted, Man"​

It's finally over, and backup is on the way. As stone waits, he thinks back to his wife and daughter, Moonshine, and a tear rolls down his face. They were everything to him, and he vowed to avenge their death by killing the man who killed them.

He's done that now, and it's time to join them in Heaven. Stone slowly points the gun to his own head. Camera pans out as Stone leaves frame to the left. Just as stone goes out of frame, we hear a GUNSHOT.

The End​
 
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Does cocaine really slow people down and make them slur?

I thought it pumped people up, and made them slur...
 
I would laugh at this thread if it wasn't SO DAMNED TRUE. Someone on the site posted his student film the other day and it fit nearly all the criteria.
 
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