Two Commercials - Feedback Welcome

J

jpcoombs

New member
Below are links to two separate commercials my amateur firm has shot. Using a Canon HV20 (which I love).

The commercials and my thoughts:

1. The first shoot was for a local real estate agent in Fort Collins, CO. We did our best to emulate the "real estate" commercial look and I feel that we were successful. Low concept, but a good starter none the less. There were multiple endings shot, and this one was for the web version of the commercial.

http://www.dingotravel.net/members.html


2. The second shoot was for (again) a local company, this time a Car Wash. We tried to go a little higher concept this time, with "acting". We wanted something humorous and youth oriented, as this will be shown on college campuses. I am a big time student of film. I love independent films but dread the B acting so commonly attached to small productions. Having dealt with D actors now, I now have much more empathy. We had about twice as many lines, but once we got to the editing room floor decided that the line delivery needed work (in other words - cut it). We let the music tell much more of teh story. The X is from Magic Bullet Looks demo color correction. I have since purchased the program and it is, needless to say, incredible. Highly recommended. The final version, obviously, has the X removed.

http://www.dingotravel.net/walking.html


Just looking for some honest, constructive criticism and feedback. Technical advice more than welcome, as well as some content advice (bear in mind the next to nothing budget and staff).

We hope to purchase a Brevis or M2 lens system to help push us into a much more professional "look" and move into some short film and higher production value commercials. Any other advice or comments are welcome.
 
The one for the real estate commercial was the stronger of the two. The shot of them shaking hands was too long and forced. The windows blowing out did not help the interior shots.

The second commercial fell flat. The concept just wasn't there. A few seconds into the commercial I had already lost interest - not enough happens, it doesn't go anywhere. For example, the shots of them walking - does it really need to go back and forth and back and forth on them? Is each new shot really pushing the story line further? As you mentioned, the acting is poor - put some more focus on preproduction in casting. Without actors who can deliver, what's the point of filming them at all?

Technically, YOU NEED GOOD SOUND. Similar to your actor problem, why write dialogue if you can't hear it clearly? This may be partially due to the compression, but I know that that's not the entire part of the problem.
 
good work,

i liked the first one but as noah pointed out the first interior shot the main window was blown out (i know how it can be and i hate the blow outs)
other then that you really did capture the typical real estate look.

the second one was so so. the acting was a little weak and im not sure but it seemed to me the dialog was ADR? it could have just been the low quality web video but it seemed like the audio was a little to crisp, IE - you need more ambient noise.
 
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