Workin on a couple of ideas

ExtremeSleuth

ExtremeSleuth

Veteran
can i get some input from you guys and gals?

First idea:

A kid who is abused by his father, ignored by his mother tries to overcome his poor upbringing to become famous in Hollywood. growing up he didn't have any friends, just his sisters to keep him going. finally he makes it in Hollywood, meets a nice girl, and wants to settle down, and forget about his past. the girl's parents disapprove of the wedding because of his poor upbringing, and feel their daughter can do better than him. crushed, he finally confronts his parents about their hatred of him. it's discovered that the kid wasn't planned on, and he became a burden to the family to take care of, so they took their anger out, by hitting and abusing him. the kid finally has it out with his dad, hitting him a few times and getting closure in his life. he moves on with his life forgetting about his parents.


Second idea:

Mafia story. A kid is raised by his uncle, the head of the family. the kid's father was killed when the kid was very young, and ever since he found out about his father, has vowed to seek vengeance. the kid rises through the ranks of the family quickly, and his uncle impressed with his nephew's eagerness to help with family issues, gives the kid what he's always wanted. the name of the man who killed his father. hard part is, the guy is now in witness protection, and the kid has to make a plan to get to the guy, and finally get what he's been dreaming about his entire life.

what do you guys think?
 
i like the mafia story better. i just personally don't like movies about actors, writers, or hollywood in general. the mafia one has a nice clear built in conflict of being in the witness protection program but wanting revenge. do that one!
 
The first one sounds quite sad ^^ I thought something would happen at the end. I think just going on with his life and forgetting his parents is not the perfekt end. I miss some twist. But all in all could be very interesting.

The second one sounds very familiar. I think Lucky Number Slevin had a similar plot, even though you didnt know it throughout the film. The story didnt get me.

Just my short opinion.
 
The first one seems a little anti-climactic to me--he just hits his dad a couple of times and it's all good? I'll admit I don't know how actual abuse would play into this, but given my own experience as a kid that "wasn't planned on," :) he could maybe realize that just as his life isn't quite how he'd planned it, neither were either of his parents' lives, and decide to forgive them.

As for the second one, what if the kid discovers that his uncle has lied to him, and the guy in witness protection is about to testify against his uncle--in the murder of the kid's father? Or is that too "Hamlet?" :D
 
thanks for the input.

yes that's too Hamlet lol.

the first idea, i had toyed around with confronting the girl's parents while she wasn't around, and them really laying into him about how worthless his life was, and that he wasn't good enough for their daughter, then he confronts his own parents in anger over what the fiancee's parents said, but after hitting his father, the dad immediately comes back with a few punches, etc and the guy finally coming to terms that his life is pure ****. he's been put down his whole life, basically **** on, and then after debate decides to kill himself, but i thought, "killing the main character by suicide? it might be too much".

Lucky Number Slevin, had a plot about a kid getting revenge for the death of his father, but the kid wasn't himself involved with organized crime. he was just getting revenge. with my story, he's in the mob itself, plus there might be a side story with a girl he knocked up, and now deciding between helping take care of a family of his own, or kill the man who killed his father...

again thanks for the input. i know the first idea is a sad story, that's what it's supposed to be...



also been thinking about writing a short film (or seeing how far i can take it) based on my life growing up in rural Ohio, wanting to get out of the state, but restrictions don't allow for it. then maybe finally getting out of ohio, and seeing the world
 
First off, I'd master how to write a logline.

Secondly, what are your intentions of writing these scripts? Self produce or mainstream hollywood?

Mafia specs (last I heard) were dead. The other idea doesn't seem high concept/ interesting enough (maybe as a romcom but needs dramatic work to it).

EJ
 
I think both of your ideas are good, and have potential if you were to fill them out a bit. I like the mafia idea better, but I'm a genre guy.

EJ Pennypacker said:
Mafia specs (last I heard) were dead. The other idea doesn't seem high concept/ interesting enough (maybe as a romcom but needs dramatic work to it).EJ
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I think that you could combine some other elements with the mafia idea to make it more interesting and original. For example, you have the guy in witness protection that the mafia character wants to kill. This could add a thriller and action element to your screenplay. Maybe the first attempt at assassinating the witness fails, alerting the FBI.

Now your character is heavily guarded, making it more difficult for the mafia guy to complete his goal. Now you can ratchet up the tension by having the FBI searching for him. Now he has to decide if it is worth it with all the extra heat coming down on him. Maybe he pisses off the mafia by bringing extra attention to them for the unauthorized hit.

Anyways, you could take this in many directions if you want. (Now I'm starting to wish I came up with this idea.)
 
The Hollywood one sounds like 8 Mile with acting substituted for rapping. (You would just HAVE TO included an amateur night improv showdown scene.)

The mafia one sounds like Star Wars but set in Brooklyn.
 
I've pushed the Mafia idea aside for a while.

I'm workin' on an idea sorta based on my life. Me trying to get out of Ohio, and get into the business...(i know what you're thinking done WAY too much) but i really think that this could be interesting. Growing up as a farmer, dad wanting me to go to vet school, not approving of my filmmaking passion, a group of friends that are characters of their own.

what do you think
 
ZFarms said:
I've pushed the Mafia idea aside for a while.

I'm workin' on an idea sorta based on my life. Me trying to get out of Ohio, and get into the business...(i know what you're thinking done WAY too much) but i really think that this could be interesting. Growing up as a farmer, dad wanting me to go to vet school, not approving of my filmmaking passion, a group of friends that are characters of their own.

what do you think
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Add a talking dog, and you've got yourself a Disney movie.
 
ZFarms said:
I've pushed the Mafia idea aside for a while.

I'm workin' on an idea sorta based on my life. Me trying to get out of Ohio, and get into the business...(i know what you're thinking done WAY too much) but i really think that this could be interesting. Growing up as a farmer, dad wanting me to go to vet school, not approving of my filmmaking passion, a group of friends that are characters of their own.

what do you think
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i personally can't stand movies about filmmakers, stories about writers, etc. it's too self indulgent. however, i think you can take that story of growing up with the your dad wanting you to do one thing while you want to do another thing, and put that plot and emotion into the mafia setting, or whatever setting that is not based directly on your life. just my 2 cents.
 
ZFarms said:
I've pushed the Mafia idea aside for a while.

I'm workin' on an idea sorta based on my life. Me trying to get out of Ohio, and get into the business...(i know what you're thinking done WAY too much) but i really think that this could be interesting. Growing up as a farmer, dad wanting me to go to vet school, not approving of my filmmaking passion, a group of friends that are characters of their own.

what do you think
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IMO, 'industry' films don't fly over well with the public at large, so the 'industry' avoids them like the plague. That said, ENTOURAGE has made a big splash and it's all about the biz.

The outline of this idea sounds like it would travel well in the screenwriting contest ciruit for the most part. Doesn't sound very 'studio' nor high concept enough (dare I say) to entice most producers/agents into a read.

Your choice of concept really all boils down to where you are at your stage in writing. If you're still in that 'learning/newbie' phase, then scripts IMO like this are good practise.

EJ
 
Whats wrong with a sad movie? Why are you guys saying "It sounds sad" Aren't there a ton of sad movies out there? You can make it a happy ending:)
 
ZFarms said:
I've pushed the Mafia idea aside for a while.

I'm workin' on an idea sorta based on my life. Me trying to get out of Ohio, and get into the business...(i know what you're thinking done WAY too much) but i really think that this could be interesting. Growing up as a farmer, dad wanting me to go to vet school, not approving of my filmmaking passion, a group of friends that are characters of their own.

what do you think
Click to expand...


What if you turned your story around. You're in the biz and you totally hate it and you want to go back to Ohio.
 
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