new short film shot with dvx100b

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blackenbmx02

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auN2nN3TUCc



Hey guys, this is my first real post but im not new to the site, i have been a long time browser. I made this short about 6 days ago, entered it into a local film festival this past weekend and got honorable mention for it. can you guys please tell me what you think, i am entering it into a students-only film festival coming up pretty soon so any feedback would be nice considering i can make whatever changes to make it better. thank you!
 
Excellent use of red; the color of passion. It's passion that kills us.

The concept is a tired one, but I once heard said: "everything has been done before, but not by me." You put your style into a cliche story and it came out well.

The suicide ending is the cliche of cliches; so many artists rely on suicide to convey pain or sorrow, and sometimes for shock value. My observations of the character, from what I gathered by the scenes showing him being humorous and caring, suggest that suicide might be a passing consideration, but not the final answer. The character that (I think) he is, surrounded by this vibrant world of color, is one that would embrace the pain, to fuel him, and let him know he's alive. Passion (conveyed by your use of red) is also why we live, and why life is worth living.

Having said that, I couldn't begin to suggest what to do with the character in the end. All I could say is to be true to his character. Don't subject him to the GRAND FINALE of despair, but possibly show that his despair centers from that ever burning passion that consumes us all and, though he would like to end it, it's that same passionate despair that drives him forward. You could find a way to make it tragic without relying on suicide.

Congrats on honorable mention and good look in the future.
 
yeah, honestly, i could not think of an ending other than the typical suicide or that they both kill themselves, (as in romeo and juliet) but after time i realized that it was best (or so i thought that at the time) to end it in the manner i did, which would let your imagination take over. the main character is not only surrounded by passion, he is also overwhelmed with it and that is why i chose the specific manner of suicide he went through with; the blood coming out of him symbolizes his passion for love with her, yet the pain he has contained.
 
What film festival has a selection in 6 days and then judges? I would really like to know.
The only thing i would say to you is be careful of Copyright laws....
 
skrott said:
What film festival has a selection in 6 days and then judges? I would really like to know.
The only thing i would say to you is be careful of Copyright laws....
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it was a high school level film festival, they made selections the day before the festival and the judging was completed that day. i guess i dont have to worry about copyright laws at a high school film festival but i got what youre talking about
 
editing was nice man, lots of potential. somme cuts were really smooth
just thought the camera work was ave. keep it up
 
Even though I quit smoking two years ago, that made me crave a cigarette.

I liked the circular camera around the couple and the blown out highlights. Also, like Bezakor said... editing was nice.
 
Really good for a high school student. There's a lot of potential there. I liked the opticals at the end of the shots pushing up and down and to the sides, as well as the shot composition sin the ending sequence, as well as the 360 around the couple kissing in the flashback. Everyone else has ended their posts with "keep it up" so I guess I should to: Keep it up.
 
hey thank you guys all for the nice responses. I really wish the judges werent so critical of me using "inappropriate material" as compared to the other films showed at the festival. i am just trying to express my feelings through my films and some judges just dont see it that way, oh well ya know. and plus its at high school level so i guess they dont want to see that kinda stuff. im really trying my hardest to make a career out of this one day.







im currently writing a script to a short that i will be making towards the end of april, its leaning towards the action/drama genre(s). i will post up screen grabs as I upload footage around the end of april/beggining of may.
 
dude that was pretty good...got me watching the entire time. but at the end, when the girl comes in, her reaction was like, "oh wow look, it's my dying ex in the bathtub. i should pick this up and tell someone." it wasn't enough. but good job.
 
LuckyProducer said:
dude that was pretty good...got me watching the entire time. but at the end, when the girl comes in, her reaction was like, "oh wow look, it's my dying ex in the bathtub. i should pick this up and tell someone." it wasn't enough. but good job.
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thank you lucky. well the reason for that was that she knew she made a mistake by breaking up with him, mainly because she knew what would happen (he was a self pain inflicting person or whatever you call it), so she desperatly called him, then when that didnt work, she went to his house, only to find out that it was too late. in other words, it was no surprise to her what happened. and about the ending, your imagination is supposed to take over after she walks away with the razor blade. kinda like, i wanted it to end like romeo and juliet but i didnt, its your decision to decide what you think happens next.
 
blackenbmx02 said:
hey thank you guys all for the nice responses. I really wish the judges werent so critical of me using "inappropriate material" as compared to the other films showed at the festival. i am just trying to express my feelings through my films and some judges just dont see it that way, oh well ya know. and plus its at high school level so i guess they dont want to see that kinda stuff.
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My senior year of high school I made a short film based on Shakespeare's King Lear, but without sugarcoating the source material and did it with bloody violence and vulgarity and stuff like that, and surprisingly, I not only got away with it (partly because my teacher was a young, hardcore liberal woman), but other teachers ended up showing in their classes. I think about 10 or more different classes saw it, and I had random freshman I didn't know appraoching me in the hallways and telling me how awesome they thought the movie was. The cast memembers/classmates of mine would be appraoched too. My point is, keep making the films you're passionate about, and never censor yourself or compromise your vision.
 
Billy is right, don't ever, I mean ever, and specially for some high school teacher, compromise your vision. We wouldn't have the dark look of Godfather if it wasn't for Coppola and Gordon Willis. There would be no Clint as Blonde if it wasn't for Leone. Both directors almost walked away from their projects because the studios didn't want to have either Clint or Willis. So keep to your guns and shoot anyone who gets in your way (not literally)

Cheers
 
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blackenbmx02 said:
hey thank you guys all for the nice responses. I really wish the judges werent so critical of me using "inappropriate material" as compared to the other films showed at the festival. i am just trying to express my feelings through my films and some judges just dont see it that way, oh well ya know. and plus its at high school level so i guess they dont want to see that kinda stuff. im really trying my hardest to make a career out of this one day.
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That's a great attitude. Don't let anybody censor you - even you. The rawest of your ideas are what your subconcious wants to express - let it express them. Go wild on your movie over the summer. Make people want to watch it. This was made by a highschooler?! That's what they should be saying. You're on the right track man - I wish you luck.
 
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