My First Official Movie Posting

L

LindenDread

Member
I've been a member of this site for a looong time without posting anything significant. i think those days are over.

that said, i'd like you guys to take a look-see at a 5 min. short i shot in one day, with absolutely no budget... i had to finish the shoot in one day because of that fact. the actors didn't feel like hanging around an extra day (one day!) for pick-ups and whatnot without pay. but, i'm not stressing it. they were great and the project was a learning experience.

i specifically shot this piece for the "onthelot" contest that spielberg created. i have gotten some good responses on that site, but i think it's because those folks wanted me to view and rate THIER movies as well... so, here i am, finally, asking you guys to give a critical eye to SELF PORTRAIT:

www.intimatechess.com/ftp/self_portrait_final.mov

cheers!
d
 
Hm. Did you shoot this in 16:9? It looks stretched for some reason. Also, watch your editing. Make sure your edits flow from shot to shot.
 
what did you shot it on?
and why is there so much nosie on the video?
did you use the stock lens and matte box?
 
i shot this on the original dvx, 4:3. brandon, is there a particular spot in which the editing doesn't flow?

thanks for the comments.
cheers.
 
Nice crib! looked grainy to me too, I assumed it was the compression from the encode. I enjoyed the film. I thought the edit was good. Nice cuts from inside the house to outside where the girl in in the lot. nice angles. I had to rewind it at that point to check out your work again.
Give us more.
 
thanx man! wish that was my crib! it's actually in blairstown, nj... down the street from the site where "friday the 13th" was shot!

cheers
d
 
U got me interested until the end, then she shorted the alarm and it got cheessy, i also waiting for her to appear on the other door at the end, the end was kinda obvious, if this is your first piece you did a real nice job, all i can recommend is a better mic - RODENs are pretty good and cheap! good luck on the lot...
 
I'm not a fan of the genre - but your talent is still obvious. Better sound recording would have put you way ahead of the game. Your shooting and editing are on par, so work on your sound chops. "Sound is at least 50% of a movie" - George Lucas.
 
Ok
The beggining shots where he buys the picture are amazing. Too amazing because the later shots are not as good and they cause dissapointment. Maybe you can at least edit the colors to loook similar.
The sound as mensioned before is pretty bad when they talk in the living room and the music is too leading. you got to use the music only when it's needed.
In the night time shots where he is in bed, you used some kind of effect or something, its making the picture look like you used an old home video camcorder, very bad in my opinion you should try to remove it it doesn't add anything. Also I think you should edit it differently.
The shot where she walks in the room is full of tension and scary, really good. The shot where this big black guy is hiding under the blanket from a woman is stupid. Put more of her walking towards the bed and put like half a second of him seeing her and then she engulfes him. In the shot where she leans over him She doesn't look scary she looks friendly, and it looks stupid, cut that whole piece out.
The ending scene is too long why does a ghost witch sleep in his bed is unclear and the destroying the alarm clock is a joke that ruins the movie.
just put the last shot of her walking out to the world that is a powerful shot.
And a much shorter shot of him in the picture, just put like the least amount of frames that will make us understand that he is in the picture, more than that is an insult to us as your viewers.
but I really liked it other than that
 
thanx all!.. the problem with the night time shots is i had very low light... and i tried to adjust the levels in final cut... the result is better than the original, but still not great.

working on my second short right now... the script anyways. i welcome more comments!!

cheers!
d
 
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