UKP - an Ignatius Fischer motion picture

jeremytuttle said:
WHAT, there is going to be a longer cut. I have to see this:)
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Haha, it won't be much, but I'll let the dialogue breathe a tiny bit more, there are a couple lines that got the shaft for the contest length, but mostly the length will come in at the end, I'll extend the bit where she crushes up her speed (you know, for realism) before snorting and I'll de-compress his cleanup/get down sequence a little bit as well, so it's not so so abrupt.
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ignatius said:
Haha, it won't be much, but I'll let the dialogue breathe a tiny bit more, there are a couple lines that got the shaft for the contest length, but mostly the length will come in at the end, I'll extend the bit where she crushes up her speed (you know, for realism) before snorting and I'll de-compress his cleanup/get down sequence a little bit as well, so it's not so so abrupt.
Drogar-Smoke%28DBG%29.gif
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Sounds good. I think we are going to try and extend some shots to make it not so quick paced. Not sure, we may just move on to something else.

When you add more to here "speed snorting", will you extend her "ahhh, that was some good s#!t... now I feel better" part a little longer. The one thing I think I had an issue with is that she becomes a "better" person a little too quickly, even a second or two I think would make it better... In my opinion any way.
 
jeremytuttle said:
The one thing I think I had an issue with is that she becomes a "better" person a little too quickly, even a second or two I think would make it better... In my opinion any way.
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Yes, I agree. The transition is way too abrupt and I just dropped the ball at the end of the shoot. I can extend it a bit, but not much because I just didn't shoot enough coverage. Better next time.
 
This was GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I liked how calm and cool the guy was as his wife just bitched at him ...I had to chuckle a few times .
The ending was totally unexpected !
Acting was excellent .
In my top ten
Ian
 
arielman said:
This was GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I liked how calm and cool the guy was as his wife just bitched at him ...I had to chuckle a few times .
The ending was totally unexpected !
Acting was excellent .
In my top ten
Ian
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Thanks a lot, Ian, I'm glad the flick entertained you. I appreciate your commments.
 
16th review:

Nice logo to start. I didnt like direction at all, or any of the camera angles for that matter.

The story was actually good, but another come into the middle of something to be tricked in the end with a twist. though its better than most, of course we are going to be tricked with the way they act. You know what i mean? we are being led to not think that shes a drug addict. When its revealed in the end, im like ok, thats good, but if it was realistic we would have known that already because she would mention that and she wouldnt look so healthy, but then we wouldnt be tricked no would we by the ending?

the acting was passable but got really annoying. drug dealers dont really deliver that way either.

i didnt like this too much really. atleast it didnt have the piano soundtrack all too common, but it was far too long, it felt like, hurry already with eric, but not in a good way where i feel for the character because both are POS, and just misled the whole way.

i also didnt like the lighting, felt un pro.

thats it.

maybe i should give a disclaimer before i get warned? ( i had to stop reviewing horrorfest because i wasnt being that positive, this is how i feel and i guess ill just post until im stopped again)
 
Cynic821 said:
16th review:

Nice logo to start. I didnt like direction at all, or any of the camera angles for that matter.

The story was actually good, but another come into the middle of something to be tricked in the end with a twist. though its better than most, of course we are going to be tricked with the way they act. You know what i mean? we are being led to not think that shes a drug addict. When its revealed in the end, im like ok, thats good, but if it was realistic we would have known that already because she would mention that and she wouldnt look so healthy, but then we wouldnt be tricked no would we by the ending?

the acting was passable but got really annoying. drug dealers dont really deliver that way either.

i didnt like this too much really. atleast it didnt have the piano soundtrack all too common, but it was far too long, it felt like, hurry already with eric, but not in a good way where i feel for the character because both are POS, and just misled the whole way.

i also didnt like the lighting, felt un pro.

thats it.

maybe i should give a disclaimer before i get warned? ( i had to stop reviewing horrorfest because i wasnt being that positive, this is how i feel and i guess ill just post until im stopped again)
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No, don't stop posting your true feelings on the films, this is great. This site needs more honest critiques, that's the only way we can grow, and I don't think you were disrespectful in your review or anything, so keep on keeping on. I agree with a couple of your statements - it's a little long, and it is, of course, a story told to hit you with a twist, but that's just something I like to do.

The only statement I flat-out disagree with is that "drug dealers dont really deliver that way". Maybe not yours ...
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Thanks for taking the time to explain what you did and didn't like, much appreciated.
 
I thought this was very solid entry.
I really enjoyed the law and order slice of life cinematography - really felt like catching the action as it happened.
I though the performances were pretty good.

My critical comments have only to do with how the scene was played (some camera acting notes) and the arc of it (directing/acting notes).
1) the acting - this was serviceable acting, but it was more stage acting that camera acting - she was jut way too big. He may have been ok but I was kind of reeling from her size and volume and the way everything was pushed so that kept me pushed out of the scene to the point where what he did didn't matter too much. I realize she was tweaking, but take a look at Scanner Darkly for example and there are frantic tweaked performances that aren't so loud. You can play the same thing with that much intensity but in a medium shot the vocal work almost always needs to er on the side of sitting across a two top table from someone, since that's what the shot is basically. Always er on the side of quieter, simpler, smaller. Also I thought both actors were just trying a little too hard. Actors have a need to be interesting. To "do something" big or bring something more to the role. The irony is that the only way to be interesting in this type of slice of life thing is to not try and be interesting. I'm probably not doing a good job of explaining this. But I've been on set where one actor was supposed to be really laying into another actor and from the sidelines it looked to small or not enough, but in the monitor it was just right.
2) direction of the scene. There's a common pitfall that you succumb to a bit here I think and that's playing the end of the scene at the beginning. Now when she gets the drugs she calms down and changes, so I'll call that point "C" and think of it as an almost new scene or beat. But before that she comes into the room, I'll call that point "A", and then supposedly the conflict would increase and / or find new levels of complexity as we get to point "B" maybe the highest point before Eric shows up with the drugs. The problem is, is that you were playing point "B" for the whole scene, and that can get grating for one thing and worse it can become uninteresting. Rather than watch the scene stair step two some sort of climax, we start there and then you have to sustain it. Moreover, at that pitch, subtleties will fall by the wayside. As a writer I'm sure you embrace the notion of reversals, especially as evidenced in the writing here. So where we end a scene is very different from where we began it. This is dynamic and keeps us watching. But in the direction of the scene we have a sustained fever pitch then a drop off for point "C". My point with the reversals is that you know the greater the polarity of the reversal the more rich it is. The same goes for the arc of a scene. The greater the difference in point "A" and "B" the more the scene keeps our interest and the richer it will be. Flat arc scenes should be relegated to short expositional scenes, or at least should be avoided for an intense personal drama scene like this. So, and I know she is tweaking but even so, if you can start your scene with her trying a variety of tactics other than screaming, and get to screaming then you have a shape that will work better for the myriad reasons I just went on and on about. In fact the fact that she is tweaking is great inner obstacle for her to play against. To want to rip this guys head off and kill him, but not be able to because that will get her further from her goal - getting information about Eric's whereabouts to expedite getting the drugs then she has something rich to play. We can see that she's about to explode and that she's trying to keep it under wraps. That kind of inner conflict can drive a sene two. Remember there's conflict from the circumstances or what they put on each other but also internal conflict.

My longwinded speechifying makes the acting and arc of the scene seem like huge issues but they are small compared to the overall strength of the piece.

I have to give you kudos for tackling this. The difficulty level is way up there and I think we have never had an entry in any fest like this - a real time single scene with only the strength of the scene and the actors to carry it (maybe there is another one in this fest, but I have not seen them all yet). I really appreciate your entering this and I think it's a good piece to watch and discuss since we don't see this kind of work around here much.

Great job with it.
And thanks again. :beer:


Jack
 
Thank you very much, Jack, I totally appreciate you taking the time to speechify. In considering my time and resources, I figured it'd be a one scene, one location, two actors thing and I tried to come up with something. I'd almost like to reshoot it, but in lieu of that, will certainly be doing a second edit and will keep all this feedback in mind. Thanks again.
 
i appreciate what you had to say..... but there were..... simply.......... too many words.

groups are easier to read.

like this.

instead of:

wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswordswords
wordswordswordswords.

see?


...not to be confused with "IF"'s SwordsSwordsSwordsSwords
 
I tell you what I DO appreciate!

You sharing your thoughts :thumbsup:

THANK YOU for your criticism on my criticisms Deadpan. I'm new to these forums and don't really know how to post. So your comments are very helpful. :)

I guess I am what you would call ... gosh what was that word someone used the other day ... a "noob" I believe it was. :(

I might expect people associated with this project, or who are apparently friends of the filmmaker, to be appreciative that I even took the time to write something. Especially since this was the only film I gave such a detailed review to because I was very busy, way behind the eight ball on several projects, and my thoughts had to be dashed off in between tasks and I simply didn't have time to reread it or arrange the copy in a manner that would be most appealing to your cycloptic eye.

But since you have taken the time to write 2 POSTS bitching about my post, and used the effectively didactic devise of typing word word word word over and over again, you have driven your point home even through my uncanny obtuseness.

You, thankfully, have changed my attitude. No longer do I expect gratitude from my fellow filmmakers whom I have chosen to support by thoroughly detailing my actual thoughts, which I naively thought would be of more value than just a pat on the back.

No, no good sir. I see now that I was in the wrong. With my my new attitude (again thanks to you :) ) I now see that my post must have been terribly deficient if it could not easily sustain the attention of or caused pain to such great mind as yours.

Please accept my most humble and heart felt apology good sir. For offending you hath cleft my heart in twain.

alack ...

alack ...

alack ...

:crybaby:

Hopefully there are enough seasoned forum members around such as your self to help me through this difficult time and further instruct me on what most civilized human beings would consider good manners, because you sir, are a shining example.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, from the very cockles of my heart, nay even from somewhere in the sub cockular region, thank you, thank you, thank you,


Jack

__
 
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No no Tommy.

I appreciate you coming to my aid. Aye, you are a noble soul ... a noble soul indeed ...

But this a learning opportunity for us all to bask in.

Can you feel it ... Bask .... bask my good man, bask I tell you!

Wisdom such as Deadpan's is like a golden turd dropped from on high.

Perhaps one day you will be lucky enough to have him crap on your good intentions. But we cannot all dream of such a wonderful fortune as that.

Bask my friend, BASK!
 
I have tried but I have a Writing Disability. I have not spoken about it much in the forums. But the environment in this thread is so supportive as of late I feel I can tell you. I have a problem with hard returns. (begins fighting back tears) I know my text wold be easier to read if I broke it up in chunks. I can see it that way in my head. But somehow it doesn't come out that way. (breaks down sobbing) If only I could hit return, oh why me?!! Why me God? (sobbing uncontrollably) please don't be too hard on Deadpan ... he didn't know ... he didn't know ... he didn't know :crybaby:
 
Damn Jack everytime I read one of your post I have like 20 unknown words. I should improve my English because I'm laughing only the half of your so inspiring posts!
 
Jack Daniel Stanley said:
No no Tommy.

I appreciate you coming to my aid. Aye, you are a noble soul ... a noble soul indeed ...

But this a learning opportunity for us all to bask in.

Can you feel it ... Bask .... bask my good man, bask I tell you!

Wisdom such as Deadpan's is like a golden turd dropped from on high.

Perhaps one day you will be lucky enough to have him crap on your good intentions. But we cannot all dream of such a wonderful fortune as that.

Bask my friend, BASK!
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You know, you bring up a valid point. I have a lot to learn about social behavior in general and I CAN view this as a learning experience.

Somehow, I feel that I'm in the midst of filmmaking genious with this new information that I now posses and I believe it's due to Deadpan's reply and your humbling by his suggestion, but I could be misguided... :huh:

EDIT: If only a thread was capable of having 6 stars... if only... *sigh*
 
Jack Daniel Stanley said:
I tell you what I DO appreciate!

You sharing your thoughts :thumbsup:

THANK YOU for your criticism on my criticisms Deadpan. I'm new to these forums and don't really know how to post. So your comments are very helpful. :)

I guess I am what you would call ... gosh what was that word someone used the other day ... a "noob" I believe it was. :(

I might expect people associated with this project, or who are apparently friends of the filmmaker, to be appreciative that I even took the time to write something. Especially since this was the only film I gave such a detailed review to because I was very busy, way behind the eight ball on several projects, and my thoughts had to be dashed off in between tasks and I simply didn't have time to reread it or arrange the copy in a manner that would be most appealing to your cycloptic eye.

But since you have taken the time to write 2 POSTS bitching about my post, and used the effectively didactic devise of typing word word word word over and over again, you have driven your point home even through my uncanny obtuseness.

You, thankfully, have changed my attitude. No longer do I expect gratitude from my fellow filmmakers whom I have chosen to support by thoroughly detailing my actual thoughts, which I naively thought would be of more value than just a pat on the back.

No, no good sir. I see now that I was in the wrong. With my my new attitude (again thanks to you :) ) I now see that my post must have been terribly deficient if it could not easily sustain the attention of or caused pain to such great mind as yours.

Please accept my most humble and heart felt apology good sir. For offending you hath cleft my heart in twain.

alack ...

alack ...

alack ...

:crybaby:

Hopefully there are enough seasoned forum members around such as your self to help me through this difficult time and further instruct me on what most civilized human beings would consider good manners, because you sir, are a shining example.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart, from the very cockles of my heart, nay even from somewhere in the sub cockular region, thank you, thank you, thank you,


Jack

__
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i have a drinking problem.
 
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