PROMISED - A DahopaFilms Production

[D_and_G]

- when the music stopped and started in the bathroom it was reminiscent of porno
- infomercial music over him driving the Mercedes ?
- women are always slicing something in the kitchen. Why not onions and make the cliché complete ?
- two lesbians kill one of their husbands ? sweet. I think this had much more comedic potential. Drama wise there was little build up or conflict at all. – please make it a comedy with nudity (boobs specifically) thank you, kind sir. :beer: :beer:

 

[Michael_Petro]

- when the music stopped and started in the bathroom it was reminiscent of porno
- infomercial music over him driving the Mercedes ?
- women are always slicing something in the kitchen. Why not onions and make the cliché complete ?
- two lesbians kill one of their husbands ? sweet. I think this had much more comedic potential. Drama wise there was little build up or conflict at all. – please make it a comedy with nudity (boobs specifically) thank you, kind sir. :beer: :beer:

I am liking your ideas

 

[Dahopafilms]

Just returned from a shoot and absolutely dead tired, but couldn't resist a quick look-in on the site. To this fuzzy brain, I think everyone who commented above really nailed some truly valid and legitimate issues in relation to this piece (and echoed many of my own thoughts).

I will comment on each comment after some sleep, but in the interim I am appreciative of the time you all took to watch and post your views.

 

[Noel Evans]

Dahopa you finished on time and thats great! Some of your composition was awesome. Whilst the drive scene was a lot of time wasted. You gotta stab the dude, it didnt quite come of. But Im early on the list, this is still one of the entries I can actually call drama.

Music sucked and sound editing was average. But, overall nice work.

 

[iSTy]

hmm! i seem to have trouble downloading this one, all i get is audio, no picture S

 

[RomanJaquez]

My thoughts about "Promised"

The cinematography was beautiful. The opening was my favorite part of the movie... I thought it was neat how you captured the condensed water and used it for your title... the font was proper and so was the animation. I did not feel it for the glare at the beginning it was too "filter" and did not fit to the intro of your company.

The car shots were beautiful but felt a bit over killed... for a second I forgot I wasn't watching a Mercedez commercial it was a movie. So how import to the story was the journey on the car?

The actors are good looking and their performance was good. I guess my biggest issue was with the pace of the story.... it did not dramatically resolved in a way that is logical, considering the introduction of the characters... I was left expecting something to happen "tonight" which it did, I guess I wasn't ready to expect a third character with no history or background to be the sudden villain.

I think you have a good idea and story... perhaps 5 minutes and 49 seconds doesn't help the pace to introduce your characters and engage the audience to an emotional experience. I am sure you would do very well with more time for this story.

Best,

 

[Shawn Philip Nelson]

I just watched it and I generally got it but was confused. Okay, they're lesbians who wanted him dead. But what did the guy promise to do that night? I kept wondering that and that was never delivered. Also the music was a big distration to me. a soundtrack is supposed to flow from scene to scene, here ever single scene jump sounded like someone skipping tracks on an iPod shuffle. Your composer should try connecting scenes. The cinematography was good. The sound quality was decent except that wide angle in the bathroom. nice dolly shots

 

[Blaine]

I watched your entry and tend to agree with many of the aforementioned criticisms so I won't belabor the point. It's interesting to see how this fits into your body of work. The first thing I saw was Contraband which I thought liked. Since then, the bar has been continually raised. You definitely stepped up with Buckethead...my favorite of SciFest. This one was somewhere between the two. It was, for me, the most visually appealing but nowhere near as developed as Bucketman.

I knew immediately when I saw her chopping veggies, she was going to kill him with the knife. But you really surprised me with the ending. Bravo on that.

 

[Dahopafilms]

Sorry for being slow off the mark. A few responses for the people kind enough to have posted (while I download other's films to watch myself).

My impressions of PROMISED:

a beautifully shot film. didn’t care for the mix of a romantic-comedy-style montage (set to cheery pop music) with the darker noir tones that seemed more appropriate for this story. regardless, I think your intent was well executed -- to put a twist on an audience’s expectations. the murder could have been staged better. and no one minds watching two beautiful women kiss. no one.

thanks Zak. Without giving too much away too early, the approach to this whole thing was juxtaposition and parallelism (and people think they're mutually exclusive - HA!). Worked in some places and not in others.

Thanks for the comments on the way it was shot - that is what I focussed on here - unfortunately to the detriment of other aspects.

Absolutely agree re the stabbing scene and will comment more on that a bit later.

And as far as the beautiful women kissing - you noticed that? Cool.

 

[iSTy]

at last got it to work although didn't think much of the music, didn't really tie in with the story. Shots were good though.
Thank you.

 

[Dahopafilms]

Hey Kholi - I respect your opinions very much and thank you for them.

REVIEW: PROMISED

Second of the day. PROMISED was interesting. Content that could've been either explored for the entire six minute run or chopped down to a two minute short.

To me, one of the most valid views. Totally accurate. The story I wanted to present could have/should have been told in three minutes or less.

Another clean image. On the second watch I noticed that the camera wanted to do a few great things, but came up just a tad bit short in timing and such. S'what it's about, though... the practice. So, hopefully you got something out of it and will use it next go around!

I absolutely respect that. I was pushing the camera guys big time. I also experienced a lens problem which I will go into later (OK kiddies - let's play "Spot the Lens Problem"). Bonus points that you caught that.

Sound quality was just fine, though the soundtrack removed me entirely from anything you were trying to tell me. The music did absolutely nothing, for me, in terms of content. It almost felt like the music was just kind of thrown into the mix, but held no specific purpose.

Yes. The only music portion I ended up liking was the opening credit and the closing credit. The in-between bits should have been chucked. My concept was not pulled off in relation to sound. Each "Act" was intended to have a "theme" often running contrary to what was being visually depicted. Note that in each "Act" there was also intended to be a parallel pause in the music each time a line of dialogue was spoken. I honestly don't think it worked.

But, the focus of my reviews this go around isn't going to be technical, but on content. Woo... okay so I can understand the plot "twist", what I can't understand is why we needed to join this playboy during thirty-second kissing excercises. The first kissing scene was on the edge of too much, the second pushed it overboard. With all of that fun making we voyeured in on, I felt like I should've been learning who the heck this Eric was and why he's messing around on these two chics.

Good comments. Again, going for the parallels in relationships. Among all three. As for the timing of the kissing scenes, I admit that I was having a little fun with that and was intentionally trying to push it to make the audience a little uncomfortable. Funny how people get uncomfortable with kisses but stabbing scenes with blood pumping like crazy (which wasn't really obvious in my selected shot) don't really surprise or shock or irritate.

... I know that you only had a few months to conjure the short up, totally understand. I think that there might've been a lack of motivated writing. Was Eric a totally bad dude in the first place? I mean, why did he have to die if the two girls were messing around behind his back as well? Doesn't that make them just as bad?.

LOL! I love you man! Yeah - I came up with the general concept around mid- to late-November and was not intending to enter this in Dramafest. That changed around December 18, I lost one of my actors, had to recast and then we filmed in early January. As for motivated writing, the script is a little different (but not substantively) from what you see. Personally I think the script is perhaps better executed that the short (stupid director). And as for your questions - I guess they exemplify the fact that you have asked all the questions I was trying to get you to ask (now class, let's follow Kholi's excellent lead and see if any of these questions and comments can be applied to anything else going on in the world today ...).

Seriously, comments like these make doing these shorts worthwhile (that, and actually being able to give genuine directions like "Less tongue please, girls".)

 

[Aaron Marshall]

Brian,

Neat film. I liked the house you shot in. I think it could have been far more dramatic if the women would have gotten into it. Lets say it starts off like it normally does with the blonde. Then he goes to the store and gets some flowers. Have some romantic music playing, like he's buying them for his wife. Then the violins and cello arrangement starts slipping time slightly. Until eventually it's just wet rags over the strings creating discomfort and breaking of trust. It all slowly fades to silence.

The man shows up at the mistresses house, they start making out. Slash, he's down but the wife followed him and gets all Glen Close on his mistresse's ass. The final scene, and a big chunk of the movies is these two ladies beating the hell out of each other in a fight till the death (think Kill Bill, mixed with Fatal Attraction type vibe).

One thing that really stood out that I did not like was the musical transition from the wife, to the car/getting flower scene. Fix that, and the fade out when the car shows up at the mistresses house and it would smooth it out quite a bit.

Good job.

 

[arielman]

Brain
Remember to remind me not to" promise' anything ..lol
I liked the twist on this ( story) and here I thought she wanted him to ask his wife for a divorce . How wrong I was !

The ending ..I felt the Blond girl was surprised that her friend walked out and not the guy as she showed no Joy in the matter that the guy had just been killed . Not sure if I interpreted that correctly .
The dropping of the Shoulder bag . What was in it ? as both reached for it .
I watched this late last night so I may have missed something .

The only issue I have (small) is when he brings home the flowers to his wife / girlfriend and she puts them on the table . I kinda think most women and I might be wrong here she would of given her Hubby a big kiss or were you trying to tell us something was wrong by not having her kiss him.

"And as far as the beautiful women kissing - you noticed that? Cool."

lmao How could you not!!!

Nice attempt at a different story .
Ian

 

[Mark Johnson]

I wanted to acknowledge both the thoughtful comments by Kholi and your being open to listen to the critiques, Brian. To me, the best part of the fests is the honest analysis and critique provided by the members here. It's too bad that some people find it hard to accept or listen to criticsm, because that's where the real growth comes from (both as an auteur and as a person). When I see your enthusiastic response to the comments you've received it makes me very excited to see your next production as you obviously are listening and thinking as an artist!

 

[Dahopafilms]

YEEEHAWWWW!!! Seem now to have managed to clear off a couple of free hours so back to the site now and happy to respond to those kind-hearted folks who have posted comments. Then it's back to watching the entries (only watched 3 so far - disgraceful) ...

So, to briefly respond ...

... I enjoyed this...and after reading your posts I would love to see the comedy version. I'll bet she keeps cutting the veges in that version, after the event.

Thanks StMad - actually, in the comedy version she moves on to the sweetbreads. Not for the faint of heart ...

I was so happy when "The Nibbler" got his ...

I owe you a huge debt of gratitude. Rick's nickname will now forever be "The Nibbler". He just cringes when "Hey Nibbler!" is shouted out across a crowded room. And it gives me a wonderful idea for one of the "extras" I'm compiling ...

You have some very nice shots in there, though I can see what you mean about the dof - looks like you had 4 inches to work with. Maybe that was Eriks problem too?

So. You know Rick?

Thanks for the comments (and ideas).

... My #1 recommendation would be to can the music and the driving montage. The music just threw me off, and the driving montage was absolutely unnecessary ...

Done. Last time I comment on this point. It just hurts too much.

... And I totally called the girl on girl, right before it happened ...

Yeah. Me too. Of course I wrote it, but there ya go. Thanks for the comments.

The movie Really looked good... I will say the neck kissing made me smile ....

Thanks for the comment. Glad the neck kissing brought a smile. That was intended (sometimes I perhaps give in too fast to the pulls of my preferred genre). And after wading through the eleven hours of rough neck-nuzzling footage, I never want to see another neck again in my life. Unless it's female.

- when the music stopped and started in the bathroom it was reminiscent of porno

Er ... so you've seen porno?

- infomercial music over him driving the Mercedes ?

Not "infomercial"! Product placement, my boy. Product placement.rogar-Smoke(DBG):

- two lesbians kill one of their husbands ? sweet. I think this had much more comedic potential. Drama wise there was little build up or conflict at all. – please make it a comedy with nudity (boobs specifically) thank you, kind sir.

Who says he was a husband? (hehe). And yes, comedy lurks everywhere. As for the boobs, did you miss The Nibbler's?

To turn serious for a moment, thanks for the comments on the build up and the drama. Interesting how some posted that they saw the drama in it and others missed the drama element. I must say it's very interesting to see varying reactions (all valid) on the same piece. Thanks very much for the post.

Best thing I've seen in years, man. I could learn a lot from you.

True. True. Thanks for posting. I know how busy you are.:beer:

Some of your composition was awesome. Whilst the drive scene was a lot of time wasted. You gotta stab the dude, it didnt quite come of. But Im early on the list, this is still one of the entries I can actually call drama...

Thanks for commenting. The intention was for the actual knifing to be hidden from the viewer. The original script called for some (how should I put this ...) "fiddling about" and the stab was supposed to flow from that. But the poopy director never got good shots he could use for that and so had to go straight to the hidden stab. I agree - I don't think it worked as intended.

As for the drama comment, thanks very much - and now please go and speak to D and G and get this worked out. Thank you.

hmm! i seem to have trouble downloading this one, all i get is audio, no picture S

Ahhh. You seem to have received the "You've been a bad boy and now must listen endlessly to the 'Promised' soundtrack" version. Bummer.

... The cinematography was beautiful. The opening was my favorite part of the movie... I thought it was neat how you captured the condensed water and used it for your title... the font was proper and so was the animation ...

Roman, thanks for your thoughtful comments. Yes, I was trying for the visual this time out and some of it did work, I think. Glad you liked the opening. That was fairly easy and I assume the animation you refer to was the title reveal to match the water cascade. That was fun to do.

... The actors are good looking and their performance was good. I guess my biggest issue was with the pace of the story.... it did not dramatically resolved in a way that is logical, considering the introduction of the characters... I was left expecting something to happen "tonight" which it did, I guess I wasn't ready to expect a third character with no history or background to be the sudden villain.

I was very proud of each of these three actors. They performed as directed (and so any shortcomings are the director's - not theirs) and were terrific to work with. I never cease to be amazed at the talent of actors. Brianna, Kristine and Rico are all amazingly talented. As for the characters, it was intended that each of the three have an equal role revolving around the others. And sorry - I'm not quite understanding your "logical" issue - would like to hear more on that to see what I'm missing.

... I think you have a good idea and story... perhaps 5 minutes and 49 seconds doesn't help the pace to introduce your characters and engage the audience to an emotional experience. I am sure you would do very well with more time for this story.

I think I mentioned a few days ago that I should have taken less time to tell this. I remain of that view. I really appreciate your thoughtful comments, Roman, and thank you for them.

More responses to come ...

 

[Dahopafilms]

I just watched it and I generally got it but was confused. Okay, they're lesbians who wanted him dead. But what did the guy promise to do that night? I kept wondering that and that was never delivered ... The cinematography was good. The sound quality was decent except that wide angle in the bathroom. nice dolly shots

Hey Shawn. Thanks very much for you thoughts. Much appreciated. I think I alluded to this a few days back, but the fact you're asking those questions is exactly the response I wanted to elicit from the audience. I never wanted to deliver an on-the-nose, no mysteries short.

At the risk of rambling, one of the best experiences I ever had was about 15 years ago in London after seeing Judy Dench in "The Gift of the Gorgon". We left the theatre, went for coffee and spent about two hours talking about the play, what it meant and our interpretations of it. Who is to say that any of us were right or wrong - it was the thoughtful discussion that was bliss. In this piece, I even thought twice about telling the actors the "real" story. Eventually I did, but the energy that was created by the various interpretations of the script was terrific.

Thanks for your comment on the sound (so obvious - why didn't I catch it - it's now going to be fixed thanks to you). I also appreciate you noticing the dolly shots. Cheers! And thanks again.

... The first thing I saw was Contraband which I thought liked. Since then, the bar has been continually raised. You definitely stepped up with Buckethead...my favorite of SciFest. This one was somewhere between the two. It was, for me, the most visually appealing but nowhere near as developed as Bucketman.

I knew immediately when I saw her chopping veggies, she was going to kill him with the knife. But you really surprised me with the ending. Bravo on that.

You liked Contraband? Cool. That makes one. Glad there was a little surprise for you at the end. I appreciate your kind words and I think I agree with everything you said. Except the bit about the chopping knife. I never saw that coming at all.

Neat film. I liked the house you shot in.

Cool. An interior decorating comment. How wonderfully unexpected! (and the homeowner - one of my partners - raced up to me the other day after you had posted this, told me about your comment, and has been annoyingly puffed up ever since. Thanks Aaron. Thanks a lot.)

I think it could have been far more dramatic if the women would have gotten into it. Lets say it starts off like it normally does with the blonde. Then he goes to the store and gets some flowers. Have some romantic music playing, like he's buying them for his wife. Then the violins and cello arrangement starts slipping time slightly. Until eventually it's just wet rags over the strings creating discomfort and breaking of trust. It all slowly fades to silence.

The man shows up at the mistresses house, they start making out. Slash, he's down but the wife followed him and gets all Glen Close on his mistresse's ass. The final scene, and a big chunk of the movies is these two ladies beating the hell out of each other in a fight till the death (think Kill Bill, mixed with Fatal Attraction type vibe).

Punk kid, trying to rewrite the whole thing. What do you think you are - a writer? A movie maker? Sheesh!rogar-Love(DBG):

You know the respect I have for you Aaron. Thanks for your comments.

Now go to bed.

I liked the twist on this ( story) and here I thought she wanted him to ask his wife for a divorce . How wrong I was !

The ending ..I felt the Blond girl was surprised that her friend walked out and not the guy as she showed no Joy in the matter that the guy had just been killed . Not sure if I interpreted that correctly .

Ian - terrific comments. The piece is open to interpretation. If it has you wondering about it, our job here is done.

The dropping of the Shoulder bag . What was in it ? as both reached for it .
I watched this late last night so I may have missed something .

To paraphrase a great line from a classic movie - "I think we need a bigger knife".

The only issue I have (small) is when he brings home the flowers to his wife / girlfriend and she puts them on the table . I kinda think most women and I might be wrong here she would of given her Hubby a big kiss or were you trying to tell us something was wrong by not having her kiss him.

Now yer getting it! E x c e l l e n t ...

As always, Ian, thanks for your comments - I do value your opinion.

Now go look for the knife in the last shot ...

I wanted to acknowledge both the thoughtful comments by Kholi and your being open to listen to the critiques, Brian. To me, the best part of the fests is the honest analysis and critique provided by the members here. It's too bad that some people find it hard to accept or listen to criticsm, because that's where the real growth comes from (both as an auteur and as a person). When I see your enthusiastic response to the comments you've received it makes me very excited to see your next production as you obviously are listening and thinking as an artist!

Yeah. Right. Screw you.

(seriusly - thanks for the comment Mark - I think the approach you refer to is shared by almost everyone here. And those that don't share it don't matter)

 

[kylelewis1]

So a knife was in the bag that the lady dropped at the end? That makes a little more sense I thought you had great camera work and excellent framing. My favorite was the kitchen sink shot as you moved the camera to the lady cutting vegatables. Like the others said, the music in the middle did not fit the tone of the story. Great job.

 

[kylelewis1]

Was the brunnette going to kill the blonde at the end or was she just trying to take the evidence with her?

 

[ripupthehwy]

Well I liked the ending scene. lol

 

[Dahopafilms]

So a knife was in the bag that the lady dropped at the end? That makes a little more sense I thought you had great camera work and excellent framing. My favorite was the kitchen sink shot as you moved the camera to the lady cutting vegatables. Like the others said, the music in the middle did not fit the tone of the story. Great job.

Thanks very much Kyle.

Yeah - the knife falls out of the bag after it was dropped (and I recall we had to drop it about 11 times to get it right). Interesting that I thought the knife drop was really clear, but you're not the only one who seemed to have missed this. I think I'd use a cleaver or a hatchet or a chain saw next time.

Was the brunnette going to kill the blonde at the end or was she just trying to take the evidence with her?

Well, what do you think? (see previous posts for my approach to this story)

Thanks for your thoughts.

Well I liked the ending scene. lol

Please stop posting, Kristine.