86th Street Studios: "Catherine" by Nic Aragon
- Thread starter Cynic821
- Start date
CINEMATOGRAPHY:
This is the second film I've seen so far that has used a 35mm adapter. For the most part I think you used it to your advantage. Especially in the scenes where you were purposely throwing everything out of focus. I'm not sure if the vignetting was done in post or not but I didn't really like it. I've never been a big fan of vignetting and thought it was slightly out of place. I thought the lighting was done well. The laundry room scene had a very good look and fell to it. Also, the dolly shots were great. Very smooth.
EDITING:
Good work on the editing. I really liked how you had the opening title match with the focus pull on the shot. I thought that was a nice little touch. The cuts worked perfectly with the film. They were smooth and nothing felt out of place.
SOUND:
Everything sounded good, dialogue, soundtrack background noise all mixed together well.
SCORE:
Great job with the soundtrack. It really helped to build up the suspense towards the end and matched basically perfectly with the action that was occurring.
SCREENPLAY:
Interesting idea, how it happens that the woman who takes the apartment ends up dating the same guy that killed the woman who lived in the apartment before. I thought it was a little odd that she leaves her door unlocked yet she still takes her keys with her. And also how the "weird" guy just happened to come into the apartment at the right moment to strangle her would be murderer.
ACTING:
Your actors did a good job. The only time I thought the lead woman could've done a bit better was when she was talking about how she bought the place cause it was cheap even though someone was killed in there. other than that, the performances were good, very natural and realistic.
Overall, this was a very good film. I liked the DVXuser keychain and website promotion
rogar-BigGrin(DBG). You had a good mix of everything and the technical aspects of the film were all done well.
This is the second film I've seen so far that has used a 35mm adapter. For the most part I think you used it to your advantage. Especially in the scenes where you were purposely throwing everything out of focus. I'm not sure if the vignetting was done in post or not but I didn't really like it. I've never been a big fan of vignetting and thought it was slightly out of place. I thought the lighting was done well. The laundry room scene had a very good look and fell to it. Also, the dolly shots were great. Very smooth.
EDITING:
Good work on the editing. I really liked how you had the opening title match with the focus pull on the shot. I thought that was a nice little touch. The cuts worked perfectly with the film. They were smooth and nothing felt out of place.
SOUND:
Everything sounded good, dialogue, soundtrack background noise all mixed together well.
SCORE:
Great job with the soundtrack. It really helped to build up the suspense towards the end and matched basically perfectly with the action that was occurring.
SCREENPLAY:
Interesting idea, how it happens that the woman who takes the apartment ends up dating the same guy that killed the woman who lived in the apartment before. I thought it was a little odd that she leaves her door unlocked yet she still takes her keys with her. And also how the "weird" guy just happened to come into the apartment at the right moment to strangle her would be murderer.
ACTING:
Your actors did a good job. The only time I thought the lead woman could've done a bit better was when she was talking about how she bought the place cause it was cheap even though someone was killed in there. other than that, the performances were good, very natural and realistic.
Overall, this was a very good film. I liked the DVXuser keychain and website promotion
rogar-BigGrin(DBG). You had a good mix of everything and the technical aspects of the film were all done well.
Cynic821
Carbonite Member
thank you! 
Originally there is a scene of her using the keys to open the laundry room door in the building. That door is locked in real life , but that was a 3 second scene that had to get deleted for the 6 minute time limit 
No excuse though, i think it was a bad idea to take it out, id would have put it in if i had the chance.
Originally there is a scene of her using the keys to open the laundry room door in the building. That door is locked in real life , but that was a 3 second scene that had to get deleted for the 6 minute time limit No excuse though, i think it was a bad idea to take it out, id would have put it in if i had the chance.
This was really solid.
Particularly in acting and story.
I think you can go further in lights, production design, framing, and camera movement.
Nothing bad, but you can push yourself further I think.
Two notes on the story that you can take as you will.
SPOILER ALERT.
At 2:51 I knew the entire rest of your plot. This could be just because I spend a good bit of time thinking about story. But you worked so hard to set this guy up as a bad guy, put the keys in his possession, and let us know she was in danger. As soon as he picked up the keys I said "Boo Radley". You know the creepy guy from to Kill a Mocking Bird that Scout and her brother and all the kids in the neighborhood are scared of and then in the end shows up and saves scout and isn't scary at all? Not saying you ripped off TKAM at all, just saying that you set up so many cards that he was gonna get her that I knew he couldn't, and that he would save the day or it would be a very bad short indeed. I often say the best structure for short films is a defied expectation, which is basically joke structure, or a punchline or button. So if you set him up as the bad guy and provide him access and suggest she's in danger and then he shows up and actually does her harm , then yawn - right? THat's the straight story trajectory and works well in the long form because you have a portion of the screenplay dedicated to suggesting that the inevitable outcome is impossible. So what to do in a short. 2 things, 1 - you need to better mask or do away with some of your exposition, 2 you can add some elements that complicate his character or that are in direct conflict with the idea of him as a bad guy, so you introduce ideas that make that both seem inevitable and impossible so the savvy viewer doesn't go "aha!" and guess your story just because you are asking us to look the other way so hard. So take that one as you will, again could be just me cuz I spend a lot of time thinking about structure and I knew you were setting us up.
But the second point on the screenplay. That scene with her and the washinhg machine maintenance guy was a lot of screen time for poorly delivered and unnecessary exposition. We don't need to know anything except that someone was killed in there and people think that guy is spooky. Nothing about the neighborhood or all of that, and the scene read as largely expositional and kind of stuck out as not great writing in a short that had lots of good writing in it.
If for example she was nice to the freaky dude, the maintenance guy could have pulled her aside and told her she was crazy, that that guy is some kind of sling blade type psycho and that she should steer clear. Not saying you should go this way but no you have set up a scene between these two with CONFLICT at its core rather than a friendly chatup where he hits on her. A lot of the information could have come out in the conflict then and we might have a more complex view of the guy we are supposed to think is bad. we would also have be presenting a two sided argument on your central theme of what seems bad or dangerous may not be. Anytime you have a one sided argument on your central theme then that should be a red flag for you as well.
But anyway, as I said this was a solid effort. It always sux when someone writes three paragraphs on one or two small points they didn't like when by in large they liked it and I apologize for that, just the small dings require some explanation and
"really solid acting and story" less so.
So I will say that part again. Really solid acting and the short was well suited to the 6 minute form, appropriate and well executed for a short.
Well done.
Jack
Particularly in acting and story.
I think you can go further in lights, production design, framing, and camera movement.
Nothing bad, but you can push yourself further I think.
Two notes on the story that you can take as you will.
SPOILER ALERT.
At 2:51 I knew the entire rest of your plot. This could be just because I spend a good bit of time thinking about story. But you worked so hard to set this guy up as a bad guy, put the keys in his possession, and let us know she was in danger. As soon as he picked up the keys I said "Boo Radley". You know the creepy guy from to Kill a Mocking Bird that Scout and her brother and all the kids in the neighborhood are scared of and then in the end shows up and saves scout and isn't scary at all? Not saying you ripped off TKAM at all, just saying that you set up so many cards that he was gonna get her that I knew he couldn't, and that he would save the day or it would be a very bad short indeed. I often say the best structure for short films is a defied expectation, which is basically joke structure, or a punchline or button. So if you set him up as the bad guy and provide him access and suggest she's in danger and then he shows up and actually does her harm , then yawn - right? THat's the straight story trajectory and works well in the long form because you have a portion of the screenplay dedicated to suggesting that the inevitable outcome is impossible. So what to do in a short. 2 things, 1 - you need to better mask or do away with some of your exposition, 2 you can add some elements that complicate his character or that are in direct conflict with the idea of him as a bad guy, so you introduce ideas that make that both seem inevitable and impossible so the savvy viewer doesn't go "aha!" and guess your story just because you are asking us to look the other way so hard. So take that one as you will, again could be just me cuz I spend a lot of time thinking about structure and I knew you were setting us up.
But the second point on the screenplay. That scene with her and the washinhg machine maintenance guy was a lot of screen time for poorly delivered and unnecessary exposition. We don't need to know anything except that someone was killed in there and people think that guy is spooky. Nothing about the neighborhood or all of that, and the scene read as largely expositional and kind of stuck out as not great writing in a short that had lots of good writing in it.
If for example she was nice to the freaky dude, the maintenance guy could have pulled her aside and told her she was crazy, that that guy is some kind of sling blade type psycho and that she should steer clear. Not saying you should go this way but no you have set up a scene between these two with CONFLICT at its core rather than a friendly chatup where he hits on her. A lot of the information could have come out in the conflict then and we might have a more complex view of the guy we are supposed to think is bad. we would also have be presenting a two sided argument on your central theme of what seems bad or dangerous may not be. Anytime you have a one sided argument on your central theme then that should be a red flag for you as well.
But anyway, as I said this was a solid effort. It always sux when someone writes three paragraphs on one or two small points they didn't like when by in large they liked it and I apologize for that, just the small dings require some explanation and
"really solid acting and story" less so.
So I will say that part again. Really solid acting and the short was well suited to the 6 minute form, appropriate and well executed for a short.
Well done.
Jack
Cool. Not actually suggesting a reshoot, just FYI.
I really look forward to seeing the new edit!
I really look forward to seeing the new edit!
Sure I liked it.
As long as they are a necessary 4 minutes then yeah.
As long as they are a necessary 4 minutes then yeah.
Cynic821
Carbonite Member
i cant garuntee anything as far as that goes. Come to think of it, i think, after your review, you would probably like it less. But the final scenes were so much more "powerful" for lack of a better word in their longer version. Alot of the cuts like the knife when Tori grabs it, were 1 shot, the second to last scene, and the last scene are obviously ALOT longer, and felt better, i seriously doubt youd like it.
btw, why i have your attention....i am allowed to hijack my own thread i think
I couldnt find a thread , even searching because of the 3 character search error, but im putting together an idea of the best films here for a retail release, would you be interested in having your film be a part of it?
btw, why i have your attention....i am allowed to hijack my own thread i think
I couldnt find a thread , even searching because of the 3 character search error, but im putting together an idea of the best films here for a retail release, would you be interested in having your film be a part of it?
Sure as long as Jarred is cool with it.
I mean he does sell a DVD for it.
I mean he does sell a DVD for it.
Cynic821
Carbonite Member
Im pretty sure his rights are non exclusive. Which would be the same as my rights with the movie. Non exclusive royalty based, but with all the movies i would like to have on it before presenting it to retail, even if it sold 1000 copies (to the stores, we dont get money based on customers buying it) it would seriously be like 10 bucks each person. Id like to have 10 shorts atleast. But ya, ill ask Jarred, see how long his rights are for, this wouldnt be on shelves till next year, Friday is my deadline for all of the software and DVD's i have to finish at work to get on the shelves in time for Christmas.
TheatreGuy
Veteran
Hey Cynic, Congratulations on your film. I really enjoyed watching it. You have a nice eye there! Good story as well!
Best of luck to you. Get those A's playing ball again, will you!
Had a great time with this fest!
Ted
Best of luck to you. Get those A's playing ball again, will you!
Had a great time with this fest!
Ted
jpbankesmercer
Director Mod
All the best you pain-in-the arse
mentatDUKE
Veteran
Cynic. Hello.
I liked this. I loved the score. Probably the best of the fest. Cinematography was mostly well done. DOF was maybe a bit too shallow. I loved the colors. I love what you did with the girl holding the detergent while talking to the repairman. Your control of colors of the clothing, background, and objects was well done. Very painterly.
The dialogue was a bit heavy on exposition. The banter was a bit uncomfortable and slightly cheesy. Almost Cinemax-like. Sorry to be so harsh on that.
Nice edits with the date coming and the girl trying to get out.
The killer twist was ok, but maybe revealed too early. No surprise with it. And the setup with the keys let us all know she'd be rescued by the misfit. Not subtle enough.
The kick to the face was brutal and realistic. Well done! We kept rewinding it.
I liked the look of this. Story could have been slightly better. Music was GREAT! < gimmie an mp3 of it. now. >
Good job. One of the best.
I liked this. I loved the score. Probably the best of the fest. Cinematography was mostly well done. DOF was maybe a bit too shallow. I loved the colors. I love what you did with the girl holding the detergent while talking to the repairman. Your control of colors of the clothing, background, and objects was well done. Very painterly.
The dialogue was a bit heavy on exposition. The banter was a bit uncomfortable and slightly cheesy. Almost Cinemax-like. Sorry to be so harsh on that.
Nice edits with the date coming and the girl trying to get out.
The killer twist was ok, but maybe revealed too early. No surprise with it. And the setup with the keys let us all know she'd be rescued by the misfit. Not subtle enough.
The kick to the face was brutal and realistic. Well done! We kept rewinding it.
I liked the look of this. Story could have been slightly better. Music was GREAT! < gimmie an mp3 of it. now.
>Good job. One of the best.