My first fest "Betrayed"

OUCH my chin hurts :)

OUCH my chin hurts :)

OUCH my chin hurts :)

** I think, for safety's sake, we should've rated these Horror-fest Films. Yours is an R at the very least, definitely. **

Agreed thats why I posted that first thing at the top of the thread


*** Script - I think it qualifies as horror on the spirit-revenge merit, otherwise I can't see it as horror. ***

agreed again thats why i called it... a supernatural suspense horror thing.

*** Direction - Working. The "in-the-woods" following scenes weren't bad. It was hard to tell if I were voyeuring in on parts from camera POV. The aerial camera shot in the woods was a neat addition. Way to climb a tree. Might have to work on shot choices a lot more in the future. Each one really does count. ***

I shot the same scenes multiple times. tough choices i'll get better :) i think:)



*** The acting over all was a weak point. But congratulate them on the effort. Doing stuff like that in front of the camera takes guts. ***

I'm gonna put up Carli's demo.. she was amazing and when you see it i think you will see what i mean (gotta hone my script writing and director skills)

*** Cine/Lighting - Didn't really see any. Did you use available light and call it a day? I can understand it on a budget, so I'm not really hanging on this at all. Even a few creative light choices that cost say five bux will work. I saw another user using an actual desk lamp to get his lighting and it looked great. A little extra can go a long way when applied right. ****

This one through me.. I had lighting out the wazoo it was so freaking hot in that room we where all sweateing.


*** Sound - Microphone picked up voices well. I was in headphones so I heard it. I also heard the music a lot more than anything they were saying. The music is very distracting, and almost pulls me back to an Evanessence video when applied with the visuals. Soundtrack didn't really work for me. But it's a choice and I'm sure you made the right one for yourself. ****

The music was on purpose. At one point I was trying it with no dialogue.


*** The chopping sounds were also off at one point.**

Yeah caught that after I uploaded but i tell everyone its bone cracking :)


*** Special Effects - Blood looked like blood. ***

made it my self :)

*** Scariest Moments - The part where I thought the guy was gonna get hit by the van. Which was an okay way to say "he's dead". ***

Thats cool I didn't think I had a scary moment :)

*** Overall consensus - A little too R-Rated for me. I think the delivery/presentation needed to be stronger along with the script. ***


Thanks for watching and taking the time to post I appreciate it.



__________________
 
On the lighting - maybe it was just really flat? It really seemed like the room lights but maybe that was the point?

No problem. Thanks for entering!
 
Kholi said:
On the lighting - maybe it was just really flat? It really seemed like the room lights but maybe that was the point?

No problem. Thanks for entering!
Click to expand...


maybe i was throwing the light the wrong .. i had a tenency to reflect it off the ceiling to wash the room...
 
Michael, just watched Betrayed.

It was OK. I found the story interesting, remined me of Les Diaboliques!
The score was nice, nice songs.
It had nice editing, smooth and the story was running in a nice format, not boring in any part. I really liked the shots in the car and with the guy on the road.

The sound was a bit off sometimes, when she sees the guy and fires the gun in the woods, at one point she's holding the gun in a way that she's not firing it yet we hear a gun shot.

The blood was nice when she was chopping him but the sound didnt remind me of a body getting chopped...not that i've witnessed such an act ;)

The screenplay was somewhat strange...ok there is the general idea of the murder of a guy and the two lovers and the ghost hunting them but I believe there was still some work to be done to make it more concrete.

In terms of acting, knowing how hard it is to get real actors I cant say much, they delivered their parts OK and I liked the fact that they showed commitment by going all the way.
However I have to say that the nudity was unnecessary. Dont get me wrong, I know how to appreciate a lady's body but in this concept and in this story I found the nude scenes kinda out of context. You could just have gone with the semi-nude or the underwear stead of showing it all. This is just cause I wouldnt want my movie to put people out of focus coz believe me this will do that!
 
**** However I have to say that the nudity was unnecessary. Dont get me wrong, I know how to appreciate a lady's body but in this concept and in this story I found the nude scenes kinda out of context. You could just have gone with the semi-nude or the underwear stead of showing it all. This is just cause I wouldnt want my movie to put people out of focus coz believe me this will do that! ****


funny you should say that .. there are two nude scenes both where supposed to get you the idea that they where nude but not show you. The first was when she walked in the bathroom she was supposed to be inside the door before the bra came off but we got a glimpse anyway.. the other when she sits up in the tub, the original cut was cropped so you could not see anything ( I figured enticing was better). but a funny thing happened if you look at the gun at the bottom of the handle there is twist T for tightening the C02 cartrage and it was glaring right in the camera.(everthing I did was handheld so i was focused on framing the shot and never noticed the gun until i started editing). So I recropped it brought the new cut over her house and asked her if it was OK ... I personally liked the end sequence (the music and all) and would have redone it if she asked, and thats how it got in there.

Thanks for watching and commenting I spent alot of time making this ..so when I go again It will be nice to do it more efficiantly and hopefully better..
 
Betrayed

Betrayed

Michael:
First of all, congratulations on your first DVXFest. Hopefully, the first of many. This is a great community to make films in, nowhere else can you get the sometimes brutal, often random, and always arbitrary feedback that makes this community interesting, at worst, and with a little humility, very useful indeed.

On to my thoughts -
I really think you have the core of a strong story here, if not a remarkably original one. Revenge is a great motivator, as is the idea of the dead coming back to haunt the living - heck, ghost stories are something everyone can relate to.
That said, the execution is a definite hallmark of inexperience. It looks a lot like the earliest films I made with my DVX. The lighting is very flat, and there's little definition of camera length. With limited depth of field, those are probably your strongest cinematographic tools - think carefully when you use them.
The long and medium shots that fill this film don't really convey the intensity of the emotion or the performances - use editing and close-ups next time to really hit those high points. An audience has to be guided, invited - they're not going to make the whole journey by themselves.
Sound recording was poor - was it an onboard mic? If so, your very next investment should be a Sennheiser shotgun mic, or at the very least an Audio-Technica. It costs a fraction of what you already paid for your DVX, and it's a must for quality filmmaking.
The usage of music in film should never be as a crutch to cover bad transitions, weak performances, or a general lack of excitement in the film (which is not to say that's what it's doing here). But I do suggest strongly that you watch a cut of this movie with no music at all (maybe no sound), and see if it holds your attention as well. If not, your music is only hurting your film, not helping it.
Also, be careful with dissolves - hard cuts are nearly always preferable. Dissolves indicate passage of time (typically) and they have a softness which tends to drag down pace.
Anyhow, thanks for making a film, I enjoyed watching it, and see you next fest.
-Ben
 
Hey Michael -

Whoa - that was a whole lotta ladykissin'.

For the most part, I have to echo what's been said. All the elements (cinematography, sound, score, acting) were okay, but I didn't see anything really fantastic in those areas (but also nothing really horrible) - but that's pretty typical for first time out, right?

I didn't really understand why you had the voiceover in there halfway through, and then it just went away. What are your thoughts on that?

I really liked the circular camera movement in the forest - made it very apparent that the girlfriend had just kind of disappeared.

Kudos to your actors for putting themselves out there.

Sounds like you had a lot of fun making this - good work!
 
**** Sound recording was poor - was it an onboard mic? If so, your very next investment should be a Sennheiser shotgun mic, or at the very least an Audio-Technica. It costs a fraction of what you already paid for your DVX, and it's a must for quality filmmaking. *****

I use a Superlux Cm-h8A Sound (http://www.soundonsound.com/sos/Jan02/articles/superluxmics.asp)

My main problem is these two little switches on the cam have to be set right :) when i would do the running scenes I would use the camera mic but when we would get back to the other I would forget to switch back..hence when evr we started filming the cast would say IS THE MIC ON ( and they did it all the time even when where eating dinner :) )


Thanks for watching
 
Lingothree said:
Hey Michael -

** Whoa - that was a whole lotta ladykissin'. ***

Had to keep doing retakes ..not sure why wierd huh??? :) JK

**** For the most part, I have to echo what's been said. All the elements (cinematography, sound, score, acting) were okay, but I didn't see anything really fantastic in those areas (but also nothing really horrible) - but that's pretty typical for first time out, right? ****

Since it was my first film I thought i'd go linier story line just to get it right. I told everone in the film it was atypical

**** I didn't really understand why you had the voiceover in there halfway through, and then it just went away. What are your thoughts on that? ***

The voice over came late. I had a good minute of just visual which is ok but i thought it needed something...


*** I really liked the circular camera movement in the forest - made it very apparent that the girlfriend had just kind of disappeared. ****

Yeah my second favorite scene! I thought it really worked good we where all barefooted walking on hot street to keep things quit

*** Kudos to your actors for putting themselves out there. ***

Sounds like you had a lot of fun making this - good work!
Click to expand...

(edit)(YIKES read in the blue square)

Had a blast but it was very exausting lots of conflicting scedules


Thanks for watching and thanks for your comments :)
 
Acting: Young actors that went for it, just a little inexperienced. But the girls tried hard a selling a difficult theme.
Script: Not bad, not amazing but you told a story!
Direction: Good choice of shot’s.
Music: A little eighties at the beginning but liked the last track.
Editing: Flowed.
Lighting: Wanted to lift just a little but some was nice.
Loved: Your logo! The fact you opened with two lesbians kissing and taking their tops off…:) You gotta have nuts to go for that PROPS++++ The low walking shots, the kissing, (Joke!), but I did love it, :) :) Why was he so mad? How you laid the title in so late, first gunshot made me jump liked how you brought it in so early, slow-mo (Really nice), overhead shot (in the tree?), bloodbath scene showed nice anguish, the fact you threw in one last boob shot. Props to the actress for having the guts to do it.
Hated: Wanted a grittier sound on the chopping, thought she cleaned up a little too fast, the fact she took the gun with her (he was dead, how many people does she want to kill?), the later gunshot Foley’s, maybe because they were in quick succession, wanted a better muzzle flash, the quick ghost fade,
Overall: A good short.


Really great for a first film, keep at it guys.

J.P.
 
good work.

i thought this movie was way cool in a exploitative, low budge, cult horror kind of way.

i think this movie could be really popular in some circles - it kind of reminds me of the stuff that was coming out of the lower east side in the 80s

the music, and acting, and camera moves really added to the feel.

one thing about the script that you might consider is adding something in the beginning that lets us know that one of the girls on the room is the guys girlfriend.

my favorite part is the girl in the tub holding the gun up to her head - i really like the way it went with the music.
 
Thanks Luster, and thanks for mentioning my favorite scene the gun to the head with the music.. Originally it was her screaming , then the makeup girl (Christy Mullis) turned me on to this local band (theEmbraced.net) and when I heard that song "Coma" I was like perfect.

Thanks for watching and making my night with your comments :)
 
Okay Michael, I watched your film as one of my first of the festival because I liked your hype and honesty and I must say that for your first attempt at this, you did really well! I want to post a detailed review for ya!
Matt Sconce's Review of Betrayed
*****POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW********

Script
I totally see where the story was going and I like the vengeance theme, but I think its gets a little confusing near the end. Just unraveled a bit in the forest, but then came back together for the last scene with the gun in the tub. I think there is a lot of potential lurking here.
Acting
I thought Heather was a little stiff in the acting and that the others did pretty good! I respect them for being brave and putting it all on the line. They are definitely die hard actors! hang on to them!
Cinematography
There was some nice stuff here. I thought the scene where she shoots him was well done. I also freakin LOVED LOVED LOVED the scene where they are headed toward them on the road and then go through him. Good stuff! I would light more moody. the way I would do it, is pump a 1000 watt at the actors from the area the light would be coming from, and then shoot the other 1000 watt (Both with a softbox for diffusion or a sheet to diffuse the light) toward them from much farther away. Or if the room is small, shine the second light away from them and then bounce the light back to fill. More light, click a ND filter on, lower the master PED to about -7 and I think your images will rock!
Editing
Definitely stick with straight cuts, and avoid the fades and such unless it is a purposeful choice of transition for a reason. Location or time change. Good job here though. it flowed well together. Some minor sound issues like the gunshot when the gun was away and stuff, but pretty good!
Score
The music at the end was awesome as was the acting.
Overall Impressions
I enjoyed your film, thought it flowed well, give props to you and your crew, and want to let you know you have definite talent and I hope you keep on making movies, as they will just keep getting better! Congratulations on completing this movie!!!!
 
hey msconce thanks for the review.. I think after this fest is over I am going to do some test filming with different light setups since everyone is mentioning it, it must need wome work. It wasn't for lack of lights I tell ya, 'cuz I still got the tan form them:) must just be the way....eh I will figure it out :)

*** Overall Impressions
I enjoyed your film, thought it flowed well, give props to you and your crew, and want to let you know you have definite talent and I hope you keep on making movies, as they will just keep getting better! Congratulations on completing this movie!!!! ***

DUDE after seeing your movie I'm amazed at your comment. thank you :)
 
CINEMATOGRAPHY:

Great shots, your use of the dolly was effective in the beginning and definitely gave it a better feel then just leaving the camera static. Also the shots following around Jason when he went into the kitchen and then back to their door were very smooth. Again I liked how you didn't just stay static and pan around him. The driving shot where the camera is first near the road and then comes up to show the women driving was awesome, I loved it. The shots in the woods were great, I saw a picture of the rig that you used and it definitely worked well. As far as lighting goes, the interior shots seemed very flat, but you did a good job of keeping control of exposure outside.

EDITING:

Very smooth. I didn't feel like any of the cuts were out of place, or that you should've cut the film any differently. The cuts to the flashback scenes were nicely done, the only one that seemed slightly rough was the first one when she got out of the car. But other then that, nicely placed.

SOUND:

At times the actors audio seemed low in comparison to the background noise, and then sometimes it seemed very loud. I'd say make sure to keep your eye on the VU meter in your editing program so that the audio levels stay consistent. I liked how you made sure that things that made noise were heard. The little things like the trunk opening, or the leaves and branches on the ground breaking. Some of the sound effects were a little off, such as a few of the gunshots, but I didn't notice that until the 2nd time I watched it.

SCORE:

The score definitely matched the feeling of this film and I felt that it worked almost perfectly in the beginning. It's awesome how you were able to get permission to use the music that you chose.

SCREENPLAY:

I definitely understand the idea, and for the most part you pulled it off quite well. I definitely expected Jason to be the one that shot someone, but you surprised me when I saw the woman in the bathroom shooting him.

ACTING:

While the acting wasn't 100% it was good to see your actors at least going for it. I thougt that Jason's reaction to seeing the women together was kinda weak. I realize that it was a shock to see that, I was still expecting him to yell or appear more angry rather then depressed. I was a little disappointed in the womens acting, a lot seemed fake. I got the impression that they were putting their all into the roles, but they just didn't really become the characters which held back the realism a little bit.

Overall, I think you did a good job. I can tell that you've got the basic's down, and that you understand what works and what doesnt. With that being said, there's definitely room for improvement and entering these fest's are a great place to help you with that. I know that your work will keep improving and I can't wait to see what you come up with next.
 
Thanks macintosh for watching and the comments

** Great shots, your use of the dolly was effective **
Grandma's wheel chair worked then cool :)

*** The driving shot where the camera is first near the road and then comes up to show the women driving was awesome, I loved it. ***

At this point I am hanging out the van side door holding on to the roof rack with one hand and the DVX in the other. I tell heather dirve about 20 and look straight ahead. well that was bad advice cuz she didnt look at the speedometer she was pushing 45-50 MPH. YIKES! but I thought it looked cool :)

Hey thanks again for watching.
 
I fail to understand why the girlfriend shot the boyfriend. It's not like he was keeping her from doing anything. He seemed expendable. What motivated her to kill him? For the stories sake, instead of going to the kitchen and throwing a toddler tantrum, he should have went into the bedroom and beat the hell out of her. This way you feel some sort of justification.

It did have a cult horror kind of feel to it like Ginger Snaps. The acting was extremely poor. The music made me feel like I was watching Degrassi.
 
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