Consequence by Jazz Dog
- Thread starter Jazz Dog
- Start date
Edgen
Veteran
I love your quote on your signature 
There were some really good moments and many of the edits were just... SOOO Fast! The soundtrack... Come to me next time, I can point you to about 20+ talented kickass composers who are itching to score films for free. I would highly recommend one.
I understood the movie and where you were going with it. I think there's still a few things you could do to improve. Was this your first film?
congrats on getting it finished on time.
/j
There were some really good moments and many of the edits were just... SOOO Fast! The soundtrack... Come to me next time, I can point you to about 20+ talented kickass composers who are itching to score films for free. I would highly recommend one.
I understood the movie and where you were going with it. I think there's still a few things you could do to improve. Was this your first film?
congrats on getting it finished on time.
/j
First horror film. I have had 2 other shorts that have been in festivals and a bunch of other just mess around stuff.
I know I was trying to squeeze a lot of stuff into 6 minutes...learned to keep it simple next time.
Would love to have it composed instead of weak apple loops but with a 60 hour a week job I just didn't have the time. Plan to make a longer version so any composing help would be much appreciated...
Thanks!
I know I was trying to squeeze a lot of stuff into 6 minutes...learned to keep it simple next time.
Would love to have it composed instead of weak apple loops but with a 60 hour a week job I just didn't have the time. Plan to make a longer version so any composing help would be much appreciated...
Thanks!
Review | POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT! I watch the movies first time around strictly for enjoyment, second and third for review.
You had some serious subject matter going on. I'm asking the same question as Justin: Is this your first go around? I'm not going to go into detail just because I watched it earlier before you made a thread and I don't want to try to remember it all without re-watching, it wouldn't be fair.
What I can remember thinking was that you have a great concept. The script would need work if you wanted to pull it off a bit better. But the concept is great, dude. Very bold subject matter. It actually made me sad to know that the dude would go and hide some crap like that. It's effective, which means you should try to re-shape it.
The editing really threw me for a loop. I couldn't understand what the heck was going on. But you explained why so i get ya.
You should try to massage it into a shorter version. I'm almost certain you don't need the excess fat and you'll probably get something more out of it.
Good job on getting something in!
You had some serious subject matter going on. I'm asking the same question as Justin: Is this your first go around? I'm not going to go into detail just because I watched it earlier before you made a thread and I don't want to try to remember it all without re-watching, it wouldn't be fair.
What I can remember thinking was that you have a great concept. The script would need work if you wanted to pull it off a bit better. But the concept is great, dude. Very bold subject matter. It actually made me sad to know that the dude would go and hide some crap like that. It's effective, which means you should try to re-shape it.
The editing really threw me for a loop. I couldn't understand what the heck was going on. But you explained why so i get ya.
You should try to massage it into a shorter version. I'm almost certain you don't need the excess fat and you'll probably get something more out of it.
Good job on getting something in!
Edgen
Veteran
Jazz Dog said:
OOH NO!! That in itself is just pure Horror!
ya man, get in touch with me on your next round. I'll be happy to work with you and/or otherwise, I've got an army of talented musicians will to work to get their name out there. Beats the HECK out of Apple Loops.
Keep at it my friend and keep telling your stories to us all.
/j
penfever
Well-known member
Mmm...army of talented musicians - now that's what I like to hear. I could use one of those on the film I'm trying to get scored right now. Heh, but that's another story.
Edgen, you're really a hero, making the rounds of the fest reviews. This is where the good work gets done, baby.
Hey, just noticed you're in LA also...we should meet up, I could use a guy like you no doubt.
On to the film...
I'm not sure what I can say to you that will be helpful. It's some tough subject matter to be sure, but the treatment doesn't really give it the weight it deserves. I think originality really counts in a situation like this, it really does. There's just way too much of this film that feels like something that has gone before.
I think on the next go-round, you should try to do something less ambitious. Look at Broken Circle or maybe 334 Lost Lake Drive for an idea of how to do more with less. Catherine's not a bad example either. Take a small, simple story and kill it. Just kill it. Then move on to broad ranging, topical horror-revenge-drama.
At any rate, congratulations on getting a film out there, and best of luck in the voting.
-Ben
Edgen, you're really a hero, making the rounds of the fest reviews. This is where the good work gets done, baby.
Hey, just noticed you're in LA also...we should meet up, I could use a guy like you no doubt.
On to the film...
I'm not sure what I can say to you that will be helpful. It's some tough subject matter to be sure, but the treatment doesn't really give it the weight it deserves. I think originality really counts in a situation like this, it really does. There's just way too much of this film that feels like something that has gone before.
I think on the next go-round, you should try to do something less ambitious. Look at Broken Circle or maybe 334 Lost Lake Drive for an idea of how to do more with less. Catherine's not a bad example either. Take a small, simple story and kill it. Just kill it. Then move on to broad ranging, topical horror-revenge-drama.
At any rate, congratulations on getting a film out there, and best of luck in the voting.
-Ben
VersuS
Veteran
Watched it!
Ok seeing as you had a 9 minute version and cut cut cut I dont know how to take this 6 minute one, but I ll say that editing was very rough...there were some 1sec clips out of place and there was problem with continuity in some cases.
I loved the story. It has great potential! If you paid more attention to your sound design you could get away with something really disturbing. I also found that you used all the light you could get...was this intentional? Maybe if most of it was dark it could play better with this kind of editing....
All in all, great job and good luck!
Ok seeing as you had a 9 minute version and cut cut cut I dont know how to take this 6 minute one, but I ll say that editing was very rough...there were some 1sec clips out of place and there was problem with continuity in some cases.
I loved the story. It has great potential! If you paid more attention to your sound design you could get away with something really disturbing. I also found that you used all the light you could get...was this intentional? Maybe if most of it was dark it could play better with this kind of editing....
All in all, great job and good luck!
Thanks for the feedback. Most of this was thrown together with a shot or two after work with my wife then a couple early in the morning the following couple days. Really not a good way to shoot a flick. That is me in the movie so most of the shots were just me by myself late at night. I like the story so my hope is to make a better version of it without the deadline. (just heard about horrorfest 2 weeks before the deadline)
With you help I can make this a better film.
Thanks.
With you help I can make this a better film.
Thanks.
Matt Sconce
Veteran
Matt Sconce's Review of Consequences
SPOLIERS POSSIBLE!
Script
I see where you were going with this and think it almost worked. I was conused a bit, but think it just needs some refinement. I think the concept is excellent and was one I had not heard of before. Very Original!
Acting
The acting was good, nothing I can think of bad and that is a good thing! I think their performance worked!
Cinematography
Some shots I would have framed differently, and I would have added a bit of motion to them as well. It also felt a washed out? Maybe lower the Master Pedestal on the camera a bit? Again though, those are just contructive criticisms. What you did worked, and facilitated the telling af a unique story!
Editing
This needs some tweaking. I think some shots need to be left longer and others perhaps shorter. It is a pacing thing. I agree, the movie could be shortened a bit. I think it will help the feel of it. My other comment is that the moment of impact of the car and the man needs to be tweaked. Perhaps, green screen yourself, scale your self down, and replace your self at the moment of impact, dragging the superimosed self to the right with the car. The way it is now, it looks like you dissapeared. Final Destination has a nice example of this with the bus hitting the girl.
Overall Impressions
I think this short has potential and a great story waiting to be developed. If this flowed well and was paced well, I think it would be very powerful. It already makes you feel emotions and that is the sign of a good movie in my opinion. Good job!
SPOLIERS POSSIBLE!
Script
I see where you were going with this and think it almost worked. I was conused a bit, but think it just needs some refinement. I think the concept is excellent and was one I had not heard of before. Very Original!
Acting
The acting was good, nothing I can think of bad and that is a good thing!
I think their performance worked!Cinematography
Some shots I would have framed differently, and I would have added a bit of motion to them as well. It also felt a washed out? Maybe lower the Master Pedestal on the camera a bit? Again though, those are just contructive criticisms. What you did worked, and facilitated the telling af a unique story!
Editing
This needs some tweaking. I think some shots need to be left longer and others perhaps shorter. It is a pacing thing. I agree, the movie could be shortened a bit. I think it will help the feel of it. My other comment is that the moment of impact of the car and the man needs to be tweaked. Perhaps, green screen yourself, scale your self down, and replace your self at the moment of impact, dragging the superimosed self to the right with the car. The way it is now, it looks like you dissapeared. Final Destination has a nice example of this with the bus hitting the girl.
Overall Impressions
I think this short has potential and a great story waiting to be developed. If this flowed well and was paced well, I think it would be very powerful. It already makes you feel emotions and that is the sign of a good movie in my opinion. Good job!
Lingothree
Well-known member
I think you have a really good story here, and it could benefit from a little reshooting to resolve some lighting issues, and it could also benefit from some extra time and care in editing and score. Definitely like the story, though, so you have some good bones to move forward with this!
seejay1031
Well-known member
The lighting killed it for me before I even got into the story. There seemed to be one hard low placed light in every shot, even when they were sleeping. It really distanced me from the story and world of the film.
Ambitous subject material... which is part of the problem. The plot is so heavy that any unreality turns it into pure cheese. If the viewer has this shot to look at, that calls attention to the fact that it is video, and is then expected to believe the pain of the character... it just doesn't work. I think some of the earlier poster were onto something in keeping plots ubersimple for short films.
Keep it up.
Ambitous subject material... which is part of the problem. The plot is so heavy that any unreality turns it into pure cheese. If the viewer has this shot to look at, that calls attention to the fact that it is video, and is then expected to believe the pain of the character... it just doesn't work. I think some of the earlier poster were onto something in keeping plots ubersimple for short films.
Keep it up.
cinealma
Veteran
Firstly, the acting by the women in this film was top notch, especially by the woman who played the wife. But her talent was wasted on this one. I just didn't buy the story. This is one of those ideas that sounds really good on paper, but after you write the script you realize that it just won't work.
One of the biggest questions for me is: why did he keep the damn tape?
The baby getting knocked out of the swing and breaking her neck/busting her head/ or ?, seemed a little over the top within the confines of this story. It was shocking to see, I 'll give you that. But I would assume that any professional would have noticed that the baby would have died from TRAUMA and not suffocation from a pillow or whatever.
Anyway, kudos to the gal who played the wife (shame on me for not getting her name). She was terrific.
John G.
One of the biggest questions for me is: why did he keep the damn tape?
The baby getting knocked out of the swing and breaking her neck/busting her head/ or ?, seemed a little over the top within the confines of this story. It was shocking to see, I 'll give you that. But I would assume that any professional would have noticed that the baby would have died from TRAUMA and not suffocation from a pillow or whatever.
Anyway, kudos to the gal who played the wife (shame on me for not getting her name). She was terrific.
John G.
Thanks, I will tell my wife she played a good wife and pass on the compliments.
I had a hard time with portraying the story and was sort of making it up as I went. Just basically had and idea and let it play out. My thought was though that the guy had no idea he taped the baby getting killed (he set the camera down and thought he had turned it off.) The wife had found it earlier and planned this babysitting weekend to get her revenge. In the movie she was just re-watching it to justify her behavior. She hid the tape, and what better place than behind some old VHS tapes that nobody ever watches. I didn't think of the detail of a doctor finding out it was a head trauma as opposed to a suffocation.....
Thanks for the feedback, I have already made another version of the film based on the feedback here.
I had a hard time with portraying the story and was sort of making it up as I went. Just basically had and idea and let it play out. My thought was though that the guy had no idea he taped the baby getting killed (he set the camera down and thought he had turned it off.) The wife had found it earlier and planned this babysitting weekend to get her revenge. In the movie she was just re-watching it to justify her behavior. She hid the tape, and what better place than behind some old VHS tapes that nobody ever watches. I didn't think of the detail of a doctor finding out it was a head trauma as opposed to a suffocation.....
Thanks for the feedback, I have already made another version of the film based on the feedback here.
jpbankesmercer
Director Mod
Acting: Your lead man has great psycho eyes, he creeped me out a little. Wife was solid enough.
Script: Heavy subject matter handled with care. Props!
Direction: Some nice work with the Actors.
Music: Loved the psycho style stabs, the dialogue was a little too low for me.
Editing: Not bad, maybe a bit more pacing in areas.
Lighting: Solid enough throughout, loved those nighttime Ext. shots. The fire looked ace.
Loved: Slow spinning dummy, the reaction when he saw the girl in the garden, that slow track-back, the dog (he just didn’t want to get off that bed! ), the baby cot falling (I was like Noooo!:crybaby: ), the lighting on the crib (tasty), the last overhead shot I kept - thinking how high is he taking it! :huh:
Hated: The Michele dub that’s about it. Oh! That he didn’t destroy the tape.
Overall: I liked this film; it had a depth that is missing from a lot of the other entries, well done for tackling it.
A solid movie throughout. Thanks for taking me on a journey. :dankk2:
J.P.
PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ON BROKEN CIRCLE (WE NEED EM TO GROW!)
Script: Heavy subject matter handled with care. Props!
Direction: Some nice work with the Actors.
Music: Loved the psycho style stabs, the dialogue was a little too low for me.
Editing: Not bad, maybe a bit more pacing in areas.
Lighting: Solid enough throughout, loved those nighttime Ext. shots. The fire looked ace.
Loved: Slow spinning dummy, the reaction when he saw the girl in the garden, that slow track-back, the dog (he just didn’t want to get off that bed!
), the baby cot falling (I was like Noooo!:crybaby: ), the lighting on the crib (tasty), the last overhead shot I kept - thinking how high is he taking it! :huh: Hated: The Michele dub that’s about it. Oh! That he didn’t destroy the tape.
Overall: I liked this film; it had a depth that is missing from a lot of the other entries, well done for tackling it.
A solid movie throughout. Thanks for taking me on a journey. :dankk2:
J.P.
PLEASE LEAVE COMMENTS ON BROKEN CIRCLE (WE NEED EM TO GROW!)
TheatreGuy
Veteran
Hey Jazz dog, I believe that I owe you a critique! My apologise!!! I thought that I was complete but I don't see me here. I did watch your film and enjoyed many aspects of your work. Forgive me for not passing them on to you.
I have a very busy weekend in life right now, but I will post my review for you soon.
Congratulations on your work! Very complex!!!
Ted
I have a very busy weekend in life right now, but I will post my review for you soon.
Congratulations on your work! Very complex!!!
Ted
Mark Harris
Pain in the ass
JaydeeG83 said:
Yeah, I won't repeat the things others have said. I think other people nailed the issues, and you probably know them too.
But I agree with this guy: Congradulations on creating the single most horrifying moment of the fest.
Also kudos on trying to get a real script happening, even if it felt too much for 6 min.
M
Last edited:
mentatDUKE
Veteran
Jazz. This was a really unique story. The acting was ok, the lighting and camera work was ok. Same for the sound and score. The real star here is the concept. I'm sure if you massaged it over the course of a few months you could have a really strong screenplay. Just get those plot holes sewed up, and add some texture to the characters. Was the husband feeling guilt at all over this? If not, that's ok, but I think it should be addressed. Also, how exactly did the wife get vengeance on the husband? He seemed to be haunted by visions and dreams. The ending confused me.
This would actually work a lot better as a drama/mystery with the wife piecing everything together. The tough thing is the videotape evidence. I agree that the audience needs to SEE the baby being knocked over. The problem is that a videotape of it seems a bit contrived.
Maybe if the mom (and audience) saw a vision of this and then used less supernatural means to prove it and put the pieces together (or not. did it really even happen?).
Great concept. It inspires every writer on the board to dream up "what THEY'D do with it", but it's yours. Good luck with it. I'd love to see where you go with it and am curious to view some of your previous work.
Kudos!
This would actually work a lot better as a drama/mystery with the wife piecing everything together. The tough thing is the videotape evidence. I agree that the audience needs to SEE the baby being knocked over. The problem is that a videotape of it seems a bit contrived.
Maybe if the mom (and audience) saw a vision of this and then used less supernatural means to prove it and put the pieces together (or not. did it really even happen?).
Great concept. It inspires every writer on the board to dream up "what THEY'D do with it", but it's yours. Good luck with it. I'd love to see where you go with it and am curious to view some of your previous work.
Kudos!