Oksana Baiul Commercial

Good job.

If you're looking for editing suggestions here are mine (assuming you have the footage to do this):

Start the commercial with a really nice overcranked, close shot of this woman skating. Then cut to the little girl being wowed. Maybe the skater woman takes a break (and a sip of the potion), then skates with the girl and ends with a quick shot of her holding the product. As it is now we see the product too many times for my taste. Let the audience enjoy some nice slo-mo skating shots.

Just my 2 cents.
 
Very nice, but the music and lightning is kinda creepy... if you made it more dream like (sounding) or like a memory, perhaps it will give me a different feeling. I think it would be a better sell for the product, a little more upbeat.

Like tom, it's just my 2 cents. On the bright side, you now have 4 cents!
 
Great comments!

And you are off to a great start!

First, it is more important for you to get some feedback from your target audience.

Cultural perception is everything. Different cultures will perceive your work differently as we all have not only our individual references but our cultural ones as well.

In The National U.S. market this would be a bit too campy.

You are using a formulaic premise in a very overt manner.

Drink this, Look and Skate like this.

Sure this is the point of advertising, but it is
waaaay
to forward and overstated.

Second, the first edit doesn't flow and there is a "wardrobe problem" as her bottoms are peeling away at the crotch.

Some might think you did this on purpose and that it might be a bit
risque
for a milk commercial with a little girl.

Perhaps you can check your footage and see if you can rebuild.

Also, if you have the
opportunity
to
re-shoot
with the little girl it might be a good idea as when you first cut to her it looks like she is holding a steering wheel.

All in all you are off to a good start and you have a fabulously beautiful subject to work with.

Keep at it and I'm sure you can pull it together!
 
I very much agree on the cultural thing.

P.s. Anyone know those Sci-Fi channel mini shorts they play before returning to the program?..... the end with her smile really reminds me of those shorts.
 
It looked like it was a setup for a horror movie trailer with the scary music, and sound effects, and after seeing the skaters demonic smile in the end, I was expecting a lizard to come out of her mouth and eat the little girl. Very nicely done though.
 
Scrappy said:
It looked like it was a setup for a horror movie trailer with the scary music, and sound effects, and after seeing the skaters demonic smile in the end, I was expecting a lizard to come out of her mouth and eat the little girl.
Click to expand...

Ouch! :)


Thanks everyone for all the comments. I think I might have 10 cents by now... Great points and I'm definitely taking all of them into consideration. Keep them coming.
 
Lorenc,
Please don't take me too seriously. I was exaggerating for the sake of trying to be funny. Truthfully, I felt the music was a little too new age and didn't fit with the visual, and that skater only had the hint of an evil smile, but it was still very well done. Maybe a future update of the hvx will be able to correct facial gestures.
 
Totaly feels creepy, does not have a commercial feel going on, are you selling that product? or are you trying to jolt the viewers?
 
These new versions are almost exactly the same as the old!

Again, you are showing the product too many times up close for my taste, but maybe that just has something to do with my being American? I dunno.
 
Tom Lowe said:
These new versions are almost exactly the same as the old!
Click to expand...

That's because they are the same - I just changed the music.
As far as showing the product too many times - I too would like to create a stylized piece without showing the product too many times but I was hired to follow a pretty detailed script. I could recut it in different ways but I will not get away with getting rid of the product shots. Is the new music any improvement?
 
Wojciech Lorenc said:
That's because they are the same - I just changed the music.
As far as showing the product too many times - I too would like to create a stylized piece without showing the product too many times but I was hired to follow a pretty detailed script. I could recut it in different ways but I will not get away with getting rid of the product shots. Is the new music any improvement?
Click to expand...

That's right and the people writing the checks are boss
 
I think the new music is a HUGE improvement -- night and day. It's soooo much better now. And yes, you have to do what the people who hired you want. That's just the way it goes (it does suck sometimes).
 
Yes I agree!!! The music change has brought this to a new level. The mood went from menacing to empowering. Has a new feel altogether! Nice choice.
 
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Personally, I liked the second edit better. Of course with the non-freaky music. I have just one comment to make on one of the edits in there. You have a cut from the rotation Oksana makes to the close up of her feet. The cut seemed a bit abrupt. I feel that a dissolve to the feet may work better given the overall mood and the music.
 
I felt the new music was quite an improvement, but I think it would work even better with music that is much more exciting. (a more complex and bigger musical ochrastration.) All the visual stuff was very well composed.
 
First of all I think it was shot really well. Editorially, I think you have several issues.

Along the lines of others here, I think the music is too soft. It needs to feel LARGER. A more dynamic music selection can really help move this along.

I think the sped up shot of the skater drinking the product is strange. I guess its supposed to be stylistic, but its not working for me. Doesnt make sense. If you're going to speed somthing up, show her drinking in regular motion then do a speed ramp as she puts the drink down and exits screen right.

The last shot of her holding the product is a little creepy. She just has a strange look on her face. If it were me, I'd composite a shot with the product in the foreground and her (and the girl, if you have it) skating in the background, slightly defocused.
 
Is there a voice over that goes with this commercial? I know we wouldn't know what is is saying but it would make a differance if there was.
 
i would suggest establishing place at the beginning. perhaps a shot of the rink before the shot of product. otherwise we don't feel there. and overall it seems to want more variation in imagery, especially with the new music.
 
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