Arthouse Horror short film

Hmmm... overall I thought it was pretty good. There were a couple of really good shots in there, the fx were impressive, and the website looked VERY professional, but the short itself lacked something in my opinion. It just didn't keep my interest very well, as I almost turned it off a few times. I dunno, maybe I just wasn't in the mood at the moment... I'll try again later, and attempt to give a better explanation of what I'm talking about.
 
This was a good short.
The positives: you are a good sound editor. The short was surround sound, or that's what my speakers were able to pick up; the different sounds coming from different speakers. The story was somewhat cliche of many suspense/horror genres, and because of the influence of that genre (as well-filmed) the actual short felt "slow at the wrong times" and "fast at the wrong times".

The color is a huge factor and I couldn't see any major decisions on color to help the short. (David Fincher/Michael Bay-style colors would have worked well for this peace.)

The acting was good, but there was some over-kill, and it felt kind of stationary, like we weren't sure when he was gonna change his emotions.

The cinematography was very good in certain places, but very indie and artsy in others. I think you have to pick one style and frame it either traditional, or edgy, and go for one look and feel all the way. Tracking and panning was ok. Dutch angles are very cliche for this type of genre, it's almost doctrined with DP's - if it's a horror, everything has to be "dutch angles" on doors and doorknobs - no offense.

Lighting really suffered in certain areas. In the first framing, we see a red lighting shadow of some sort on tha back of his neck as he gets out of bed. Match the lighting better. I would make the film edit shorter use "Magic Bullet" on this guy to really make the film's look more right for the tone of the film. That nit and grit look. It looked too clean and polished - you know.

Everything goes back to the "story" and how to make the story work. There seemed to be a lot of stuff that dragged on and on, and without explaination (which could have been cut in the script), it was like more of a visual poetic experience with a small story some momentum, but I think that certain aspects of the story felt very forced, and some things were just not needed. But for the most part, this was very entertaining. Sorry for the crappy critique. You made a sweet film!

There are quite a few really good horror short films on this forum for you to download and review as well. I'd hook up and take from everyone, making your art stronger and stronger. Keep up the good work.
 
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Overall this was quite impressive! I didn't get it though. Did the guy realise his cheese had slid off his cracker when he looked in the closet and saw nothing, or did he see something that pushed him the rest of the way off the cliff when he looked in? Why did he get arrested also? Just a few questions/issues about the filming: When the guy is down cleaning out the shower and he looks into the hallway, the film looks grainy. Did you use a 1ccd camera for that shot or was it because the light was coming from behind the cam or what? Also, when he first notices the blood on the shower wall, there's a film reel sound. I thought the visual effect was great, but that sound sort of threw the scene off. What was that about? Lastly, and this is more a general question rather than specific to your film ... why is that in many movies, the music and Fx have louder volume than the spoken lines? I've noticed I usually have to turn the volume down for Foley, then back up for actor speech. I had to do the same for this film. Why is that?
 
i loved the titles but the sound when the FBI gets there his sound was almost not there. great website who did that
 
IMHO - let me just say that the website very much grabbed my attention and I was looking forward to the short. The imagery is great - which may have been what left me wanting after watching the short. The imagery and color in the short seemed flat, nothing really jumped out at me. The clock seemed a little overdone. I liked the idea and some of the effects, however, overall it just left me with no impression.
 
I know it seems counter intuative. but seriously. Block your windows, and recreate daylight, or go buy DAylight => Tungsten gels to match color tempratures and use sunlight thatway. i dont think one shot had a matching color temprature. But it didint look, like the "CC'ed to look that way" it looked like you forgot to whitebalance every other shot.

I'm not even a filmmaker, normally idont care about his stuff, It was just distracting.

You could have used lighting so much to your advantage on this.

For example the Flourescant green of the bathroom, while technihcally could be cool wasn't used to its fullest. the beauty of flourescant lights are that they make flesh look green. You could have highlighted that with a Green gel, to tint him really green, or, if you were real brave, hit him with a Very gently rose or pink colored gelled light ot return him to "flesh" color, and he would pop out of the background.

Buy 6$ Flourescant kicker lights from homedepot. They are these little tiny battery powered flouros. you can get in 32K or 52K bulb tempratures. AKA good for indoor or out door. they dont flicker, and you can use them to create highlights. You really need to seperate your actors from the background. Watch ANY movie. there is an unatural amount, and unnatural lighting sources in every shot. but it looks good because youre not lighting for life, youre lighting to take a "portrait". Unnatural is ok. trust me the audience really wont notice. as long as part of the picture is reaching bright, and part is reaching dark to almost black. (within reason)

IT was a good attempt, but it just felt rushed. Im sure you will do well in school.
 
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Thanks for the feedback. I personally wouldn't consider this my final cut (i didn't edit most of it). I think it still needs a lot of work. That is just what I turned in yesterday.
*I'll definately work on the pacing, cuz i agree that it moves too quickly and then slows down unproportionately. I'm still working on my "directors cut."
*As far as the lighting is concerned...I need to work on that. I'm not a gaffer. Just the director and I have no real training in the craft. But from looking at all the comments that have been made about how poorly the short was lit, I should probably get on that. The sad part his we had a pro 3-piece lighting kit. (and yes, that grainy shot is a result of not lighting properly)
*FilmMakerr - which actor do you know?
* As far as sound goes, we spen a lot of time mixing that, and i think it shows. The only thing is that I'm probably going to cut the detective's voice altogether (or flesh it out longer). The resason for ths is that it when he starts talking, it sort of interupts the flow of the piece, which until then was all abstract as far as sound was concerned.
*And to tommyboy - visual poetry was my goal, not straight forward narrative. The script does have the traditional 3act structure built in to it (and it is based off The Tell Tale Heart), but I was trying to evoke emotion with the piece more than tell a cohesive story.
*And that's my website...it's my portfolio. I'm also a graphic designer, so I do all the art for my films.
 
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overall, i liked it. i'm sure what i'm about to nitpick cannot be changed, probably because you used the best shots in the edit. i'm just anal. when the lapd dude comes in and the noise starts bugging dude out, his left hand has the wrap on it. when he bolts to the closet all the way until the cop comes up to him, he has no wrap and no blood.

website is nice. i personally would change the font. san serifs are fine, i just thought the point size was a little high and the font was too thick, but that's me. i'm just anal.

great job!
 
faceless1 said:
when the lapd dude comes in and the noise starts bugging dude out, his left hand has the wrap on it. when he bolts to the closet all the way until the cop comes up to him, he has no wrap and no blood.

great job!
Click to expand...
You caught me! Yeah i know, stupid mistake!
 
I like the shake you put on the door and clock. But ... maybe I'm just dense or something. Did he kill her and the whole time metaphor was about his facing the music, or did she leave him and the time metaphor was about him facing the fact that their relationship ended. OK, ok, the fact that the cop looked pretty grossed out and arrested the guy would leave me to believe he killed her. But now we're left wondering ... why? This will be further developed, or your idea was just to make a short?
 
it's based on the Tell-Tale Heart. You can read the short story on my website. That should clear up any confusion. But you have to understand, it's not meant to be fully understood. This short (and it is a short) is about an emotion. Specifically about guilt. The reasons surrounding it are irrevelvant. It's about this guys struggle and the idea behind the piece is to share his confusion with the audience. But perhaps I'm not succeeding on that level. The confusion might be pulling people out of the piece. It's hard to tell because I'm getting mixed reactions.
 
It's funny ... I've been thinking about this alot lately. I'm not sure about others, but I'm realising that the older I get, the less I think about things this way. I read the Tell-Tale Heart in like 9th or 10th grade (20+ years ago), and being in all Honours courses we analysed it to death. I've noticed that the older we become, we get more entrenched in the day-to-day mundane parts of life and perhaps don't think (or at least talk out loud) as critically, analytically or philosophically as during those high school and undergrad years. So instead of sitting back and thinking analytically about this short, I'm looking for some obvious point. As I remember, the Tell-Tale Heart wasn't literally about the main character knowing about some dead guy being under his porch; like you said it was about his guilt over something. I don't remember the particulars but that was the overriding theme. So anyway, now that you so succintly pulled the veil of short-sightedness from over my eyes, I totally get it! There's no need to know what he saw when he looked in the closet. The point is, his guilt was driving him bonkers. Anyway, cool ...
 
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