TORN Private Screening for first 15 PM's

Very true Antar


PM's have been responded to!!!!!!! Go check it out fellas. I'm nervous as hell.


Feel free to give your feed back in this thread or in a PM.
 
Okay here goes my INITIAL reaction (which might differ a LOT after I watch it a few times):

Overall: NICLEY done, VERY NICELY shot!!! Unfortunately I have a BIG problem with the v.o.: I am NEVER too keen on v.o./narration; and I must say this whisper-narration just didn't do it for me AT ALL! I so much want to like this piece, because I can see the HUGE areas where it was so well done, but with the narration the way it is, I couldn't "feel" for the protagonist, hence I never sympathized with her, once her world fell apart. It didn't stir the emotions that it ought to have, in order to be a gripping story. It might be the lack of a good first act, where we get to know her, I am not sure. The way it is though, she's just some person i couldn't really care less for. Again, this might be exaggerated by the simple fact that I found the v.o. annoying, I am not sure.

The bathroom opening shot is probably the NICEST shot I have seen in any film in a LONG time: absolutely beautiful.

So, to summarize:
a beautifully shot piece, that is TECHNICALLY very well done, but just didn't grip me the way it should of, either because of not-so-good dialogue, or because of personal objection to v.o.
 
BTW, there's a whole dialogue going on at the end of the clip: is that an oversight? Maybe there's an audio track that was rendered that should of been turned off?
 
ok, my first response. Thanks man. I appreciate your feedback.

This was shot in one loooong day. I got the script er uh, I should say idea, jotted down on a piece of paper and decided to shoot it just to keep active. I auditioned a few actresses and wasn't quiet sure how it would turn out.

Anyway, I shot it and began editing it and loved the image. I have some quirks about somethings with it but what's done is done. Anyway, the piece felt so damn empty because there was no dialogue. I told the "writer" this and she wrote the VO for it. I cut some of it down and whatcha saw is the product of it.

Personally, I would of loved to of had a real script but in the end, I'm happy with it as I've learned a TON from the shoot, editing, CC'ing and how important things like preproduction and having a solid script are about. This film helped me better prepare for my boxing film that is in production now. : )




vidled said:
The bathroom opening shot is probably the NICEST shot I have seen in any film in a LONG time: absolutely beautiful.
Click to expand...


I'm going to hang on to that one.... Thanks man. :)
 
Last edited:
vidled said:
BTW, there's a whole dialogue going on at the end of the clip: is that an oversight? Maybe there's an audio track that was rendered that should of been turned off?
Click to expand...


I knew about it. It's beng worked on tomorrow along with a couple other things.
 
coffee said:
Personally, I would of loved to of had a real script but in the end, I'm happy with it as I've learned a TON from the shoot, editing, CC'ing and how important things like preproduction and having a solid script are about. This film helped me better prepare for my boxing film that is in production now. : )
I'm going to hang on to that one.... Thanks man. :)
Click to expand...


Heya coffee,
all understood.
Hey, it's a good piece, and one you SHOULD be proud of!!!
I also forgot to mention that the actors did a formidable job too.

The v.o. was just "yucky" to me, so it took quite a bit away for me personally. Others might not share this view.

Many thanks for sharing it! I enjoyed this evening for this reason.
 
I've gotta disagree with the voiceover comment. I think in a short film, although there are alternatives, to keep it flowing, voice overs are almost a necessity. The film is acting from an semi-omniscient position, not being able to hear thoughts would take away from the whole thing. If Jay had just removed the voiceover, and left the film how it was, it would have seemed like a really bizarre art film.

I know you could argue that there are alternatives to voiceovers, and I can't disagree with you, but I think in this particular case, I think he made the best decision.

My comments were PM'd to you coffee.
 
Ok, I watched it. Nice looking film! It seemed a little too drug out for the plot... Just my opinion... I felt the acting was great! Good score on casting. The VO didn't bother me too much, I just kept hearing the word love a lot... Overall, good short. Lighting and shots were excellent. Did you use a 35mm adapter? Thanks for sharing.
 
dj200423 said:
I've gotta disagree with the voiceover comment. I think in a short film, although there are alternatives, to keep it flowing, voice overs are almost a necessity.
Click to expand...

See, I think that is very cool. It is, after all, so VERY subjective. We just completely disagree on this point, but that's what makes it so interesting to read everyone's opinion.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top