Hi guys, I just want to share with you my last short film
https://vimeo.com/49898150
pass : cinema502
pass : cinema502
Short Film from Guatemala
- Thread starter RTRES
- Start date
Egg Born Son
Veteran
As always take what is useful and ignore the rest. Don't let me tell you how to make your film. Overall I liked it. The ending section was fantastic. In depth review follows...
0.00 - 1.16 I love the music and there's a couple of cool shots in there but the edit needs to be more ruthless. The following interaction next to the car from 0.45 has some good character moments but doesn't add anything to the characters or their relationships that isn't obvious in later scenes.
1.16 - 2.38 I think this is a better place to start your movie. The characters and their relationship is established just fine with this scene. It is quite cinematic and begins your film with some movement, gets us right into it.
2.38 - 3.02 I'm of two minds about this shot. It doesn't move the story along but works well as an apprehensive transition, a long slow shot set off by the atmospheric music. And beautifully composed. It has similarities to later scenes I mention later in this review. I'd get rid of the voiceover tough. I prefer some mystery as to where we're headed. Telling us they are headed to 'the oldest location of the mayan ancestors' is kind of beating us over the head with it. To be honest your score is all you need to build suspense. It's great. Show us don't tell us. We will see where they are headed when they get there. The music and jungle will do the rest. The more left unsaid the more magic will enter the equation. I touch again on this later.
The next section is a little flat. You could cut most of it out and make the editing a little snappier and motivated. For example:
3.02 - 3.12 Reduce the establishing shot of the car to no more than 2 seconds, we've just had a long shot.
Keep the close up of the tree. I like how each character moves differently through the forest. I'd suggest moving from least significant to most significant character and make the editing snappier.
E.g. I'd cut straight from the tree to suit guy 3.18 - 3.28 (or even 3.24), then to casual guy 3.34 - 3.37, then 3.45 - 4.04 which shows the girl leading (reinforced when she takes the bag). The casual guy saying 'nothing is going to happen, let's go home' at this point is a good time to first introduce the idea that something is going to happen for the first time. If you remove the earlier references to the mayans then this line leads the audience to ask the question 'what's going to happen?', which has more impact than if we already have all the mayan hints.
From there I'd cut straight to 4.25 (her closeup becomes a continuation of her kneeling down movement in the previous shot, a more elegant transition). The rest of this shot works well to 4.50.
4.04 - 4.25 provides a little more character reinforcement but kills the pacing and isn't necessary. The clothing and performances already differentiate the characters effectively. The casual guy stating the date can be moved to an offscreen line of dialogue over the girl's closeup shot. Or eliminated entirely for more suspense (as soon as he says this date we know where the movie is headed, mystery gone).
4.50 - 5.04 I don't like the use of the cell phone. It doesn't pay off later (the dead cell phone cliche) since she doesn't need to use the phone at any point. It also calls into question why she is even looking at her phone if she doesn't intend to use it. This is the same reason I suggest cutting the earlier scene moving through the forest while looking at her phone.
5.05 - 5.21 I really like this interaction but without the mobile phone dying it needs a new setup to give them a reason to discuss the poles switching. So I don't really know what to suggest here.
5.21 - 5.55 I like what you tried to do here but it didn't have the cinematic impact you were going for. I like the fact he reaches for a hand up and doesn't get it but the pacing and joke works better with a cut after the punchline 'priceless'.
I'd need to see it both ways to know whether this following suggestion would work. For pacing it is good to have a light moment before getting in to the home stretch but you could possibly even cut the entire 4.50 - 6.07 section for an overall more serious, atmospheric tone. While it is good to have a light moment before the transition to the final section this bit isn't really working and tonally doesn't match the rest of the movie so well.
6.07 - 6.18 Absolutely love the sequence of shots 6.07 - 6.18. Really cinematic. The movie really hits it's stride from this point onwards. The fourth shot (jumping down) would be better started from 6.23. Snappier editing and doesn't show the awkward jumps of the girl and suit guy. By including casual guy jumping down we know the others must have jumped down, we don't need to see it.
6.37 - 6.54 LOVE this shot. The choreography, camera movement and the focus shift from character to character is great. Suit guy momentarily shows awareness of the camera but it's really brief and the overall effect of this shot is so great I wouldn't consider editing around it.
6.54 - 7.22 Also love this sequence. The shots could afford to lose a second or two off of either end but while some might say these shots are a bit long I wouldn't trim them by much. With minor trims to the shots, at this point I like the slow pacing. It gives time for the score to do it's work and projected would be images to take in and savour. Besides, I personally love ruins.
7.22 - 9.48 GORGEOUS. Love everything about this end section and almost all of my above suggestions are concerned with getting to this scene. The images, the editing, the music, everything about this end section is truly beautiful and truly cinematic. My main problem with the movie up to this point is that it doesn't match this section. From 6.37 onwards this film starts to look properly cinematic. I would look to this section to determine how to do the rest.
The reasons why this section works (aside from the beautiful cinematography and score) is that everything is largely unspoken, resulting in a magical, mysterious atmosphere that the rest of the film would benefit from. The earlier sections explain away the mystical elements. The editing is wonderful and pacing spot on.
So in summary. The first half of this movie is okay but the last third is truly stunning. It is a good short but could be great. If the first part of the movie supported it better and was consistent with the atmosphere of the ending it would work a lot better. The move from the normal world into the magical realm is frankly sufficiently intriguing to not require a great deal more in the way of dramatic tension. I would play less on the 'end of the world' element for tension because the way it is presented (through the eyes of the protagonist) is a wonderful thing. I'd support this notion more in the lead up. This unusual perspective on the end of the world is what makes this film interesting. The relationship between the characters is very natural. I don't need further justification for why the other two are going with her. The magic and beauty of where this ends up is more than enough to leave such questions to one side. Hope my words have been of some use to you.
0.00 - 1.16 I love the music and there's a couple of cool shots in there but the edit needs to be more ruthless. The following interaction next to the car from 0.45 has some good character moments but doesn't add anything to the characters or their relationships that isn't obvious in later scenes.
1.16 - 2.38 I think this is a better place to start your movie. The characters and their relationship is established just fine with this scene. It is quite cinematic and begins your film with some movement, gets us right into it.
2.38 - 3.02 I'm of two minds about this shot. It doesn't move the story along but works well as an apprehensive transition, a long slow shot set off by the atmospheric music. And beautifully composed. It has similarities to later scenes I mention later in this review. I'd get rid of the voiceover tough. I prefer some mystery as to where we're headed. Telling us they are headed to 'the oldest location of the mayan ancestors' is kind of beating us over the head with it. To be honest your score is all you need to build suspense. It's great. Show us don't tell us. We will see where they are headed when they get there. The music and jungle will do the rest. The more left unsaid the more magic will enter the equation. I touch again on this later.
The next section is a little flat. You could cut most of it out and make the editing a little snappier and motivated. For example:
3.02 - 3.12 Reduce the establishing shot of the car to no more than 2 seconds, we've just had a long shot.
Keep the close up of the tree. I like how each character moves differently through the forest. I'd suggest moving from least significant to most significant character and make the editing snappier.
E.g. I'd cut straight from the tree to suit guy 3.18 - 3.28 (or even 3.24), then to casual guy 3.34 - 3.37, then 3.45 - 4.04 which shows the girl leading (reinforced when she takes the bag). The casual guy saying 'nothing is going to happen, let's go home' at this point is a good time to first introduce the idea that something is going to happen for the first time. If you remove the earlier references to the mayans then this line leads the audience to ask the question 'what's going to happen?', which has more impact than if we already have all the mayan hints.
From there I'd cut straight to 4.25 (her closeup becomes a continuation of her kneeling down movement in the previous shot, a more elegant transition). The rest of this shot works well to 4.50.
4.04 - 4.25 provides a little more character reinforcement but kills the pacing and isn't necessary. The clothing and performances already differentiate the characters effectively. The casual guy stating the date can be moved to an offscreen line of dialogue over the girl's closeup shot. Or eliminated entirely for more suspense (as soon as he says this date we know where the movie is headed, mystery gone).
4.50 - 5.04 I don't like the use of the cell phone. It doesn't pay off later (the dead cell phone cliche) since she doesn't need to use the phone at any point. It also calls into question why she is even looking at her phone if she doesn't intend to use it. This is the same reason I suggest cutting the earlier scene moving through the forest while looking at her phone.
5.05 - 5.21 I really like this interaction but without the mobile phone dying it needs a new setup to give them a reason to discuss the poles switching. So I don't really know what to suggest here.
5.21 - 5.55 I like what you tried to do here but it didn't have the cinematic impact you were going for. I like the fact he reaches for a hand up and doesn't get it but the pacing and joke works better with a cut after the punchline 'priceless'.
I'd need to see it both ways to know whether this following suggestion would work. For pacing it is good to have a light moment before getting in to the home stretch but you could possibly even cut the entire 4.50 - 6.07 section for an overall more serious, atmospheric tone. While it is good to have a light moment before the transition to the final section this bit isn't really working and tonally doesn't match the rest of the movie so well.
6.07 - 6.18 Absolutely love the sequence of shots 6.07 - 6.18. Really cinematic. The movie really hits it's stride from this point onwards. The fourth shot (jumping down) would be better started from 6.23. Snappier editing and doesn't show the awkward jumps of the girl and suit guy. By including casual guy jumping down we know the others must have jumped down, we don't need to see it.
6.37 - 6.54 LOVE this shot. The choreography, camera movement and the focus shift from character to character is great. Suit guy momentarily shows awareness of the camera but it's really brief and the overall effect of this shot is so great I wouldn't consider editing around it.
6.54 - 7.22 Also love this sequence. The shots could afford to lose a second or two off of either end but while some might say these shots are a bit long I wouldn't trim them by much. With minor trims to the shots, at this point I like the slow pacing. It gives time for the score to do it's work and projected would be images to take in and savour. Besides, I personally love ruins.
7.22 - 9.48 GORGEOUS. Love everything about this end section and almost all of my above suggestions are concerned with getting to this scene. The images, the editing, the music, everything about this end section is truly beautiful and truly cinematic. My main problem with the movie up to this point is that it doesn't match this section. From 6.37 onwards this film starts to look properly cinematic. I would look to this section to determine how to do the rest.
The reasons why this section works (aside from the beautiful cinematography and score) is that everything is largely unspoken, resulting in a magical, mysterious atmosphere that the rest of the film would benefit from. The earlier sections explain away the mystical elements. The editing is wonderful and pacing spot on.
So in summary. The first half of this movie is okay but the last third is truly stunning. It is a good short but could be great. If the first part of the movie supported it better and was consistent with the atmosphere of the ending it would work a lot better. The move from the normal world into the magical realm is frankly sufficiently intriguing to not require a great deal more in the way of dramatic tension. I would play less on the 'end of the world' element for tension because the way it is presented (through the eyes of the protagonist) is a wonderful thing. I'd support this notion more in the lead up. This unusual perspective on the end of the world is what makes this film interesting. The relationship between the characters is very natural. I don't need further justification for why the other two are going with her. The magic and beauty of where this ends up is more than enough to leave such questions to one side. Hope my words have been of some use to you.