"Sailing Away" short screenplay, awaiting your feedback

My thoughts

My thoughts

Try and take out the is and ing words. First paragraph.Sarah, 28, searches through dresser drawers.Outside a cars pulls up, moments later a door opens and closes.

It's an interesting concept, that they find out they are in love after they are divorced.

It feels all talking heads. Try and find a way to add depth by showing that they care about each other. Right now I don't quite believe the scenario because they are talking about being in love, while they never act like they are in love. Things like knowing how they like their coffee or finishing the sentences.

Okay, maybe have him hand her a gift, and she opens it to find the $25,000. He doesn't want it, he wants her to have it. It would show through action, how much he cares for her.
Use what you can and ignore the rest.
 
Its an interesting tale. I think most people start with a good concept.

Maybe touching a little on what WILD said, I wanted a little more revelation and feeling.

Is this a first, second draft?
 
Thanks for reading it NCJE but I pretty much scrapped it. It just didn't work. It seemed more of an end of a feature than a short. So I will work on my other short which has a strong story.

http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=46297

I invite you to take a read. It's on the comedy side. Thanks for taking the time to read the one you read, I do appreciate it. And I'll be happy to read your works as well.

All the best,
Rick
 
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