In over my head ! Help with a character.

M

markran

Active member
I'm getting that sinking feeling that I'm in over my head :-)

After about 20 years producing videos (industrial training, product demos, corporate sizzle spots, commercials, etc), I'm embarking on my very first fiction short (indie, no-budget). This piece is the story of a reluctant bride on her wedding day. The bride doesn't actually speak for most of the short.

The other principle character is the mother of the groom. The centerpiece of the short is a monologue by the mother of the groom as she primps and preps the bride just before the wedding. Throughout the scene, the bride is mostly lost in a '1000 yard stare'.

As I'm working on the monologue, I'm realizing that writing an essentially solo scene is really hard! I'm hoping that the gang here at DVXUser can give me some ideas on creative ways to help a monologue keep moving forwared when it's acted with little to no on-screen reaction from another character.

I started working on the character by writing up a background description of the character and the scene. This is my first real foray into fiction (however, if you want dazzling corporate sell copy, I'm your boy!). In the hopes that it will help spark suggestions or comments. Here it is, my first character and scene treatment:

Character Background:

Edna Hooper has a big personality, even bigger hair, and the biggest southern accent in three counties. Edna, and the ever-present chip on her shoulder, were both born in a trailer park in Southeast Tennessee and haven’t emotionally left it since. She’s the kind of woman who lovingly applies her make-up with a spatula and liberally applies her perfume with a garden hose. Edna is the anchor of a pivotal scene in "The Wedding Dream" . A scene that is at once, dryly comedic yet poignant.

The Scene:

Shortly before the wedding commences we meet Edna as she's alone with the bride in an anteroom. Edna is busy tacking the hem of her soon-to-be daughter-in-law's dress. As she works, Edna embarks on a monologue which starts by listing the joys that wedded bliss is sure to bring. Although her intent is to slyly assure the young bride that, by marrying Edna's son, she is indeed making the best possible choice, Edna's own misgivings begin to subtly shift the tone of her reverie. The cornerstone of Edna's reality is her belief that her marriage to Walt so many years ago was "the best thing that ever happened to me." Edna wouldn't admit to anyone, least of all herself, that her impulsive marriage to a high school boyfriend actually sealed her fate, forever slamming the door on any hope of a better life.

Edna begins to sense something familiar when she looks at the bride beside her; a young woman not so different from the bride Edna once was. Perhaps a young woman on the verge of making an equally disastrous mistake. A conflict rages inside Edna. Nothing can change the life that lies behind her. Yet those flowers, that dress - this place, this moment, are conspiring to stir feelings. Feelings that tease at the thread of what might have been. Feelings that tear at the frayed fabric of rationalizations long since woven. Was this life the life Edna was destined to lead? Were the choices that she felt she had to make, really so out of her control? Is her own son any better of a man than Walt was on his wedding day? As her throat tightens, Edna grips the pincushion in her hand harder, but Wal-Mart has yet to make a pincushion able to withstand the thin needles of lingering doubt.

The overtly cheerful, but progressively manic, facade that Edna erects to mask her struggle provides the counterpoint to our silent, and increasingly desperate, bride.

HELP!!!

--- Mark
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

Hey Markran,
That's a tough one. Having one character delivering a monologue to a the equivalent of a deaf, mute. I see what you want to achieve with the peice, and I think it has the potential for a readlly great peice of writing for an actor, and a really nightmarish peice for a director. At the same time, I think if it's done right, it will work excellently.

The set up is great. It's a bit of a cliche, but it's something you could imagine happening. The way to keep it from being predictable is to make the monologue really intriguing. I would come up with some scenes throughout Edna’s life with her husband that were really important to her. Times when she was really let down by him, times where she couldn’t imagine a life without him, and other times where a life she could never have was thrown in her face, and it had nothing to do with him. These will probably not be discussed in the short, but at least it gives you frames of reference for a history that she’s trying to hint at without revealing.

Then I would try to imagine all of the actresses you would like to see in this role. Kathy Bates springs to mind, but there are dozens. Then write the monologe in the style of 3 or 4 of them or however many you like. I think you’ll find that each one would approach it differently. Some might be loud and obnoxious, others might have every emotion from the time they said ‘I do” bottled inside them. What the excersize will do though, is give you material, hopefully lots of it. Find the sections of the monologues that work best for each character, and then weave them together so you have moments when Edna gets obnoxios, others where she’s bubbling frustration. Her story has to provide the rollercoaster that is normally provided by visual action.

I’m not saying it can’t be done, but you’ve set yourself up for a challenge.

The other option is to figure out ways the bride can communicate without saying anything. What can she do in response to Edna that Edna picks up on, and changes her tone, or her delivery? Where are the beats?

Hope this is useful. All the best.
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

Very intimidating, the prospect of having to sit down and write something that extensive. That blank page is the enemy...perhaps even more so once you start filling it with words. It will look like there are too many of them...or not enough.

Wanna try something? Don't write it. Try being the character...find an isolated place, turn on a tape recorder and just stream-of-consciousness it. Ramble on for however long you want the finished work to be (plus some extra).

Then go transcribe it and rework it until it shines.

Dan
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

This would work better if Edna was the mother of the bride. The idea that her son is going to ruin the bride's life is not normal. I mean, Attila the Huns mother thought he was a sweet boy. God gave all mothers' that instinct. Also, wouldn't it be unusual for the future mother-in-law to be there? The audience will be asking "where's her real mother?"

As for the mute bride premise, what do you gain by that gambit? You have much more opportunities for conflict, humor, sarcasm, poignancy, etc. if you at least allow the bride to express herself, however brief. Once again, it's not plausible that a bride would absolutely be totally comatose in this circumstance.

Finally, if you want constructive feedback, you need to lay out a full scene for us to study, dialogue and all.
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

Thanks for the thoughts. No doubt it's a tough one.

Pseudonym,

Good ideas! I agree the lack of direct response is difficult. I envision that there will be subtle reactions in the bride's face that the audience will see, however they won't be visible to Edna.

I think of Edna as the type of person that I've occasionally met that is very talkative, particularly when they are nervous or agitated. They tend to keep prattling on whether or not they really get feedback (they don't ask a question or wait for feedback). They sort leave little openings that you could interject but if you don't, they just keep on going. It seems to me as if the talker sort of imagines there is some kind of at least non-verbal response if no response is forthcoming. This lets them keep going

If the 'prattlee' doesn't rise to the bait and interject at all, eventually it starts to impact the direction of the 'prattle'. The talker starts to elevate or get more provocative to get the prattlee to join in, but they still don't confront or directly seek a response.

Perhaps the 'beats' are the points where Edna slows to allow an interjection but none is forthcoming. Thus, she heads off in a different direction, each getting closer to the 'truth'.

One real-life example I'm modeling on is a rather smarmy (but not very good) salesperson that I once dealt with. He incessantly ended his sentences with the phrase "If ya follow me." or "If ya know what I'm sayin'". It seemed that no response to this was actually necessary (or expected).

In my interaction with him, he started out with an outlandish offer and chatted up a storm about the value / rarity / authenticity of the item. He never really asked a question for which he required a response, so I just kept on not saying anything and he eventually negotiated *himself* down to a fair price.

I guess I picture this scene a little bit that way.

GenJerDan,

Good idea about the tape recorder! I'll give that a try.

Cruise,

I admit it's unusual but I've actually met one mother of a young adult child who's basically said of her child, "he may not be the sharpest tool in shed but he's got a sweet nature and he plays the guitar beautifully" (no, it wasn't my mom ;-) ).

I agree that detailed feedback will require some dialogue to look at but I'm just starting to write and wanted to get some thoughts on the general premise.

--- Mark
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

I would write the first draft with the bride-to-be actually responding. That way, you have some give and take. Then, I would assign all the lines to the mother-in-law-to-be and have her be oblivious to the bride's non-responsiveness. Afterall, you essentially have the mother-in-law playing two roles: bride and mother of the groom.

Have places where the mother-in-law reacts like the bride agrees with her and other places where the bride disagrees with her.

MOTHER: I know he hasn't had a job since high school, but he's a bright boy. He's just waiting for the right opportunity.

The bride bites her lower lip.

MOTHER: He's not lazy. How could you even think such a thing?

LATER

MOTHER: He does have his eye on that new double-wide. It'll make a perfect little love nest.

The bride closes her eyes.

MOTHER: Oh you're right. It is expensive, but he'll get a good deal from his Uncle John.

LATER

MOTHER: Oh, I just love our little chats. I can tell that we'll get along famously.
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

Philip,

Great ideas! Very helpful and much appreciated.

I'm starting to really think back to some of the more unusual people I've heard talking. Some seem to make a lot of definitive statements and then immediately append a qualification that nullifies much of the previous statement. Eventually, you look at the qualifications for the real meaning.

Example:

Edna: Marriage brings so much happiness to a home! .... of course, you can't be happy *all* the time. After all, two bull-headed people are gonna have their disagreements 'bout things... little things mostly. Important thing is that there's love, cause that love'll overcome all the little squabbles. Ya know, Walt was so in love with me after we got married, he just couldn't bear the thought of me workin' down at the Piggly with Sue 'n Marge 'n them other girls. Me bein' happy there at home meant more to him than all the money the world. Now *that's* true love.

--- Mark
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

you have the makings of a novella, or one woman type stage act. what would help make the leap from the page to screen is mapping out the symbolism used in the visuals. we cant see in edna's head, so each element of emotion has to be rendered in a visual way, a personification through some outwardly visible means. unless we see her past, or someone informs us of it, be it edna or a v.o. or whatever means, we wont know anything about her except what is on the screen. her physical appearance will give some insight to her but not her life story.

work out a storyboard. are we going into fully staged flashbacks when edna speaks of the past or are we here in the present? if the latter is the case then what she is doing and what is going on around her will have to stand in for her emotions.

having her say how she feels would be entirely too on the nose for the type of nuance i feel your striving for. all the backstory you have listed will have to be presented in an interesting way for it to have bearing on the viewer. does edna say it through some form of metaphor or euphemism, or do we see it? when she mentions how her life could have been different, do we catch cutaways of her modest midwestern home or a grandiose daydream of what could have been...a beachfront palace in malibu?

if edna is the only character delivering dialogue, then she also will have to provide the responses, be it by stating them or by her reactions to outside stimuli such as the flowers or veil, etc.

simply put...write what it is exactly that we see. then draw it out. show it around, if it elicites the response you want, then there you have it. how will we know that walt is the personification of settling for second best?
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

I wouldn't use a flashback, voice over, or anything else that would take us out of the room with the two women.

If you need to give us extra information, maybe give Edna a cell phone and have Walt call several times.

EDNA (on the phone, she starts out cheerful, but gets gradually more irritated as the conversation wears on): Hi sweetie...I laid the pants over the chair next to the bed...The shirt is next to the pants...You will not wear the red tie. I already tied the blue one. Just slip it over your neck.

Edna makes a jerking motion, like she's tightening a noose. She hangs up. She turns her attention back to the bride.

EDNA: Where was I? Oh yes, thirty-seven wonderful years...
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

How's this going by the way? Just tuned into this thread and am curious how it panned out. For what it's worth, I think the best thing for any sort of short piece, whether it be a song, a story, or a short, is to be very aware of rhythm, and pacing.

If you were bored, you could just take the 15 or however many smileys that they have at the top of the "reply to" thing, and write your monologue after that. Have her go from happy, to inside-joky, to suprised, to beaming, to pissed, to sad, to shocked, to indifferent, to confused, to playing innocent, to ..so forth, so on.

Keep her neurotic, and give the thing a turning point. At some point I think she needs to be really talking to herself as a young bride. (not visually, emotioanlly). Steal a page from the American Beauty scene where the wife is left in the house after the last showing, smacking herself around.

Personally, I would pace it like this:

1. Edna seems sweet but indifferent, we sort of like her.

2. A Bitchy interior starts to emerge. We mostly hate her, but
sometimes it's funny, and we laugh despite ourselves.

3. Then she starts to go off into the deep end, with self-deprecation and fatalistic speech (this is the self-rationalization phase), to the point where we're scared, and we're scared for the bride who feels trapped with this woman, and wonders what sort of psychic damage she's inflicted on her son, the man she's about to marry.

4. Then ultimately we just feel bad for her as she backs back into her denial/comfort zone.

That would work.
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.WeMa

Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.WeMa

This is a tough scene to nail without hitting it on the head too hard. My usual pattern (not sure how unique this is to myself) is to write out some some of the subtext, real stream-of-consciousness kind of stuff, all in a regular speaking voice. Bits of dialogue will emerge from the pile; so will ideas for characterizing the subtext.

To get specific, you have a woman who long ago married her highschool sweetheart and lived to regret it, even if she accepts the regret. So she's someone who started off with dreams. What were they? Is this something that can be mentioned early on in the conversation? I bet if it's in your mind (and the woman's mind), it will work it's way in. That's the important thing - put it in her mind. We talk around things, not usually directly about them. If we're paranoid, we can talk about apples, and the paranoia will come out. Later it will be revealed that the mother's dreams are no longer a reality or even possible. Maybe she kept the idea in her head for years - and you can show evidence of this - while her true heart's desires evaporated.

One thing about the mother - despite her feelings of failure or compromise in life, she loves her son and is proud of him. That's why she can have the regret and accept it at the same time. Her source of pride in her son - his academic success, his ambition, etc. - can also be a wedge between the bride and what she wants.

The bride too has dreams, and she's young. When you're young time is infinite and goals seem within reach. Then you get old and find yourself still reaching for the brass ring, not realizing it's long-since passed you by. What does the bride want out of life? I'm sure getting married complicates the situation - everyone knows it. I'm sure too that the groom pays lip service to the bride's dreams. Young spouses often do, while know inside that his/her own goals run counter to the spouse's. That kind of thing can be worked in too.

Much depends on the truth of the situation. Is marriage good for young people? I know how I'd write it. Your opinion will undoubtetly evolve and rear its head while you explore the scene.

Anyway, hope that helps. It sounds like you may have a really good thing going. Good luck with the movie.
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

Well, it's been a long time since I posted this question and, since I got so much help here, it's only fair that those that contributed their ideas get to see how the scene turned out.

Everyone was right, it was hard to write. Really hard. We're happy with the result but you'll have to be the judge of if we did justice to the concept.

Philip, thanks in particular for the idea of using the phone as a device. We did it a bit differently than you suggested but you set us on that path.

Drop me a note if you contributed to this thread and want to see it. I'll send you a link: mark1(at)seriousmagic.com

--- Mark
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

It is a WMV (Windows Media 9) compressed at 750kbps. Does it start playing at all? If you are on a Mac, I think you need OSX to view it.

--- Mark
 
Re: In over my head ! Help with a character.

Make sure you hire a damn good actress to "carry" the 1000 yard stare. I remember a quote, "a face that launched a thousand ships." :)
 
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