want to read my screenplay? need feedback..

M

midnightblues

Member
Hi, if you guys feel like reading something...here ya go.

It's a short screenplay. 9.5 pages. There's no title yet.

The story is about a young engaged couple. Things go off the tracks a bit, when the fiancee discovers photos of her man's ex at their new apartment.

I attached a pdf file.

I'm new at screenwriting. So...getting some honest opinions, would be good?

thanks
Mark Peamchareon
 

Attachments

anyone like it or dislike it? I don't need an intensive literary critique.

would this make a good film or not? it's a yes/ no question.

If you can answer that...you'd be doing me a favor by stopping a bad script from going into production. seriously.

thanks for the 8 views...
 
Honestly, no. It wouldn't be a good film. The dialog (right from the beginning) is cliché, and somewhat unrevised (Sam: Why am you here? should be Why are you here?), the characters aren't defined, their motivations are either unclear or uninteresting, the plot is somewhat bland and very cliché (I was seeing someone else, and now someone I know is seeing them, and the person I was seeing is obsessed with me and wants to kill me), but nothing new and original was done with that plot either. However, for a first screenplay, it was OK. Next time, though, do something more original, with diverse and nuanced characters, and dialog that's different and realistic for each character rather than being the same for each character and being closer to a soap opera than real life.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top