Need some guidance on my script for a UT film school project

Ninjas and space pirates??... it's...it's GENIUS!!

No, but I think what seanshack, myself, and a couple others are saying comes from the writer's side where as you, others, and maybe the original poster might be coming from the directing/cinematography side...
I'm a manager at a blockbuster so daily I get reminded of, "I don't care if No country won a million awards...what's up with the ending!!?"
which is two fold...I liked it...and it was original, but not very "going out with a bang" as everyone hoped...
 
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I think "old men" fell flat on its face at the end.

Great first and second act an then WTF! But from what I've been told, it was following the book.
 
STYLZ said:
I got one for ya though. Ninjas travel to mars to prevent the military build up of abandoned astronauts who plan to reap havoc on earth as retribution for being abandoned by them, but are suprised by what the astronauts have mutated into since their abandonment. Throw in some space pirates for good measure. Kinda original.(Just made that up of course) .
Click to expand...

Been done a million times already.
 
Yes, after seeing "3:10 to Yuma" I have to agree, at least in part. But then again, successful rewrites are fairly rare.

Regards, Michael
 
Actually I'm not talking about cinematography or directing. NVM though. I give up trying to explain.
 
Ok guys, here's the final version of the script. We are shooting 2morrow and to be honest I still there think there's minor adjustments to be made, such as dialoque changes and explanations regarding the significance of the flowers and pills. Critique.


EXT. SIDEWALK - LATE AFTERNOON
A car parks in a driveway.
This is CHASE: A twenty year old student.
WE SEE his feet walk to the front door
Grabs his keys from his pocket. Coughs into his hand.
Looks down. It’s red.
Does a double-take. His hand is clean.
CHASE
****.
INT. CHASE’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
FLOWERS sit atop a coffee table.
Chase quickly checks KATIE’S room.
It’s empty.
He dials on his cell.
CHASE
It’s happening again.
Hangs up.
INT. CHASE’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER
Chase on couch. Head in hands.
Katie runs through the front door.
This is: Chase’s girlfriend. She quickly sits next to him.
KATIE
(urgently)
Here baby, you forgot again. Are
you okay?
She hands him two white pills from a prescription bottle.
CHASE
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. What
would I do without you?
He throws them in the back of his mouth, takes a sip of
water, puts his head back on the couch and closes his eyes
Beat.
Chase lifts his head.
Katie is gone.
The flowers are knocked over.
His glass of water missing.
There’s an empty pill bottle.
He grabs his cell, dials.
KATIE (V.O.)
Hey this is Katie, Sorry I’m not..
Hangs up.
INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
Chase checks her bathroom. It’s empty but looks like someone
just used it.
A damp towel lays on the floor with some of Katie’s clothes.
He opens the medicine cabinet. WE SEE two bottles of
medication, both empty.
The DOORBELL RINGS
I/E. FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS
Chase opens the door. It’s a delivery guy, Chase’s good
friend MAX.
MAX
What’s up man? Got your sandwich.
Hands it over.
CHASE
Hey Max, thanks. These are the
best.
MAX
Always. (pause) Hey, are you okay?
You look kinda weird.
2.
Chase sees Katie walking across the street with a guy. Chase
looks at Max.
Looks at Katie: it’s not her, just two people.
CHASE
What? Yeah, I’m fine. Hey, you
haven’t seen Katie today have you?
MAX
Not since your thing, what.. two
days ago? What’s goin’ on?
CHASE
Yeah, I dunno. Something’s not
right. I think she’s with someone
else.
MAX
Really?
CHASE
(implying)
You know Katie.. She wouldn’t?
Forget about it. Hey, this weekend
or what?
MAX
Definitely. Hey, this was on your
doorstep.
Max holds a brown delivery box.
CHASE
Thanks man.
INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Chase opens the package, unsure of who’s it is:
FORMALDEHYDE, METHANOL and ETHANOL sit side by side.
Chase dismisses the box. Walks to the kitchen.
INT. KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
Chase opens his sandwich. Opens a drawer. Knife is missing.
Chase looks outside and sees Katie walking down the deck
stairs.
A man, ambiguous, follows. He has a knife.
3.
CHASE
Katie!... Katie!
Chase runs for the patio door. Opens. Runs down the stairs.
There’s no one. Chase walks back into the kitchen.
Katie nonchalantly walks in.
CHASE (CONT’D)
(spooked)
Holy ****, Katie! Where were you?
KATIE
(cool-headed)
Chase, what’s going on? You’re
sweating. Why are you looking at me
like that?
CHASE
(accusatory)
I can’t believe you just left me
earlier!
KATIE
I got called into work. I wouldn’t
just leave you. You fell asleep.
CHASE
I don’t know what’s going on.
KATIE
You’re sick. Everything’s fine, you
need to
INT. BEDROOM - LATER
Katie lays on her side, asleep.
Chase wide-eyed: stares at the ceiling.
INT. BEDROOM - NEXT MORNING
Chase awakes.
Katie is gone.
WE HEAR noises in the bathroom: cluttering of metal and
sorts.
4.
INT. BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
Chase opens the door.
WE SEE: A guy’s back, rigging something. He wears the same
thing the man on the back patio wore earlier.
Long clear tubes, an apparatus of sorts and half empty
chemical bottles line the bathroom counter.
CHASE
HEY.. Who the **** are you?
The guy stands motionless. Brings his hand down, he has a
knife.
Chase approaches. Grabs his shoulder
The guy turns around. It’s himself.
Chase, ghost-like.
CHASE (CONT’D)
What is this? What the **** is
going on?
CHASE TWO
I’m you, Chase.
CHASE
What? W- Why are you doing this?
CHASE TWO
(complaisant)
Look around. Katie was never seeing
someone else. You didn’t even
suspect me.
Chase closes his eyes.
FLASHBACK
The preceding events rewind from this point in time to the
beginning of the story:
MONTAGE: Katie runs through the front door. Sits next to
Chase. We go through the motions of before. She hands him
medicine.
Chase closes his eyes. Only this time, when he opens them
Katie is still there. He hasn’t taken the medicine. He has a
knife. He attacks her. KNOCKS OVER the flowers on the coffee
table. Murders her. Drags her to the bathroom.
5.
INT. BATHROOM - REAL TIME: CONTINUOUS
Chase opens his eyes.
The guy is gone.
Chase is holding the knife in his hand.
Looks at the table: tubing, blood, contraptions.
WE SEE the same two prescription bottles from earlier, filled
to the brim.
Katie lays motionless in the bathtub.
6.
 
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