Ocarina of Time Film Adaptation

D

Doc141

Member
My name is Nathan Bartocci and I am new to the screenplay writing world. One day I woke up and recalled the nintendo game called Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time.

It is an epic story, and I realized that if it was done right, it would make a great film. That is why I began writing this script. I have changed certain things regarding the story to better suit it for film and have tried to make sure I regarded certain themes about development (as that is what the first half of the story is.)

Is it nerdy or geeky to write a script about a game? Yes. Is it fairly amature because I didn't come up with the story myself? Yes.

I would love to see my script adapted, because I think it is really good. And though that may never happen, I will at least be able to say it was excellant practice.

It's not totally finished (I am up to page 24 though.) But I would like some feedback on it. I want to know what other writers thought about it. Thanks.

http://www.dvxuser6.com/uploaded/34476/1204203171.zip
 
I didn't read it yet but what you have to be careful with is writing a story that's already been told. Especially one so recognizable. I played that game. It was wicked! :D
 
Even if you were to write an incredible screenplay, the odds of it being adapted are slim because Nintendo owns the core intellectual property (story, characters, brands, trademarks, etc.). You'd have to get the big N to sign off on your project (Nintendo USA and in Japan), and that would mean dealing with .... shudder ... lawyers. Probably teams of lawyers. Your time might be better spent developing a project that you will eventually be able to market.

That said, if you are having fun and enjoying the practice, then why not? Yes, it was a great game.

Check out Final Draft software, as it might help you with the formatting.

BTW, I'm a fan of Shigeru Miyamoto, and have had the honor of meeting him a couple of times at industry functions. I have one of his business cards around here somewhere. His official title at the time was "General Manager." :cheesy:
 
Its not a word for word; scene for scene adaptation. I have rethought most of the sequences to better fit the mood and scenario's I am going for. A lot has been streamlined because (speaking professionally) I know it would be boring to go to a movie theatre and watch someone play Ocarina of Time. This is why I have worked hard to make it worth seeing, even if you played the game. But yeah, it probably wouldn't be made into a movie. I still feel its written quite sharply and had it been made, it would be great.
 
You'll have to undertsand how jaded folks ar eregarding video game adaptations, being that there hasnt beena single video game to film adaptation that hasnt sucked dead dog testicles.

Its not your fault its Uwe Boll, Paul W.S Anderson, Roger Avary's fault we've had so much cinematic crap unloaded on our laps. They've failed as writers and even more so as directors.

Dont give up on your idea though.

Faithful Video game adaptations are NOT that hard, you just gotta take about 60% of the story, this includes cast and monsters, and then you as a screenwriter need to use the remaining 40% thats left to make the characters feel more real, and make the story more involving too.

Thats my formula, but time has a way of changing yoru story. Usually for the better. I should know, I've been working on a Resident Evil script for the past almost 6 years now.

I want to make people see this the same way I do, but I'm also smart enough to know that I need to have a good strong script, and what works for a game doesnt work for a movie, and you need to be extremley critical of what 'could be used' and what 'should be used'.

I'm up to draft five now, and I've just realized that I need to cut out and re-arrange all kind of things in order to tell a stronger story.

When you hit a third draft of your script you'll start to really figure out what works an dwhat you dont need.
 
Thats what my main goal has been during writing this. As a gamer, I knew just how much of a let down it is when you expect to see your beloved game, and then instead get a movie called Mario Bros. that is unrelated in every possible way it could be.


In writing this script I have closely followed the story, not changing anything, not doing any cliche crap that would lightly reference the game and make people go, "oh, now we know its based on the game." (Ala: Doom movie going into first person mode. that was horrible...)

What I've done is captured the spirit of the game, and mixed in streamlined effects that make it as epic as a movie as the game was. And more, maybe, as I went as far as to scale certain things up, from puzzles to symbolic overcoming. Another thing I did to make certain I was in spirit of Zelda was used a reorchestrated version of the soundtrack (google ZREO for it) and listened over and over again as I wrote. It sounds weird yes, but when you read the script, you are there.

This is my first script, and in it I really think I did something great. I want to keep working, I'd love to get it in the hands of Miyamoto, because I am sure he would like it (if I could get him to realize this isn't some fan fiction.)

I am inspired to sit down and write more, but I have lost the time to. But past that, I look for inspiration, thats why I've been asking for critiques. So I know its good enough to finish.


Also, something I have done to bring the feelings down onto the audience is very similar to what the game did. I am going to make everything cheeky and happy (sort of like Tom Sawyer) until Ganon's siege, in which point it shifts into a world of disparity and loneliness, and Link must mature, and be courageous to move forward. It's not much more than Miyamoto has done. But I am definitely making sure the themes he shrived for so badly portray themselves splendidly in this epic.

One more thing, there was a cut scene in the game that most people didn't see, it really put a darker mood to things. I am adding using it in the film. Link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=D6XMKtjtvaM < it was probably hidden so well because this game is mainly children's and its a darker material. But I think it is a great story segment.
 
Hey Doc - its a great thing that you feel so passionate about this. Even though its very unlikely it will go anywhere, its still a great chance for you to hone your craft and work on a story you feel very strongly about.

That said, if youre looking for actual critique, like you said, you need to learn how to actually write a script. What you have here, while it tells a story, is not actually a film script - and as such, it is hard to actually critique your form.

On the broadest of levels, I would say just start reading scripts - see how they are formatted, and especially take note of structure. You mentioned 'fan fiction' before, and while I know thats what youre not trying to write, thats what it looks like when you dont follow any of the formatting rules of the medium.

Definitely get rid of the beginning. We dont need all of that backstory or the brief synopsis of the plot. While you might want that for an actual pitch, dont include it with just the script because the average reader wouldnt have access to it. Let us judge the script for what it is - the actual script and just that.

Besides that, like I said before, learn the formatting. Its not utterly important that you get absolutely everything right the first time, but you need to at least learn how to properly divide your script into scenes and format them properly. Its very hard to read otherwise (at least as a script).

Also, pay attention to your story structure. Its a good thing that youre not trying to do a scene for scene adaptation, but theres still way too much fluff. You need to economize - make every character and every action matter. It doesnt need to be in a huge way, but do your best to make every element of your script mean something, however significant, to the overall plot. A lot of adaptations get beat up for this, because it often requires drastic changes be made to the source material, but honestly - its required. Some choices may work better than others, but the important thing is maintaining the voice, the essence of the story - something that you seem dedicated to. But just from this short read, there was excessive dialogue, and I know I havent read the whole thing, but it seemed like excessive characters as well.

This leads to one of the main problems with video game adaptations. While it may be interesting to play through a battle scene in a game, it is much less interesting to watch that same battle (with the same elements) on a movie screen. The fight with the spider is a perfect example of this. You introduce a problem and then immediately it is solved, all without playing up the action of what could be a very intense/frightening/action-filled scene. Film is all about complicaitng the hell out of your problems before they are resolved - such a quick introduction/solution is ungratifying.

Also, and this is a recurring problem with what youve written so far, you can only tell us what we could possibly see on screen. Saying things like 'Saria is Link's best friend', while they help the reader understand, cant be put directly on screen. An audience watching a movie version of your story would not get that information. Same goes for telling us walking past the fallen tree lets you leave the area, and a few other instances scattered about.

I really hope all of this helps. Honestly, I didnt make it all the way through your script - but thats not to say anything about you as a writer or what youve put on page here. Its just not a script yet, and its hard to evaluate as such. If you want critique as a writer, youre doing a good job so far and I hope you keep it up. Read some scripts, take out some books (Syd Field etc.). You know you have great material to work from, and youre strong yourself, so keep it up!
 
I appreciate the help Wade. I am an ammature and don't know much about formatting which is why it is so... welll, amature! ha.

But there are things I must disagree with in your critique..
1: I am not going to choreograph the spider scene in a script, nor have I ever read a screenplay that does that. I think that it is the directors job to take the essence of what the script has included. I tried to lay out the what it came in, and the way it ended. But I am not getting into all the other stuff. That's for the director. I would direct it if I had the chance to. I wouldn't ad much to it, but of course a script won't convey the feeling that the screen would have. I have always viewed scripts more technical writing than anything else. It just tells us the story, and the director carries it. I tried to let on that it was a dark and frightening fight with the way it presented itself. After all, this is Link's first test and symbol of courage. That said, I would appreciate an elaboration... How would I extend such a scene? I guess I would write in that it attacks him numerous times and he dodges, or that maybe it grabs him and Navi distracts it somehow. In the game its a matter of slingshot and sword play. I translated it for film. But I take you're word for it and plan to edit it to some extent.

2: In the film we would take it for face value that these are friends or enemies. I add the character descriptions to help the director know where to go with it. Or, the reader to know. They would help an actor know the relationship while deciding his objective in the scene. They are like footnotes. I have seen them many times in screenplays. I recall Pulp Fiction at the moment. But its a directors note. In the script it tells us what should be done (ex: These tree's lead to out of the forest) But if the movie had been produced. Well it would just be made that way, and we would know. I mean it would be obvious. Just as obvious as the friendship between Saria and Link. On screen, you would just accept it.

That said, I really don't have a clue how to format a script, and I need to learn before I do anything else. It is just an amature word document that I feel translates a game well at the moment. I do need to make it a real script... something at the moment, it is not. ha.

I appreciate it though, it has dawned some things on me and helped me realize a couple ways I am going to do different scenes. The main reason behind a lot of things I did, such as background, synopsis, and various footnotes embedded into paragraph; I did because I have seen so many movie based games be horrible. I am taking it seriously, so that means I write it with the mindset "If this was made into a movie, it should be like this."

That said, I am trying to make sure the feeling, symbolism, and theme doesn't get lost by some jerk who doesn't quite get it. I am going to check books out on script writing and really work on my formatting, and streamlining a bit more.
 
Glad to hear it, Doc. Keep up the writing.

Just wanted to clarify a few things. I think I didnt convey my point right about the spider. It wasnt that you didnt choreograph the fight in the script, but rather that overall it didnt add much to your story. The problem is introduced, then whambam its done. You could cut it out of your script without really losing anything. It has the potential to be a cool scene, but issues like these work better if they have a deeper meaning to the characters involved. You hinted at this with it being Link's first test and a challenge of courage, but you need to play these up a bit. Also, it wouldn't hurt to extend the scene slightly. Right now the spider is introduced, Link spots a vine and then the spiders dead. Link is never really put into direct danger.

This also leads me to something that deals with the second point. In general you want to economize your pages, make sure that everything you write can make it actually on to the screen. Theres a couple reasons for this, one of which is to maintain the 1 page = 1 min ratio of a correctly formatted screenplay. (so for an action sequence, while you wouldnt want to describe it blow for blow, you might want to embellish enough so that it takes up the correct amount of space. And similarly, you dont want to fill up the page with unnecessary details for something thats going to breeze by the screen.)

Also concerning things that cant be seen on screen, I wont be the last person you hear this from. It is true that sometimes directors that direct their own writing will make notes like these and include other things like camera directions etc., scripts do not have footnotes. Take nothing for granted because, unlike what you might think, if it isnt on the page in a way that can be translated to the screen, the audience wont just accept it. Instead of just bluntly stating that Saria is Link's friend, show this through dialogue and actions, something the audience can explicitly pick up on.

Again, the rules for spec scripts are different than shooting scripts/ scripts that will be directed by the writer, but for the most part you do want to avoid these non-filmable elements. They are prosey, and screenplays are not prose. It is true that embellishments like these can be thrown in from time to time for flavor or style, I would say it is advisable to avoid using them, especially to impart important information that should be brought across in other ways.

Anyways, sorry I rambled, just wanted to clarify a little of what I said. Definitely keep it up and post more once youve got it!
 
I appreciate you're critiqueing more than you realize. Since the last chat, I have downloaded a program to format it, re-worked most of the action paragraphs and fixed dialogue. Past that, I have made the spider scene longer, and to convey the act of courage, I have actually had the spider catch Link and almost kill him. He of course screams for Navi and she helps. I think this will strengthen the bond between them. After I finish formatting and editing. I am not touching the first part again. I am going to drive through the script and re-edit it. Then re-upload it. Your help has been more than help. Thanks.
 
I took a look at the script as well and couldn't bring myself to finish it actually.

The game might make an interesting story but I don't think your faithful adaptation of the game is the correct approach. The reason this wont work is that a movie is all about characters, who they are, their motivations, how they change, what happens to them. A character has life. A video game is all plot and it doesn't have characters in the same sense. All a game has is a guy with a weapon and series of other people who are mearly tools to advance the plot.

I think your handling of the fairly Navi illustrates the problems with your screenplay nicely:

Navi is a core character that will be with Link for the whole picture but you don't handle her as such. You also get the sense when Mido derides Link by saying "You don't even have a fairy" that she is a new acquaintance of Link's. Her waking Link up was probably their first meeting. Why such a hurry to get into the plot? Why don't you even bother to introduce her? You are using her as a plot device, lazy.

The best thing about telling a story about a strange world where children live in a child city with no adults where everybody has a fairy flying around their heads is that it's novel and interesting by itself. Exploit this. Take some time to let the viewer soak in the world. Create characters not tools to advance the plot.

You are going to need to use your imagination and bring something to the story. I'm sorry to say it but I think your current tack is a waste of time.
 
For a moment there I almost had I heart attack I read the name of the thread, and i thought thi swas actually happening.

It's one of my lifes goesl to make ocarina of time and I was afraid someone else had just stolen that away from me, what a relief. Anyway I haven't read it all but the one thing I gotta say is.

And I know this is hard, but it has to be done, when considering adapting this marvelous story. It's going to be hard but try to have link say the least possible, he never talks through out the games and I think that gives him a silent hero attitude that I admire.

I'll read it and I'll give you some feed back.

someone also mentioned uwe boll GOD FORBID!!! I swear if that happened I'd have to strap myself with dynamite and suicide bomb the hell out of that set. I'll die before i let that guy near this franchise. Maybe I wont do it but as long as it's not uwe boll (the UweBoll-a virus when it comes to filmmaking by that i mean he'll kill anything he comes in contact with film wise.) I really hope no one ****s this up you know it's such a great story.
 
Messenger,
I read your critique and have taken it to heart. I all of a sudden realized how brutal of a loop hole I'd made there, I am editing it. I do want a strong bond between Navi and Link.

pest22o,
Making this film adaptation really would be horrible if I didn't have him talk much. The silent hero attitude works for really dark material, but having a child do really dark 1-liners every once in a blue moon like "He's gonna pay..." would just suck. This is a lush world, and a large universe. Moreover, its an epic story about a person developing as he saves the world he lives in. The silent hero works if he is a supporting roll, if there is a lot of character around that make up for it. But aper Link, well... He has lots of characters, but this adventure is him. It won't work unless there is plenty of dialog. Now, that seems weird, because in the game it worked and he had none, right?

Yeah that is because its a game, not only were we a lot less about cinematic game play when OOT was released... but since WE are playing his character, it gives us the chance to fill in his thoughts for him. And it worked because we were used to it. If you made him have no dialogo... it would be a flop...
When you follow a game-screen adaptation that closely... it would be as lame as if the Doom movie decided to go into first person shooter mode... oh wait... it DID make that disgusting choice...
 
telling the story chronologically wont work. three temples with three bosses for three stones, then seven temples with seven bosses for seven sages. its repetitive and kindof boring. i have been working on the same idea but i have rewritten it so that it is better suited to be a movie, but still faithful to he story.
 
About to read over what you've gotten, but I just wanted to drop a quick note if no one else has mentioned it...

Legend of Zelda was originally based off of Ridley Scott's Legend, so no matter what you want to make of Ocarina (which I would love to do as well -- seeing as how I could see Nintendo's first movie since Mario Bros., which I love, could be actually good if they took time on it) comes down to the sole factor that a movie very similar to this has already been made; and specifically one so influential it spawned the series of games.

Okay...enough rambling. I should read on now.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top