Short Film Script for Sale to Directors

2

2doors

Active member
Hi,

I have a short entitled 'Sheriff' that I am offering for sale to any Directors on here looking to make a short right away.
Please reply if interested.

Also, if any Directors are looking to make several shorts and need them written relatively quickly with high quality, then we can talk :happy:

cheers,
 
So far all you've told us is it's name and that it's not a feature. Might want to provide a bit more information.
 
Ok, the short is about a Sheriff who decides to quit his job because of boredom. When he unexpectedly bumps into a couple, driving toward his direction; he is pulled into a dangerous situation that may be beyond his current experience.
 
It's 32 pages long, there are four locations; a road in the middle of nowhere, the outside of a petrol station, a Sheriff's office, the outside of a motel

There are nine speaking roles but really only four major characters.

So, the locations are very basic and should not cost too much to film in. My aim is to try and produce good short scripts to aspiring directors on here that can be made for little money. At the end of the day, not everybody can be Bill Gates unfortunately.

If you need any more details, feel free to ask
 
How about posting a page of the script to show off some of the content...I am sure its good, but in the indie film market we are all our biggest fans....Lets see the work.
 
damn 32 pages for a short? may as well add another 40 pages, throw in some slow mo sequences, a montage and call it a feature.
 
2doors said:
It's 32 pages long, there are four locations; a road in the middle of nowhere, the outside of a petrol station, a Sheriff's office, the outside of a motel
Click to expand...
I agree thirty-two pages...32 minutes...is a bit on the long side for a short. It pushes the limits for festival entries which is where, I would suppose, something like this should be headed...why else do a short?

For short (where festivals are the goal), you might want to look more toward 10 minutes on the short side, to 20 minutes on the long side. There are ALWAYS exceptions, but why put yourself at a disadvantage to start.
 
Yeah, I spoke to a few filmmakers I know and there have been 30 minute films entered and accepted as shorts in festivals. I may actually just extend it into a feature, which was my plan a few weeks ago.

I am not at my computer now, but when I am; I will post the first few pages from the script.
 
Hi 2doors,

Assuming you've got it copyrighted, I suggest you also circulate your treatment. If you need help on the outline to develop a 3-4 page treatment, we can help.

Good luck, Michael
 
Sorry with the format, been having problems uploading it onto the site properly.

These are the first two pages of the script.

If you need anything else or other questions, ask away.



EXT. sherIFF'S CAR
The Sheriff puts his key in the ignition and as he is about to set off, he sees Mrs. Graves, an old woman, walk up to his car.
The Sheriff turns to smile at her
SherIFF
Good morning, Mrs. Graves
Mrs. Graves
No, no Sheriff; it's not a good morning.
SherIFF
I'm sorry to hear that
MrS. GRAVES
Aren't you going to ask why, Sheriff?
SherIFF
Why is today not a good morning for you?
Mrs. GrAVES
Those little devils keep stepping on my flowers. I've told them many times and you've told them many times. They always keep stepping on my flowers.
The Sheriff looks ahead down the road in a reflective manner
SherIFF
Mrs. Graves; this is a very serious crime that has been committed against you. I will make it my top priority to protect your flowers
MrS. GRAVES
Oh bless you Sheriff
The Sheriff salutes and then drives off

INT. car
SANDRA shuffles around the bag at the back of the seat as the car is moving.
She then gets back to her seat and looks over at her boyfriend, SAM
Sam
Okay, how much?
Sandra
How much? What do you mean by how much?
Sam
How much did we get? How much is still in there?
SanDRA
Maybe a few hundred thousand or something. Do you want me to count it? I can count it but you'll have to stop the car.
Sam
No, no. I'm not stopping the car. We stop the car, cops will find us and it's good-bye to Hawaii
SandRA
Hawaii? I thought we were going to Italy.
Sam
This isn't the time to talk about that now. Let's first get to somewhere safe then we can talk about that stuff. Right now, we can't talk about that stuff.
Sandra
There's a car up ahead
Sam
What?
Sandra
A car, I can see it.
Sam
There's no a car up ahead.
SandrA
Honey, I swear; there is a car just a few yards up ahead.
Sam
There is not a poo pooing...
 
Rehi,

The content may tantilize some yet even here on this forum, if you're hoping for a lead/sale, it's important to provide an appealing format. Using the forum's attachment feature will resolve the problem you've experienced above solely using cut-and-paste methodology (which makes the script difficult to read). In the future, spend a few minutes and do something like this.

Good luck, Michael

----------

EXT. SHERIFF'S CAR

The Sheriff puts his key in the ignition and as he is
about to set off, he sees Mrs. Graves, an old woman,
walk up to his car.

The Sheriff turns to smile at her

…………SHERIFF

Good morning, Mrs. Graves


…………MRS GRAVES

No, no Sheriff; it's not a good morning.

…………SHERIFF


I'm sorry to hear that


…………MrS. GRAVES


Aren't you going to ask why, Sheriff?

…………SHERIFF


Why is today not a good morning for you?

…………Mrs. GRAVES


Those little devils keep stepping on my flowers.
I've told them many times and you've told them
many times. They always keep stepping on my flowers.

The Sheriff looks ahead down the road in a reflective manner

…………SHERIFF


Mrs. Graves; this is a very serious crime that has been
committed against you. I will make it my top priority to
protect your flowers

…………MRS. GRAVES


Oh bless you Sheriff

The Sheriff salutes and then drives off

INT. car

SANDRA shuffles around the bag at the back of the
seat as the car is moving. She then gets back to her
seat and looks over at her boyfriend, SAM

…………SAM


Okay, how much?

…………SANDRA


How much? What do you mean by how much?

………….SAM

How much did we get? How much is still in there?

…………SANDRA


Maybe a few hundred thousand or something. Do you want
me to count it? I can count it but you'll have to stop the car.

…………SAM

No, no. I'm not stopping the car. We stop the car, cops will
find us and it's good-bye to Hawaii

…………SANDRA

Hawaii? I thought we were going to Italy.

…………SAM

This isn't the time to talk about that now. Let's first get to
somewhere safe then we can talk about that stuff. Right now,
we can't talk about that stuff.

…………SANDRA

There's a car up ahead

…………SAM

What?

…………SANDRA

A car, I can see it.

…………SAM

There's no a car up ahead.

…………SANDRA

Honey, I swear; there is a car just a few yards up ahead.
 
i believe a treatment would be better in getting a full understanding of what's happening, and is generally a better selling tool. i can't really get a feeling for what's going on by the few bits of dialogue. if i had an overview something that gave background on the characters and some plot points my imagination would run much faster...... my 2 bits.

derek
 
For your consideration, I have TWO completed shorts.

THE NU YOU, (11) page, low budget HORROR, a cautionary tale of vanity gone wrong -- Deadly wrong. Logline: "A homely young woman is ready to pay anything to be taller, thinner and more attractive." Sets are minimal; an office and a waiting room. Cast of (2) female actors and some V.O. FX limited to still photography and photochopped images inserted on computer screens.

THE COMPANION SHOP, (8) pages, low budget feel good. Logline: "A lonely elderly woman buys an artificially intelligent companion at a 20% Off Clearance Sale." SPOILER ALERT: No zombies or disembowelments.

Thanks for reading,

John Hunter
x32792 (at) yahoo.com


 
Last edited:
Title:

The Other White Meat - Episodes 1-3 (Film or Graphic Novel)

Logline:

Micro-size terror spreads across the galaxy like a plague.

Synopsis:

SCI-FI HORROR SERIES, EPISODES 1-3

Episode One, THE OTHER WHITE MEAT, (10) pages, Logline: "With no hope of re-supply reaching them in time, two scientists on a remote frozen rock in outer space face imminent starvation -- or worse.”

Episode Two, DEEP SPACE TRUCKERS (10) pages, Logline: “Deep Space Truckers unwittingly transport micro-sized terror through space.”

Episode Three, THE NANORG, (10) pages, Logline: “After being flagged as a bio-hazard, Deep Space Truckers race to the nearest decontamination station.”

Thanks for reading,

John Hunter
x32792 (at) yahoo.com
 
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Okay, let's start at the beginning...

First of all, you have absolutely no scene descriptions to help us visualize what the audience is supposed to be seeing. Without that, we're blind.

Next, there's this:

"EXT. sherIFF'S CAR
The Sheriff puts his key in the ignition and as he is about to set off...

When I see "EXT.", I assume the Sheriff is standing OUTSIDE his car, then I wonder how he puts his key in the ignition from outside the car. Which goes back to the importance of scene descriptions.

Same is true of the second scene --

"INT. car

SANDRA shuffles around the bag at the back of the
seat as the car is moving. She then gets back to her
seat and looks over at her boyfriend, SAM."

Since obviously there's already more than one car shown in this film, the cars need to be identified specifically -- like "INT. SHERIFF'S CAR" and "INT. SAM'S CAR". But also where are the cars? Where was the Sheriff's car sitting when he started it up? Are Sandra and Sam driving down a rural country road, an interstate highway, or an urban city street?

Is it day or night? Sunny? Cloudy? Rainy?

Sandra "shuffles around the bag at the back of the seat"....I can't even visualize that. Is she in the back seat with the bag? Which side -- driver's or passenger's? How do you "shuffle around a bag"? I assume it means that Sandra is in the back seat rummaging around in a bag which is back there, but that's just a guess -- and you don't want your audience to waste time guessing.

"She then gets back to her seat..." Which seat is her seat? I assume since the car is moving down the road, then Sam is driving, but you haven't actually said that. For all I know, there's a third person in the car who is driving. And how does Sandra "get back to her seat"?

It just needs clearer description.

But there is also description there which, in my opinion, it doesn't need. Like "The Sheriff puts his key in the ignition..." Is this something we need to see? Isn't it sufficient to say "The Sheriff starts the car..."?

Now the whole first scene really doesn't do much to engage me or define a character or setup a plot. I assume it's meant to indicate that the Sheriff's job is boring, which you allude to in your earlier posts. I don't feel like it does that effectively. You have a good opportunity here to do something interesting. Like create a situation where the audience believes something interesting is happening, but then it turns out to be something else. For instance, the Sheriff could look like he's sneaking through some bushes, about to get the jump on some hardened criminal in the middle of some heinous act -- but it turns out he's just helping an old woman find her cat. There are many other ways you could open, of course. But whatever you do, it needs to be something that gets the audience engaged while at the same time revealing how truly mundane the Sheriff's job is.

There's more I could say, if you want. You may have an interesting story here. Have to agree with the others, though, that 32 pages might be a hard sell for a short.
 
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