Read my new story!

Robbie Comeau

Robbie Comeau

Como's back. back again
Ok, listen. I always write something then give up. Why? Because I don't like where I'm going.
So I was in the living room with my sister, and I told her to give me a horror movie idea, and I'll
give her a 5 minute misauge. And oh boy did it pay off because she gave me a cool idea.

Synopsis:
A skitzofrania normal teenager Jackson, goes insane, by his skitzofrania second person.
He isn't much help, when he tells jackson to do nasty and evil things. It starts to get bad when
jackson realizes it. Can he stop it? Or will he have to live with this forever?

Kinda cheesy synopsis, i just kinda made up the last bit. But yeah, I don't know what it's all about so far,
but I managed to get the first scene done. After this scene is done, the title of the movie comes up. Enjoy!
 
Code: 
          INT: NIGHT: TV ROOM                                              
                                                                           
          18 year old JACKSON sits on his couch watching TELEVISION.       
          It is dark, and we can see the reflection of the TV’s GLOW       
          on his upper body. He looks down at his watch which reads:       
                                                                           
          8:28                                                             
                                                                           
          He looks back up, with an evil expression on his face.           
                                                                           
                              JACKSON                                      
                    Where is she JOHNNY?                                   
                                                                           
          We now see TWO of JACKSONS. Both, opposite side on the           
          couch. The second JACKSON, who is JOHNNY, replies back:          
                                                                           
                              JOHNNY                                       
                    Who knows. She’s late everyday.                        
                    She’s cheating on ya JACKSON. I                        
                    know it. I can feel it.                                
                                                                           
          JACKSON gets mad and stands.                                     
                                                                           
                              JACKSON                                      
                    She can’t be! Can she?                                 
                                                                           
                              JOHNNY                                       
                    Oh you bet your ass she is. She’s                      
                    been coming home an hour late for                      
                    the past 2 weeks.                                      
                                                                           
                              JACKSON                                      
                    That whore. How could she?                             
                                                                           
                              JOHNNY                                       
                    Seems we have a dilemma here eh                        
                    JACKSON?                                               
                                                                           
                              JACKSON                                      
                    Shut up, just shut up! I’ll deal                       
                    with this by my self.                                  
                                                                           
                              JOHNNY                                       
                    Oh know you won’t. You need me and                     
                    you know it JACKSON. Listen to me,                     
                    and kill her. Do it for the good of                    
                    us both.                                               
                                                                           
          JACKSON is stressed, and he puts his hand to his now bowed       
          down forehead. He rubs it and looks up. He takes a breath        
          with his lips sealed.                                            
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           

          CONTINUED:                                              2.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              JACKSON                                      
                    How should I do it.                                    
                                                                           
                              JOHNNY                                       
                    Oh that depends now doesn’t it Mr.                     
                    Fisneir. Do you want to have a                         
                    rough time killing it, or a happy,                     
                    joyful time?                                           
                                                                           
                              JACKSON                                      
                    I don’t know, quick. Painless.                         
                                                                           
                              JOHNNY                                       
                    Hm, go grab daddies ax from the                        
                    shed. Sneak up behind her, and                         
                    slice her in half for me will ya.                      
                                                                           
          JACKSON is hesitant, and looks around.                           
                                                                           
                              JOHNNY                                       
                    GO! We don’t have time for this!                       
                    She’ll be home any minute!                             
                                                                           
                              JACKSON                                      
                         (SIGH)                                            
                    Alright, alright.                                      
                                                                           
          He exits the room. And we leave with a grin on JOHNNY’S          
          face.                                                            
                                                                           
                                                              FADE OUT     
                                                                           
                                                                           
          INT: NIGHT: FRONT HALLWAY                                        
                                                                           
                                                               FADE IN     
                                                                           
          the front DOOR opens up, and in comes TIFFANY with bags in       
          both hands. She is getting settled, putting the bags down,       
          and hanging her coat on the rack while flipping off her          
          shoes.                                                           
                                                                           
                              TIFFANY                                      
                    Hey hun sorry I’m late. Work was                       
                    busy as ever, and I had to do last                     
                    minute errands with my mom. I have                     
                    your clothes though. There washed                      
                    and ironed.                                            
                                                                           
          Pause                                                            
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           

          CONTINUED:                                              3.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              TIFFANY                                      
                    Jackson?                                               
                                                                           
          There is silent. She walks into the kitchen, which is            
          getting illuminated from the outside lights. She flips the       
          light on. JACKSON is sitting at the table, back facing her.      
          We see how nervous he is, with the ax between his legs.          
                                                                           
                              TIFFANY                                      
                    Jackson? What the hell are you                         
                    doing in the dark?                                     
                                                                           
          JACKSON gets up, hiding the ax behind his back.                  
                                                                           
                              TIFFANY                                      
                    What are you holding?                                  
                                                                           
                              JACKSON                                      
                    That’s not the issue here hun.                         
                    Your  poo pooin’ up my life. Why you                      
                    comin’ home every night so late.                       
                    You got somethin’ to say?                              
                                                                           
          We see JOHNNY a couple feet away from JACKSON.                   
                                                                           
                              JOHNNY                                       
                    Don’t be hesitant now JACKSON. Do                      
                    it quickly, have some fun.                             
                                                                           
                              JACKSON                                      
                         (Mutters while turning head)                      
                    Shut up...                                             
                                                                           
          TIFFANY has a worried look on her face. She looks over and       
          then back at JACKSON.                                            
                                                                           
                              TIFFANY                                      
                    Jackson! Who are you talking to?                       
                    What the hell are you talking                          
                    about? I was busy at work ok?                          
                                                                           
                              JACKSON                                      
                    For the past two weeks eh?                             
                                                                           
                              JOHNNY                                       
                    I don’t have time for this. DO IT                      
                    ALREADY!                                               
                                                                           
                              JACKSON                                      
                    I’m sorry hunny.                                       
                                                                           
          We see JOHNNY with a nice, evil grin on his face.                
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                           (CONTINUED)     
                                                                           

          CONTINUED:                                              4.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                              TIFFANY                                      
                    Sorry for what?                                        
                                                                           
          JACKSON reveals the ax quickly from behind, raises it and        
          brings it down hard on TIFFANY’S head.                          
                                                                           
                                                         FADE TO WHITE
 
Last edited:
I think the freakiest part of your story was the fact that you gave your sister a 5-minute massage (?!).



That's the real horror script waiting to be written.
 
Ok, well forget about that part.

After this, i want the next scene to say 5 months later. And Im thinking at the end, JOHHNY kills JACKSON. Any ideas on how to continue this ;)
 
Ok, so i started scene two. At the end, it will say something about a task. Can you guys make one up? I was gonig to make JOHNNY make JACKSON kill his mom. But i didnt like that, not creative enough.

Code: 
int: DAY: ROAD

JACKSON walks down the road. It is a chilly day, with cold temperatures outside. 
He has a flash back of him killing his girlfriend TIFFANY. He gets scared. He continues 
to walk, when he sees JOHNNY. JACKSON stops walking.

JOHNNY

Thinking of that filthy whore again are we?

JACKSON

No, go away.

JOHNNY

Hm, why don't we erase her out of your mind completely?

JACKSON

How's that?

JOHNNY

Well easy. I can simply erase your memory.

JACKson

Hell no! To much **** I got stored in here man, no way that's happening. That's stupid anyway.

JOHNNY

But you want her out of your memory.

JACKSON

No I don't. Just the killing part. Why did I listen to you anyway?

JOHNNY

You have to, I'm your conscience.

JACKSON

No ****. I'm not obeying your orders anymore. People think I'm a freak talking to you. 
They think I'm talking to my imaginary friend.

JOHNNY

Oh Jackson, such awful words to spare. Well, I have a task for you. And when you complete it, 
I leave your body, your soul, and memory for life. No more me. How about that eh Jackson?

JACKSON

Well, what's this 'task' you speak of.
 
TheComo said:
Ok, so i started scene two. At the end, it will say something about a task. Can you guys make one up? I was gonig to make JOHNNY make JACKSON kill his mom. But i didnt like that, not creative enough.

Code: 
int: DAY: ROAD

JACKSON walks down the road. It is a chilly day, with cold temperatures outside. 
He has a flash back of him killing his girlfriend TIFFANY. He gets scared. He continues 
to walk, when he sees JOHNNY. JACKSON stops walking.

JOHNNY

Thinking of that filthy whore again are we?

JACKSON

No, go away.

JOHNNY

Hm, why don't we erase her out of your mind completely?

JACKSON

How's that?

JOHNNY

Well easy. I can simply erase your memory.

JACKson

Hell no! To much shi* I got stored in here man, no way that's happening. That's stupid anyway.

JOHNNY

But you want her out of your memory.

JACKSON

No I don't. Just the killing part. Why did I listen to you anyway?

JOHNNY

You have to, I'm your conscience.

JACKSON

No shi*. I'm not obeying your orders anymore. People think I'm a freak talking to you. 
They think I'm talking to my imaginary friend.

JOHNNY

Oh Jackson, such awful words to spare. Well, I have a task for you. And when you complete it, 
I leave your body, your soul, and memory for life. No more me. How about that eh Jackson?

JACKSON

Well, what's this 'task' you speak of.
Click to expand...

Dude, can't you come up with anything on your own?

Give your sister another massage in exchange for more ideas...or just give her your gear, have her shoot the whole thing, and sign your name to it when she is done.
 
I dont mind doing everything else, including shooting, editing, sound, directing, but i just can't think of any ideas.
 
shutterspeedfilms said:
I think the freakiest part of your story was the fact that you gave your sister a 5-minute massage (?!).



That's the real horror script waiting to be written.
Click to expand...


It wasn't a "Massage" is was a "misauge". I'm not even gonna get in to it.

There's a rumor floating around that TheComo is actually a screen character created by Chris Messino just to f*ck with us.
 
TheComo said:
I dont mind doing everything else, including shooting, editing, sound, directing, but i just can't think of any ideas.
Click to expand...

I'm curious -- have you considered just reading scripts from other writers until you find one you'd like to produce?

What genre of movie would you most like to shoot? I might even have an idea or two myself that could be developed -- but no massages, please. :)
 
Chris Messineo said:
How did I get sucked into this? I don't even have a sister.
Click to expand...

Then who do you 'misauge' for all your film ideas....? I believe Chris, though...you can't make a guy like Como up.

I'm all for helping a guy out, but this is getting silly. First the forum designs a business card for the guy (mostly Luis, I believe), then his website, now we're asked to finish his script...are we going to sit for his final exams at the end of spring semester?
 
chapelgrovefilms said:
I'm curious -- have you considered just reading scripts from other writers until you find one you'd like to produce?
Click to expand...

Clearly if you are having trouble even completing, or coming up dry all the time for ideas, then maybe you should consider employing and requesting the services of a writer.

You can take the horse to the lake...

EJ
 
I wouldnt call it his script - it was his sister's idea. And since when did schizophrenia become the same thing as split personality. Research what you are going to write about. Or what your sister is writing about. With as many free scripts that are out there why dont you just use one of those?
 
Hey I just actually decided to read this - isnt this basically one of those make a deal with the devil so he'll leave you alone things? Maybe they can have a guitar duel at the end ala Crossroads, that might save it.
 
DeSica said:
First the forum designs a business card for the guy (mostly Luis, I believe)
Click to expand...

Can we let that go at some point?
:)
Please?

I have two things to say on this synopsis.
Fight and Club.

OH yeah... and schizophrenia.
:thumbsup:



Edited to add:

Awesome, someone referenced 'Crossroads'
 
Com'n Luis you did such a great job though! :) Really it looked nice.

Seriously why doesnt the bad guy ( I forget their names and dont want to scroll up) just ask him to go kill somebody or rob a bank and then the good guy decides not to do it cause its wrong and then he's like but how about a guitar duel and you give me my soul back. Now thats a movie. PM for the address you can send my million dollars to.
 
Schizophrenia is a different disorder than Dissociative Identity Disorder, though it is a common mistake to make.

Schizophrenia tends to cause severe impairment to the perception of reality. It generally manifests itself in auditory or visual hallucinations. Schizoprenics often believe they are being manipulated and/or controlled by outside influences and there are often religious overtones in their fears. They usually exhibit severe paranoia.

Dissociative Identity Disorder, used to be called Multiple Personality Disorder, is the disorder where a person has more than one distinct personality. Each personality exhibits different unique traits, mind sets, moral compasses, and often interact differently with the external world.

Hope that helps,
Larry
 
Schizophrenia has been misused as a term for years...people think it means multiple personalities, but it doesn't. That's just the symptom of the problem here. The underlying issue was pointed out by another poster....know what you're writing about.

In other words, do some work. Research, read, learn a bit. You're already on the internet to post here, so why not do some online research? It's that simple...just like using www.dictionary.com is easy when you're not sure of spelling.

Fifteen years ago, a writer (student, whatever) had to leave the house, go to a library, and make photocopies or check out a bunch of books and magazines to brush up on a topic...now you just type and click..for pretty much anything. Tecnical forums, writer's forums, reference material sites...

If he gets a handle on those skills and disciplines now, at 16, imagine how far along he could be at 20...
 
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