How do I make gang members not sound so cheesy
- Thread starter pest22o
- Start date
EJ Pennypacker
Well-known member
Re-write your dialogue.
Or invent new dialogue like as in BRICK.
EJ
Or invent new dialogue like as in BRICK.
EJ
The way people "really talk" is often something to avoid. Movie speak isn't real speak. Sure, use some of their expressions or what not, but make their speech hard and interesting. Look at Tarentino dialog, no one talks like that. Even Michael Mann, who makes some hard core crime movies has characters saying things that sound super cool but reality? No way.
Here's the trick. Take a breath, sit back and write dialogue that is not the preconceived stereotype you're describing. You are the writer, not the actor. Let the actor create that gangster character you have developed; you focus on sharp dialogue that drives the story forward and creates a foundation for the characters. The Director and Actor will then interject the subtle nuances that bring these gangsters to life.
Example:
(No)
G-DOG
Yo, B, was up? That's whack, yo.
(Yes)
G-DOG
What's up, B? That's not going to work.
Not the best example, but you get my drift. Once you have established the world of crime, urban gangs, et al you can give the reader an ounce of credit. It is implied the dialogue will have a certain 'slang' and dark tone. The Actor and Director will know this immediately and find the character within this dialogue. It'll shine when delivered.
Good luck.
Example:
(No)
G-DOG
Yo, B, was up? That's whack, yo.
(Yes)
G-DOG
What's up, B? That's not going to work.
Not the best example, but you get my drift. Once you have established the world of crime, urban gangs, et al you can give the reader an ounce of credit. It is implied the dialogue will have a certain 'slang' and dark tone. The Actor and Director will know this immediately and find the character within this dialogue. It'll shine when delivered.
Good luck.
what kind of gang members are they first of all? Latin Kings wouldn't talk like a Crip or Blood.
You should listen to real urban people talk and go from there. you may have to dumb down the lingo so the reader knows what's going on.
a good example of a show using street cats that sound authentic is the show "The Wire" you can rent it at blockbuster.
also a gangster doesn't have to sound like the typical uneducated person either. stay away from cookie cutter characters.
i knew some very wild guys from back home in the neighborhood, some of which had shot people (or even killed for all i know), was in and out of jail, none of them "talked like gangsters." one of the wildest guys in the neighborhood used to come over my house when i was in high school and my mother thought he was the most polite gentleman i hung out with, lol. he always spoke with mannerisms and kept a clean haircut. this was the same guy that would beat a dude to a pulp in a heartbeat no matter where he was at.
You should listen to real urban people talk and go from there. you may have to dumb down the lingo so the reader knows what's going on.
a good example of a show using street cats that sound authentic is the show "The Wire" you can rent it at blockbuster.
also a gangster doesn't have to sound like the typical uneducated person either. stay away from cookie cutter characters.
i knew some very wild guys from back home in the neighborhood, some of which had shot people (or even killed for all i know), was in and out of jail, none of them "talked like gangsters." one of the wildest guys in the neighborhood used to come over my house when i was in high school and my mother thought he was the most polite gentleman i hung out with, lol. he always spoke with mannerisms and kept a clean haircut. this was the same guy that would beat a dude to a pulp in a heartbeat no matter where he was at.
Last edited:
Your dialogue sounds cheesy because the characters are cheesy. Right now they exist as nothing more than vehicles to get your story from point A to point B. What do your gangsters do when they're not at "work"? Do they have girlfriends? What are their favourite foods? Where do they like to go at night?
Even if they're small characters, let them evolve and be something more than just names on paper.
Even if they're small characters, let them evolve and be something more than just names on paper.
StefanHaynes
Well-known member
KIDS would be a really fantastic example of how NOT to write ghetto dialog. Seriously.
snodart
Veteran
I just watched Harsh Times last night. It might be a good one to watch to analyze where the "street" dialog did and did not work. At first, the dialog bothered me, but something about the way it was done allowed me to quickly settle in fine with it. It could be that I was too forgiving of course. Anyway, take a look at it.
Observation is the best way of getting the language, so just join or stalk a gang 
Seriously, stereotype your gang, what is their background, what do they stand for...profile it. Look at recent movies that cover the sterotype and analyse the dialogue used.
The other alternative as filmboy mentioned briefly in his post re: the highschool guy... is that the characters may be "regular" people but are highly intelligent but are fighting hard for a cause, right or wrong. Typically it's their presence and their effect on other characters eg. respect, will prove how "nasty" they can be...generally establish a reputation.
Gang members arent all simple? eg. American History X, Romper Stomper, Clockwork Orange. They may appear "regular" but if you cross them, they'll kill you in a heartbeat.
-JT
Seriously, stereotype your gang, what is their background, what do they stand for...profile it. Look at recent movies that cover the sterotype and analyse the dialogue used.
The other alternative as filmboy mentioned briefly in his post re: the highschool guy... is that the characters may be "regular" people but are highly intelligent but are fighting hard for a cause, right or wrong. Typically it's their presence and their effect on other characters eg. respect, will prove how "nasty" they can be...generally establish a reputation.
Gang members arent all simple? eg. American History X, Romper Stomper, Clockwork Orange. They may appear "regular" but if you cross them, they'll kill you in a heartbeat.
-JT
pest22o
Well-known member
I come from bad neighborhoods really bad and I know what they talk like, exactly how I wrote it on paper uneducated getto, and it sounds amazing when you hear them talk it give sthem character but when I read it, it just doesnt feel real. Maybe it's just me.
Ohh and ALVERAZ those examples probably arent bad it's just on paper it sounds horrible. I would get a tape recorder and go hang out with some of those guys but then you would hear on the news about how some idiot weaing a Mic under his shirt got shot because they thought he was wired.
Ohh and ALVERAZ those examples probably arent bad it's just on paper it sounds horrible. I would get a tape recorder and go hang out with some of those guys but then you would hear on the news about how some idiot weaing a Mic under his shirt got shot because they thought he was wired.
I think that BrianLuce and Alvarez really hit the nail on the head.
Screen speak and real speak are very different things. The general idea is to create the "impression" of real dialog but in a way that frequently requires a very distilled and often highly stylized, turn of phrase.
Simply copying actual "real" dialog seldom works and almost never drives the characters' motivations forward. It may however, give you some sense of the cadence or rhythm in which they speak.
For fun, try transcribing a few scenes from Glengarry Glenn Ross (David Mamet), Hard Eight (P.T. Anderson), Miller's Crossing (Coen Bros.) and almost anything from Tarantino. You'll quickly see how "unreal" most of the dialog exchanges really are. I would count those four as some of the best in the biz IMHO.
Very, very tough to do well - truly lightning in a bottle! If you can master that, your actors will LOVE you!
good luck with you project!
: )
dmc
Screen speak and real speak are very different things. The general idea is to create the "impression" of real dialog but in a way that frequently requires a very distilled and often highly stylized, turn of phrase.
Simply copying actual "real" dialog seldom works and almost never drives the characters' motivations forward. It may however, give you some sense of the cadence or rhythm in which they speak.
For fun, try transcribing a few scenes from Glengarry Glenn Ross (David Mamet), Hard Eight (P.T. Anderson), Miller's Crossing (Coen Bros.) and almost anything from Tarantino. You'll quickly see how "unreal" most of the dialog exchanges really are. I would count those four as some of the best in the biz IMHO.
Very, very tough to do well - truly lightning in a bottle! If you can master that, your actors will LOVE you!
good luck with you project!
: )
dmc
clang
Veteran
The _way_ that your actors speak, including their body language, is far more important than their word choice. In fact, presuming they're good enough actors, it's much more interesting for your audience if the actors _don't_ use cliched 'gangsta' language . And if your actors suck, the meanest gang language won't make them any more convincing (unless you're trying for comedy)
Mickey Munday
Well-known member
read scripts from movies where you feel the dialogue is real. see how it was written.
ask some of them (the boyz from the hood) to let you tape record them having a normal conversation because you're writing a screenplay.
if you come from a bad neighborhood then this should be a no brainer and you should know somebody.
ask some of them (the boyz from the hood) to let you tape record them having a normal conversation because you're writing a screenplay.
if you come from a bad neighborhood then this should be a no brainer and you should know somebody.
Mickey Munday
Well-known member
yea, post a little scene or dialogue from the script. it may just be in your head. who knows.
Asking real gangbangers to let you tape their conversations sounds like a marvelous way to end up in a shallow grave...
...that is, if they feel like bothering to bury your ass after they're through with you.
Mickey Munday
Well-known member
well hell, i didn't say it had to be a conversation about the last drug deal or murder. they could talk about ANYTHING, girls, the jermaine taylor fight, their opinion on anything, just shooting the breeze.
he said he comes from "real bad neighborhoods" so if thas the case he should know somebody, at least one or two people, and be able to tell them what he's doing and just tape record them talking in a general conversation.
i've tape recorded a coupla guys from my old neighborhood in brooklyn that had been in prison for trafficking drugs back and forth through state lines for Kenneth Supreme McGriff and they told me more than i asked. all i had asked him for was how a drug deal would go down if the dealer knew the guy was a cop. they even acted out the situation and i used their slang and made note of their character and body movements when they spoke or got excited about something. words alone don't make a character real.
....but as he's said, he already knows how they talk and just needs to write it so it feels right to him.