Matt Grunau
Adobe Demigod
This one hit home with a vengance. I had been up all night, and was sleeping in late. I get a call I finally answer from my wife. The first thing she tells me is, "I want you to relax, I have something you need to know". So, predictably, my pulse skyrockets and I start looking around for a beer or something.
She is 6 months pregnant, and we lost the first twins about nine months ago. So of course I am thinking the phone call would be something like that, or that something has happened to my dad, mom, brothers. What I got was not what I expected.
She told me that my ten-year-old niece had been sexually abused by my mother's boyfriend on a trip out to the "farm" (where they live). At first, as shamed as I am to admit it, I was a little releaved, because one of the other things she premised the phone call from was, "Everyone is ok, no one is hurt, but I need you to listen to me".
My niece used to stay over quite often, and without problem. I don't know what this f*ckin jackass was thinking, maybe he was drunk, I dunno, and I still don't have all the facts. They also made sure to not let me know until he was in custody. That was a smart thing for his sake to do.
And here is the kicker: She didn't tell her parents, she didn't call me (and we have a great relationship) she kept it a secret. She was ashamed, and didn't want to upset my mother by telling what the boyfriend did.
I live in West Virginia, a place where crime is low, a place where if you have a flat tire on the highway, you will have five or six good and decent people stop to help.
So this was like being hit in the head with a frying pan. Since I live closest to my mom, they didn't call me and let me know. I can understand why, as I would have probably lured him to my car under the auspice of having car trouble, and then beaten the hell out of him with an axe handle. So maybe they spared me some jail time too.
My real point in posting this is not for sympathy or understanding, most of you reading this are incapable of either, simply because of the nature of the event. This is a girl I was present for her birth, and because I was jobless for a while, babysat and raised both her and her brother for almost two years while the parents worked.
My real goal is to get your kids, your nieces, your nephews to communicate. My niece didn't confide in any of us. She told a friend, and the friend told her mother, and that mother called my sister in law. That is a completely unacceptable way to get this kind of news to the people who need to know.
If you have kids, talk to them. Let them know they can tell you anything. Don't end up taking weeks to find out through a third party the truth of something of this magnitude. We have to instill a level of trust that our children, nieces, nephews, and other young people important to us are comfortable to talk directly to us.
I pray to any gods that listen the you won't get a phone call like I did. Take the time. Talk to your kids. I know this kind of subject can be awkward, but believe me when I tell you nothing is more awkward that having to be told such a thing weeks after the event, because she was not comfortable talking to her parents.
That can be avoided. Please take the steps.
I only the the SOB makes bail.
M.
She is 6 months pregnant, and we lost the first twins about nine months ago. So of course I am thinking the phone call would be something like that, or that something has happened to my dad, mom, brothers. What I got was not what I expected.
She told me that my ten-year-old niece had been sexually abused by my mother's boyfriend on a trip out to the "farm" (where they live). At first, as shamed as I am to admit it, I was a little releaved, because one of the other things she premised the phone call from was, "Everyone is ok, no one is hurt, but I need you to listen to me".
My niece used to stay over quite often, and without problem. I don't know what this f*ckin jackass was thinking, maybe he was drunk, I dunno, and I still don't have all the facts. They also made sure to not let me know until he was in custody. That was a smart thing for his sake to do.
And here is the kicker: She didn't tell her parents, she didn't call me (and we have a great relationship) she kept it a secret. She was ashamed, and didn't want to upset my mother by telling what the boyfriend did.
I live in West Virginia, a place where crime is low, a place where if you have a flat tire on the highway, you will have five or six good and decent people stop to help.
So this was like being hit in the head with a frying pan. Since I live closest to my mom, they didn't call me and let me know. I can understand why, as I would have probably lured him to my car under the auspice of having car trouble, and then beaten the hell out of him with an axe handle. So maybe they spared me some jail time too.
My real point in posting this is not for sympathy or understanding, most of you reading this are incapable of either, simply because of the nature of the event. This is a girl I was present for her birth, and because I was jobless for a while, babysat and raised both her and her brother for almost two years while the parents worked.
My real goal is to get your kids, your nieces, your nephews to communicate. My niece didn't confide in any of us. She told a friend, and the friend told her mother, and that mother called my sister in law. That is a completely unacceptable way to get this kind of news to the people who need to know.
If you have kids, talk to them. Let them know they can tell you anything. Don't end up taking weeks to find out through a third party the truth of something of this magnitude. We have to instill a level of trust that our children, nieces, nephews, and other young people important to us are comfortable to talk directly to us.
I pray to any gods that listen the you won't get a phone call like I did. Take the time. Talk to your kids. I know this kind of subject can be awkward, but believe me when I tell you nothing is more awkward that having to be told such a thing weeks after the event, because she was not comfortable talking to her parents.
That can be avoided. Please take the steps.
I only the the SOB makes bail.
M.
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