Tell me how this is going so far

Robbie Comeau

Robbie Comeau

Como's back. back again
So i entered hallow fest, and im 16. Im doing this whole thig by my self (maybe with anoher guy but im still tinking)

i got a guy who wants to be in it, i just gutta find a girl.

Im new to this whole thing, specially writing, never been taught, so im doing it from what i hav taught my self.

here is an intro to an idea for a suspense Hallows fest entry, i dont no if i should post this but meh

INT: Day- Forest

FADE IN

WS of a girl walking in the forest. An attractive blond. She’s About 17.

CUT to CU of a camera lenses, and the barely seen fingers, focusing the knob.

CUT to the POV of the camera, with the girl in the shot. Nice and framed.

CUT back to girl walking, CU.

She stutters, she thinks she hears a noise (the camera clicking, after it has taken a picture)

CUT back to CU of lens, and it slowly comes down, to reveal NICKS face. It’s a straight face, deep in focus on the girl.

CUT to girl walking, looking around, looking scared.

She hears it again. And again, and again. She starts panicking and running. Shots cut to several different angles.

She reaches a long set of old, wooden stairs. She’s deep in the forest. She runs, and runs all the way to the top.

CUT to Nicks FACE, still in focus. He turns and gets out of the shot.

FADE OUT
Click to expand...
 
I like it - as far as a screenplay i think its kind of wordy but as far the actual content I like it. Alot is setup here in a short amount of time without any dialogue. A good way to start a short as far as I am concerned. Dont tell us too much though :)
 
well thats the intro, then as shes running up the stairs, its show the photgrapher, and he leaves the scene, and bam the credits come on, (15 seconds right?)

i just need to scout some people
 
i got a perfect location for this scene two, its a forest by my house actualyl called "99 steps" and theres stairs that lead u down to the forest, and theres trails n stuff.....theres 99 stairs its cool
 
All films must be no longer than 5 (five) minutes total. The following format must be followed. Film Title (any format), body of film, 10 seconds of credits (which must clearly acknowledge dvxuser.com).

Keep writing :)
 
ok this is all im posting, i got a couple more scenes done, gunna edit them up a bit and see where i get. last time posting my idea lol im an idiot

EXT: Day- Forest

FADE IN

WS of a girl walking in the forest. An attractive blond. She’s About 17.

CUT to CU of a camera lens, and the barely seen fingers, focusing the knob.

CUT to the POV of the camera, with the girl in the shot. Nice and framed.

CUT back to girl walking, CU.

She stutters, she thinks she hears a noise (the camera clicking, after it has taken a picture)

CUT back to CU of lens, and it slowly comes down, to reveal NICKS face. It’s a straight face, deep in focus on the girl.

CUT to girl walking, looking around, looking scared.

She hears it again. And again, and again. She starts panicking and running. Shots cut to several different angles.

She reaches a long set of old, wooden stairs. She’s deep in the forest. She runs, and runs all the way to the top.

CUT to Nicks FACE, still in focus. He turns and gets out of the shot.

FADE OUT



CREDITS
(Title)



EXT: Day- Street

FADE IN

A van pulls into a driveway. CUT to a girl getting out of her house, yelling

Ill be back in a bit!

She gets into the car.

JULIE
Hey hun

NICKY
(With a smile, then a serious look)
Hey you, you ready, Brad and Mike are waiting, the show starts in 15 minutes!

JULIE
I know, I know…But listen, can I just, talk to you for a sec

NICKY
Ya, is everything ok?

JULIE
Well, I’m not sure. I went for a walk in that forest yesterday, the one you told me abou-

NICKY
(Cuts in)
Old anchor parkway?

JULIE
Y-ya, that one. Well I went to go for a walk you know, just to see how it was. And as I was leaving,

CU of NICKYS face.
CUT back to JULIE

JULIE
I felt I was being watched. Then I thought I heard something, like a camera. I’m not sure though

NICKY
Hm…sound creepy. You wanna go back there tomorrow? I can show you the good trails.

JULIE
Ya, sure I guess…

NICKY
Ok, well we’ll talk about this later ok? We really gotta get going

JULIA
Ya, ok thanks

JULIA leans back, and relaxes

NICKY
Hun, your not in danger

JULIA
I know

She starts the car and drives off. CUT to WS of car driving away in the distant.

INT: Night- Nick’s room

ECU of JULIA. A picture, that NICK took, while he and her was in the forest.
SHOT zooms out slowly, and NICKS hand enters; grabs the picture and pulls it away

CU of NICKS face, as he looks down

CUT to WS of NICK, holding picture, with several others on the wall.

CUT to CU of NICKS face, as he looks up from photo, and wanders his eyes at all the others, going from right to left.
CUT to pictures, going from right to left as well.

FADE OUT
Click to expand...
 
Of course it's been stated it's not in proper format. No need to put a "CUT TO" between each scene as that's inferred.

As for this line:

"She stutters, she thinks she hears a noise (the camera clicking, after it has taken a picture)"

If it take be shown, don't put it in there. "she thinks" is in her head. Rewrite it visually.
 
...to reveal NICKS face. It’s a straight face...
Click to expand...
As opposed to what?

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1188527153.jpg
 
a good free writing program for macs would be Celtx. I'm not sure how well they work with mac but I do know that it is compatible. I use it on a pc now and it is the best. It ins't hard to figure out the format of writting a script. But if you are planning to shoot something yourself you are free to write however you'ld like, just know that some people [i.e. actors/crew] may have trouble understanding certain things.
 
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