I just spent 39 hours on Saturday and Sunday volunteering on a 10 minute short film for a director I had never met before. The short had no budget and no departments (there was no set dresser, no continuity person, no lighting person, no props person, no production manager, etc.). Absolutely to be expected on a no-budget short. For crew, all we had was
-a woman doing make-up
-the director
-a first-time-never-been-on-set-before producer
-a camera operator (who donated use of his own expensive camera)
-a focus puller
-a first A.D. (first day only)
-and two other avid filmmakers who showed up to offer their skills (I was one of these guys).
I have worked on big budget projects and shot my own no-budget shorts, and I strongly believe that the rules that apply to a director managing his crew are very, very different when no one is being paid. Here are some of my suggestions to this director following my weekend's ordeal:
Dear Mr. Nobody Director, when people are working on your stupid, badly written short film for free:
1. Greet everyone in the morning with a smile and a handshake and thank them sincerely for showing up (yes, I'm sure you're stressed--deal with it--you're setting the tone for the rest of the shoot).
2. Ask and REMEMBER the first name of every single person who shows up to help. If you're a real gentleman you'll ask and try and remember their last name too. But christalmighty get to know their first name within the first hour at least. So when you're on set you don't just call people by saying "You, can you be stand-in here?" and "You, can you move that apple box?" People working on your stupid, badly written short film deserve to be called by their first name. If you can't or don't want to remember a person's first name, then consider yourself a moron who doesn't deserve to have that person on your set.
3. As you begin shooting, and you find you're stumped/stymied/stupefied because you're not very experienced, be open to people's ideas on set. Welcome it and appreciate it. Your artistic vision (if you actually have one) will still be protected, because you're the final arbiter of what you do. But you might get some great suggestions from that P.A. or boom operator that make your work better. And people will all have more fun being part of the process. Heck, why else are they there?! (Note this is in striking contrast to a pro shoot where you know your place and you only comment on another department's or the director's ideas AT YOUR PERIL.)
4. Further to number 3 above, if someone DOES give you an idea you use, thank them for it sincerely, and be willing to say out loud that Joe just gave me a great idea to do whatever. It shows courage and confidence when you're willing to give credit where credit is due. Heck, if the film is any good, only you Mr. Nobody Director will get any acclaim for it, so giving some P.A. 20 seconds of glory by acknowledging their idea on set and not claiming it as your own will make your crew happier and harder working.
5. Never EVER EVER shout at anyone. You haven't earned that right. You're not paying anyone. Frankly, shouting at someone is unacceptable whether you're paying them or not, but in the professional film industry it's sorta common practice for people to shout at the people below them on the ladder. But on a stupid, badly written short film where everyone's just volunteering to work 17 hours each day on their weekend, well, you Mr. Nobody Director have not earned the right to shout at a single person. You haven't earned the right to shout at a cockroach. For those hours when everyone else is volunteering, you are the least important person on that set. Your job is to make your film the best it can be, but you're nobody. Let's say "the film" itself comes first (everyone's there for the film, in principle), after that everyone else comes next before you Mr. Nobody Director. You come last, because if someone screws up, it's your fault for being a nobody director who can't afford to hire pros who don't screw up. It's your fault for not giving proper direction. It's your fault for not properly preparing. Basically, it's ALL your fault. Every person there deserves to be there more than you do, because they are giving something of themselves out of pure generosity. You are there out of pure arrogance and self-interested ego (which has its place...just know its place).
6. When it's time to set up the next shot, Mr. Nobody Director, you better be there working hard schlepping light stands and set dec harder than anyone else. You should NOT be out having a smoke or drinking a Coke with your actor buddies. You must work harder than anyone else. Yes, you're stressed and tired cuz you've been prepping all week. Deal with it or don't ask people to volunteer their time on your stupid badly written short film. Maybe you just think it doesn't look cool for a director to be on his knees sweeping broken glass up off the floor. You're not cool. You're not cool until someone's paying you for a film because you're talented and all your crew is being paid too. If you cannot be on set helping set up the next shot, then tell the crew where you're going and why (it's legitimate to need to go over a scene with an actor somewhere quiet...but I can't think of many other reasons you're not there lifting the heavier of the two boxes). If the director on a no-budget film has time for a smoke break, then so do I.
7. When you return from having your Coke you better compliment everyone who just suddenly set up your next shot, without any direction or request from you. Like, "wow this looks great, thank you [insert first name here] and [insert first name here]. I just want to change a couple things," upon which you begin to change them YOURSELF if you can, or ask someone nicely to do it for you. Note: I don't believe being polite takes more time than being rude--yes we're all on a tight schedule--but civility will actually make things go FASTER because people will be energized and happy to make your stupid badly written film better!
8. When it's time for lunch, you should eat last. You should make sure everyone's got enough to eat and ask them if they like it or if they need anything else. Unlike a pro film set where people are being paid, you're actually just the host of a party. So be a good host. If you cannot handle being attentive to your crew, then get your much nicer boyfriend or girlfriend to take on that role and give you some breathing time (even though you don't deserve any breathing time because this whole weekend is ALL FOR YOU).
9. Thoughout the day, once in a while ask if your crew needs water, juice, pop or snacks. Yeah, have a few snacks around ok? Those bologne sandwiches at lunch don't give a lot of energy. Yes, it's no-budget. I've been there. But you could afford to rent a P+S Technic 35 mm adapter--you can bloody well afford a few bags of chips and granola gars. I'm not talking about buying out the convenience store here. Just a bit of energy food between meals.
10. Come on, ask at least one or two questions of each person over the course of the shoot. I mean personal (but not too personal) questions. Like, what do you do? Where do you live? What do you want to do? Something. Your free crew aren't robots. Aren't you interested in them at all? At least to find out why they're strange and stupid enough to show up for your stupid badly written short film? And while we're at it, maybe laugh at other's jokes and include people in your own. Yeah, you think you and a few of your buddies look real cool running your film set like it's one of those real film sets you work on during your day job as a producer's assistant, but it's actually not. Everyone's there to feel included and welcomed. (Hey, if you didn't want anyone there, you should have told them not to show up so they could actually enjoy their weekend!). The no budget film experience can be a bonding, fun experience for everyone. Everyone's donating all their energy and time. Make it enjoyable, even for the geek you don't think is very funny or cool. Make him feel funny and cool for a weekend. You owe him that. (Yeah, I'm a geek, but I wasn't the only geek on this set who wasn't included in the exclusive party that happened around the set for most of the weekend.)
11. I'm starting to repeat myself, but last one: when the day's over, don't lie on the couch watching TV while your crew packs up. You're exhausted? Well so am I. You're more exhuasted? Well, it's YOUR FILM! You should be!!! And when everyone leaves, you shake their hand, call them by their first name and thank them profusely. Because you're not worthy. And I won't be worthy either when I start shooting my next no budget film and ask friends and strangers to show up for free so I can become a big star.
So that's what I came up with for my manifesto to all Nobody Directors asking for volunteers on their stupid badly written short films. They're not the same rules as apply to pay gigs, I realize. A big movie has a strict hierarchy and departments with specific roles, a reverence for the key creative heads, and ultimately a holy reverence for the director and the producer (unless they're total f**k ups, in which case you obediedently obey and follow every one of their commands to the best of your ability anyway, because ...well you're getting paid). You might have to kiss some ass and bury your pride and do whatever you gotta do so that you don't screw up and the "gods" (whether that's the second assistant camera or the first A.D. or whoever) is happy with your work, or at least never has reason to hate you. No budget films are a different thing entirely. They can be a training ground to learn about some of these rules and hierarchy of big, pro projects. But to pretend they are those things is just a joke (hey, if you don't have a set dresser and you just walk out of the room without even asking anyone to dress the set, but somehow think it's going to happen anyway--and it did byt he way--well I just think you're a loser).
I would like to have walked off this set within the first few hours of my Saturday. I wouldn't even have said goodbye. Not the most professional thing to do. But pros get paid. I would have been more than happy to have vanished like that and it would have served the guy right. But my friend was the DP/camera operator and I was there to make it better for him, and I stuck it out for him. It just wasn't much fun, and I'd never ever do anything for that nobody director again, even if he becomes a somebody director.
Peace out.
-a woman doing make-up
-the director
-a first-time-never-been-on-set-before producer
-a camera operator (who donated use of his own expensive camera)
-a focus puller
-a first A.D. (first day only)
-and two other avid filmmakers who showed up to offer their skills (I was one of these guys).
I have worked on big budget projects and shot my own no-budget shorts, and I strongly believe that the rules that apply to a director managing his crew are very, very different when no one is being paid. Here are some of my suggestions to this director following my weekend's ordeal:
Dear Mr. Nobody Director, when people are working on your stupid, badly written short film for free:
1. Greet everyone in the morning with a smile and a handshake and thank them sincerely for showing up (yes, I'm sure you're stressed--deal with it--you're setting the tone for the rest of the shoot).
2. Ask and REMEMBER the first name of every single person who shows up to help. If you're a real gentleman you'll ask and try and remember their last name too. But christalmighty get to know their first name within the first hour at least. So when you're on set you don't just call people by saying "You, can you be stand-in here?" and "You, can you move that apple box?" People working on your stupid, badly written short film deserve to be called by their first name. If you can't or don't want to remember a person's first name, then consider yourself a moron who doesn't deserve to have that person on your set.
3. As you begin shooting, and you find you're stumped/stymied/stupefied because you're not very experienced, be open to people's ideas on set. Welcome it and appreciate it. Your artistic vision (if you actually have one) will still be protected, because you're the final arbiter of what you do. But you might get some great suggestions from that P.A. or boom operator that make your work better. And people will all have more fun being part of the process. Heck, why else are they there?! (Note this is in striking contrast to a pro shoot where you know your place and you only comment on another department's or the director's ideas AT YOUR PERIL.)
4. Further to number 3 above, if someone DOES give you an idea you use, thank them for it sincerely, and be willing to say out loud that Joe just gave me a great idea to do whatever. It shows courage and confidence when you're willing to give credit where credit is due. Heck, if the film is any good, only you Mr. Nobody Director will get any acclaim for it, so giving some P.A. 20 seconds of glory by acknowledging their idea on set and not claiming it as your own will make your crew happier and harder working.
5. Never EVER EVER shout at anyone. You haven't earned that right. You're not paying anyone. Frankly, shouting at someone is unacceptable whether you're paying them or not, but in the professional film industry it's sorta common practice for people to shout at the people below them on the ladder. But on a stupid, badly written short film where everyone's just volunteering to work 17 hours each day on their weekend, well, you Mr. Nobody Director have not earned the right to shout at a single person. You haven't earned the right to shout at a cockroach. For those hours when everyone else is volunteering, you are the least important person on that set. Your job is to make your film the best it can be, but you're nobody. Let's say "the film" itself comes first (everyone's there for the film, in principle), after that everyone else comes next before you Mr. Nobody Director. You come last, because if someone screws up, it's your fault for being a nobody director who can't afford to hire pros who don't screw up. It's your fault for not giving proper direction. It's your fault for not properly preparing. Basically, it's ALL your fault. Every person there deserves to be there more than you do, because they are giving something of themselves out of pure generosity. You are there out of pure arrogance and self-interested ego (which has its place...just know its place).
6. When it's time to set up the next shot, Mr. Nobody Director, you better be there working hard schlepping light stands and set dec harder than anyone else. You should NOT be out having a smoke or drinking a Coke with your actor buddies. You must work harder than anyone else. Yes, you're stressed and tired cuz you've been prepping all week. Deal with it or don't ask people to volunteer their time on your stupid badly written short film. Maybe you just think it doesn't look cool for a director to be on his knees sweeping broken glass up off the floor. You're not cool. You're not cool until someone's paying you for a film because you're talented and all your crew is being paid too. If you cannot be on set helping set up the next shot, then tell the crew where you're going and why (it's legitimate to need to go over a scene with an actor somewhere quiet...but I can't think of many other reasons you're not there lifting the heavier of the two boxes). If the director on a no-budget film has time for a smoke break, then so do I.
7. When you return from having your Coke you better compliment everyone who just suddenly set up your next shot, without any direction or request from you. Like, "wow this looks great, thank you [insert first name here] and [insert first name here]. I just want to change a couple things," upon which you begin to change them YOURSELF if you can, or ask someone nicely to do it for you. Note: I don't believe being polite takes more time than being rude--yes we're all on a tight schedule--but civility will actually make things go FASTER because people will be energized and happy to make your stupid badly written film better!
8. When it's time for lunch, you should eat last. You should make sure everyone's got enough to eat and ask them if they like it or if they need anything else. Unlike a pro film set where people are being paid, you're actually just the host of a party. So be a good host. If you cannot handle being attentive to your crew, then get your much nicer boyfriend or girlfriend to take on that role and give you some breathing time (even though you don't deserve any breathing time because this whole weekend is ALL FOR YOU).
9. Thoughout the day, once in a while ask if your crew needs water, juice, pop or snacks. Yeah, have a few snacks around ok? Those bologne sandwiches at lunch don't give a lot of energy. Yes, it's no-budget. I've been there. But you could afford to rent a P+S Technic 35 mm adapter--you can bloody well afford a few bags of chips and granola gars. I'm not talking about buying out the convenience store here. Just a bit of energy food between meals.
10. Come on, ask at least one or two questions of each person over the course of the shoot. I mean personal (but not too personal) questions. Like, what do you do? Where do you live? What do you want to do? Something. Your free crew aren't robots. Aren't you interested in them at all? At least to find out why they're strange and stupid enough to show up for your stupid badly written short film? And while we're at it, maybe laugh at other's jokes and include people in your own. Yeah, you think you and a few of your buddies look real cool running your film set like it's one of those real film sets you work on during your day job as a producer's assistant, but it's actually not. Everyone's there to feel included and welcomed. (Hey, if you didn't want anyone there, you should have told them not to show up so they could actually enjoy their weekend!). The no budget film experience can be a bonding, fun experience for everyone. Everyone's donating all their energy and time. Make it enjoyable, even for the geek you don't think is very funny or cool. Make him feel funny and cool for a weekend. You owe him that. (Yeah, I'm a geek, but I wasn't the only geek on this set who wasn't included in the exclusive party that happened around the set for most of the weekend.)
11. I'm starting to repeat myself, but last one: when the day's over, don't lie on the couch watching TV while your crew packs up. You're exhausted? Well so am I. You're more exhuasted? Well, it's YOUR FILM! You should be!!! And when everyone leaves, you shake their hand, call them by their first name and thank them profusely. Because you're not worthy. And I won't be worthy either when I start shooting my next no budget film and ask friends and strangers to show up for free so I can become a big star.
So that's what I came up with for my manifesto to all Nobody Directors asking for volunteers on their stupid badly written short films. They're not the same rules as apply to pay gigs, I realize. A big movie has a strict hierarchy and departments with specific roles, a reverence for the key creative heads, and ultimately a holy reverence for the director and the producer (unless they're total f**k ups, in which case you obediedently obey and follow every one of their commands to the best of your ability anyway, because ...well you're getting paid). You might have to kiss some ass and bury your pride and do whatever you gotta do so that you don't screw up and the "gods" (whether that's the second assistant camera or the first A.D. or whoever) is happy with your work, or at least never has reason to hate you. No budget films are a different thing entirely. They can be a training ground to learn about some of these rules and hierarchy of big, pro projects. But to pretend they are those things is just a joke (hey, if you don't have a set dresser and you just walk out of the room without even asking anyone to dress the set, but somehow think it's going to happen anyway--and it did byt he way--well I just think you're a loser).
I would like to have walked off this set within the first few hours of my Saturday. I wouldn't even have said goodbye. Not the most professional thing to do. But pros get paid. I would have been more than happy to have vanished like that and it would have served the guy right. But my friend was the DP/camera operator and I was there to make it better for him, and I stuck it out for him. It just wasn't much fun, and I'd never ever do anything for that nobody director again, even if he becomes a somebody director.
Peace out.
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