Follow along with the video below to see how to install our site as a web app on your home screen.
Note: This feature may not be available in some browsers.
- Noted some Brit speak.
- A blaster? That's such a girly name for a gun.
- What does the creature look like?
Ah! I liked this ending. You could even play the rescue out a little more and then have the screech interrupt the scene and then jump cut skipping the whole freezing bit, make it jarring. Good job.
I liked this for the most part. It really had me until Dickerson started to SHOUT. It's all IN CAPS and reads like it's way over the top when it doesn't need to be.
I'm okay with Brit speak, but spell out third.
A blaster makes me think of Star Wars, but maybe this is set in the near future (?) so having a high tech laser gun *could* be excused. Having a brief glimpse at the creature only gets more curious as to what it looks like. Is it a mutated wolf, one of Lovecraft's Old Ones or an alien? The setting actually reminded me of some B zombie flicks. (in a good way)
"is sat" is a grammaritical error.
No FADE IN
***I'm sorry I don't see how the character is trapped so I remove a point for that.
Hi Heather,
Thanks for the read.
Good:
Great idea for trapped. It's a large trapped.
He's left to die. Reminds me of "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
Future guns. Nice.
I like the anti-hollywood ending. The breakdown of atoms was nicely done.
Not so Good:
I know it isn't your angle here, but I really wanted to know what they were fighting!
some of the dialogue needs work.
As a Private I can't understand his tone. His character is better suited for a higher rank, and played by a young Arnie (obviously this would open a can of worms and he would have to fight the army of monsters single handed.)
Overall, this is an interesting idea. With more time and care, it would be great. Well done.
Well, there would be Brit speak, I'm British! I know you're only pointing it out because there's no way I would have known, but I really hope that nobody marks me down for it. I don't mark people down for using Americanisms, and it's not a US competition, so as long as it's grammatically correct, and the spelling is fine in some variation of the English language, I don't see how it matters.
I know you were only pulling my leg Chris, I've just had feedback from a few other places along the lines of "well you can't spell/use English so I don't see how you're expecting your scripts to be any good" because I've called it a pavement instead of a sidewalk, or spelled it 'colour'.
Hi-ya,Trapped in a dead city.
Trapped behind enemy lines.
Trapped with with an immobilising injury as his doom approaches.
Your choice, pick one Sunk99.