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    Scripture - hiro
    Thx for watching, let me have it! I've seen the film so many times that I can't really critque it myself for improvement. I feel like at this point of time its the best I can do and from here on out, I'll do better hopefully. Can't do it without your critques!

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    Senior Member Final Design Studios's Avatar
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    Dec 2004
    Fairbanks, Alaska
    dude, I thought your editing was top notch, it really went for that fantastic ridley scott feel.

    The story itself was pretty convoluted, there was alot that wasn't explained (like the dude at the end with the two chicks). You may have had to cut down in editing to get it to five minutes, at least thats what it felt like.

    But your color correction was good too, a little soft, but not bad. I prefer the sharp gritty look for zombie and quick cutting footage.

    Just to sum it all up. Story was hard to follow and didn't make a whole lot of sense. But your execution of lacking story was really well done.
    Now entering year 6 of video production. Wheeee.

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    Senior Member Slimothy's Avatar
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    Oct 2004
    Apple Valley, Ca
    I totally agree w/ toilet_bob. This one has the flashiest editing of them all so far. Story really lacked as me and a few others watching didn't and still don't totally get it. We may just be stupid!! Sound effects was good, music good, acting good. Editing great. Story, not so good. Good job.

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    I liked it a lot. I thought everything just flowed really smoothly (I'm in Charlotte too, so I'm curious as to where you shot it).

    The editing as everyone else has said was great. The overall feel of it was just incredible. I actually showed it to someone today and they were equally impressed. I just thought it was great project and you did a good job. The ending, as others have said, was cool, but I just didn't really get it.

    By the way, the wide shot when she shoots the first of her two friends is one of the most beautiful shots I have seen. Just an incredible and moving piece.
    Before you ask use the DVXUser Search function

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    Retired Moderator J.R. Hudson's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    San Diego, CA

    I am a fan of your previous work that I have seen and I think you did some good things here. Specifically...

    One particular sequence in this short is during the end when the young man says 'Stop!'. Man this really is cinematic in flavor. The talent, the editing the execution. The whole sequence works for me (although the overhead felt like the wrong shot IMO).

    I do like how this short starts; a very clever and effective introduction with the montage of the nights acitivies but as it gets to the NEXT MORNING scene it begins to unravel. For me the story becomes mishmashed IMO. From a raving party, to the next morning, to violence and chaos inthe woods, to my favorite scene and then another sequence that leaves me asking WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Too much for me personally in 5 Minutes time. For me it became sensory overload. A few times I literally cant tell what is going on. My mind is just trying to keep up.

    I wish the same pacing and intensity you put into the CINEMATIC scene I mentioned above was put into the entire piece as I had trouble staying connected at such a frenetic pace. You have a nice style and when all pistons are running you do hammer it; but maybe it's hard to keep up? Find your speed limit. This piece has a '28 Days Later' vibe for me. It feels modern in style. But with such a stylistic approach it is imperative you do nail it or it begins to become a music video sans the music.

    Is this another Magic Bullet production? This look is overdone IMO and for theatrical and/o narrative work it detracts me from the experience. (Think XL1 work 3 or 4 years ago). The titles were impressive; Beautiful. Your actress who you seem to use alot is good as well; I enjoy watching her work.

    Overall? I think with more time and thought you could have had something really special on your hands. Some things work here and some thigns do not and/or just dont work together (too many elements?). I believe you have talent and am enjoying watching you grow as a filmmaker. I look forward to your next project.

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    wow. i loved it. I am impressed. it's the best one I've seen yet on this contest. more to go though... good work hiro.

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    I really liked the titles and sound that went with them.

    Like John, I felt that it jumped around a bit too much. I think that rather than showing the party at the beginning you could have just started off in the bedroom, just get there faster. But I guess the party sets up why there are so many people in the house and how the girl on the bed was knocked out.

    What didn't make sense to me was how the guy in the closet got away from the zombie who attacked him. I didn't find that believable.

    What I really liked was how you did the rewind and your decision on where to freeze the frame of the camcorder. That was really really cool.

    I thought the move from the bedroom to the forest was too fast and choppy. Some the shots don't look consistent either.

    I really liked the look of the female zombies. The main brunette actress was really good and very cute.

    The guys who were with her a bit less convincing.

    I love the shot where she turns and shoots. It looks like you sped it up a bit, very very cool.

    Having the woman kill off her friends was awesome. I felt her pain when she did it. I think the music really helped here.

    IMO this is where the film should have ended. with her crying and exhausted in the woods and maybe panning out to a wide shot. The next scene and the end was too much. Too tangential.

    Your film felt like a first rate horror film. I really liked it.

    Did I mention that your zombies looked really cool.

    update: Oh I didn't understand the title.

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    wass upp everyone..just woke up.

    well guys.. all I can say everything was done on purpose. I took a risk, I kept alot of the stuff in so that it has be watch again & again. please read below!

    --spoilers-- please dont read until you seen it.

    Boy this was risky alot of the people didn't get it either but after a watching it a few times, they did. There are two stories happening at the same time in this movie. The story really focuses on the sofia (main girl) and the surivival with her friends. Then in the background of all this chaos, theres this paper.. The writing on it which is the scripture that basically turns people crazy and then into zombies. Just when you think the movie is over, we are revisiting this story again at the end, which reveals that because of this paper everyone's dead, and we get to see the villian that was behind it all. Weird way to tell a story? I wanted to do something creative, step away from the linear way of telling a story. ..... I bomb didn't I? lol. that shirt is looking mighty good right about now.


    toiletbob , slimothy, dvxpixel - thx for critques/comments, I'll do better next time. the guy that i work for, who basically is my mentor, says that i need to work on my story telling rather having my editing do the work.

    TheYankee, I lived 30 mins outside of charlotte, we did this in my neighbors backyard which isn't very big. I usually don't do wides but I'm please with the way it came out.

    JohnHudson, hey bro. Hopefully I came a long way from that gay lucid trailer I did a while back. The acting, I wanted to concentrate on this time especially with stefanie, she did really good on scriptless!. I wanted to see what she can do with a horror movie. I took alot of takes with her because I wanted her to stand out. everyone else would just complement her. The guy who gets shot is rickie, only took 3 takes. extreme close-up, midshot, and other midshot. I think I gave my best direction here. Looks like it paid off! funny thing is I spent the least time on that sequence.

    As far as the visuals, I did used magic bullet...yea lol the compression really made it look soft. I don't know if you could tell or not, the morning was suppose be foggy. Initially that sequence was suppose to be night time but it didn't look convincing enough. so i went with the fog. thx, im striving to get better.

    RAS, wad up! thx, i was going all out for this one. Spent alot of man hours on the sound design, and everything, wanted a theatrical feel. I'm pretty proud of the way zombies turn out, I'd like to show you guys the before picture, the change is pretty drastic. At first they had red eyes, but it felt like a zombie invades earth kind of movie, so i toned it down.

    the compression took alot away from the visual I think. I'll use QT from now on.

    so overall, thx guys keep em coming.

    I have another cut to be put online when this contest is over, Id like for it be beat up again before I send if off to a local festival

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    Senior Member Nobody356's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    New York
    OK so theres alot I really like the cinematography and the editing and ALOT about the way you told the story. I didnt get parts of it but thats ok because this really shows that you have a s*%tload of potential. This might not have been the best entry in the contest BUT it really speaks to your talent....I think you could really do well with a little more development. I am really impressed.

    I loved the way you told the story....there were a few parts that didnt make sense but the way the story unfolded in the beginning was really awesome. I loved the videocamera felt gritty and real and was a cool idea for the story. I also loved alot of the cinematography, the look of the footage and the editing. This being said, there were times where it got too chaotic and the cuts were too fast(although im a sucker for fast cuts...i love em, you just cant do it too fast) Also the horizon shots seemed choppy although they helped format the story more.

    I'd say keep working on making the story all come together and ull be better off... other than that this rocked and I can't wait to see more stuff from you

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    Member pywl's Avatar
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    May 2004
    Nashville, TN
    First off like alot of others great composition. I liked how you pulled off the effect of a hand held camcorder effect with rewinding to the story. I also agree with others that the duel story was a little hard to get use to, but agian 5mins is hard to pull something like that off in. The only other thing that i thought may have been over done was the CC in some of the movie. You nailed it and then seemed sometimes maybe it was just a little to over saturated. Your camera skills are good and i have a feeling you'll be a good top contender.

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