My first short film... 3minutes done in 18hours :: some feedbacks would be great...

[everest501]

Hi guys, I found out about your website during my first film Project...

There was a Insomniac movie contest organized by Apple, and thought it was a good way to make my first shot film. We had 24h to make a 3 minutes film.

it took me 18h, follow by 16h of sleep.....

Let me know what you guys think...

(3 things had to be in the film, a guys call Alex Kona, the time 4:11 and some music montage...)

Windows Media Player 24fps : http://fadedhope.net/jf/videos/how_far_would_you_go.wmv

Quicktime 15fps :
http://fadedhope.net/jf/videos/how_far_would_you_go.mov

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR FEEDBACKS.....

[Gohanto]

Alright, it's your first short film so that's pretty good. Welcome to the boards.

Disclaimer: I'm extremely blunt in my opinions.

I had some problems with it though (what first film wouldn't?).
- The entire plot can be summed up in... Someone I don't care about died. Someone else I don't care about walks around being depressed with music playing. He decides to go surfing.

Now, that's probably not what you intended, but movies don't come with explanations attached so you've only got what's on the screen to hold people's attention and tell them a story.

Most of the movie didn't even need to be in the movie. What's important about him getting a surf board? Getting onto the train? Walking around on the street? It doesn't show us anything new about the character.

The clock shot was random. His gf/wife seemed like a bitch for the only purpose of trying to make an audience feel sorry for the main character (which it didn't)

Probably didn't need to put the requirements 5 seconds into the movie, it just confused me.

Now, what I'd guess the you had in mind was the story of a man's best friend dies in a surfing accident, get's depressed and doesn't want to surf anymore, but then something drives him back into it. Happy Ending. Simple enough story, but there are many ways to show it differently than every other movie has done it.

Off the top of my head... Could've had the opening sequence between him and his late friend (still alive) laughing together doing something with surfboards in hand (showing they are both surfers) and intercutting the accident, and then the guy performing CPR on his friend and failing. Would've caught my attention much better.

Now, I know you're not going to re-shoot it, but just trying thinking of all the different ways you can make a story work. The walk around depressed and/or anger music montage without a real purpose drives me nuts.

[everest501]

Thanks for your feedback, I really appreciate that someone took the time to reply...

I agree with everything you said... and took note of everything...

thanks a lot

[Jarrod Homer]

For your first film I thought it was very good. I really liked some of the shots. It could be improved though.

Off the top of my head... Could've had the opening sequence between him and his late friend (still alive) laughing together doing something with surfboards in hand (showing they are both surfers) and intercutting the accident, and then the guy performing CPR on his friend and failing. Would've caught my attention much better.

I agree, it would have made it much more interesting to see how close he was with his friend. I think having them surfing together would show thats what they did and enjoyed most, which would help explain why he went surfing. I would like to see you expand this story a bit and see what you come up with. Keep working on it.