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    #21
    Moderator Jeremy Ordan's Avatar
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    Yeah there was some problem or something so I was left off the ballot. Thanks for the review Robert. I really wish that I had been able to shoot the original script I had written, it was completely different as far as the travel (was time travel rather than memory travel) and didn't have the whole crazy ending. We just didn't have time, the actors, or the locations to pull it off. Thank you for the feedback though. We had fun doing it. Thanks for the feedback.
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    #22
    Senior Member Ought2bCommitted's Avatar
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    I added you to my ballot. You scored well. :-)

    I'd love to read the original script if you have it on PC. It sounds cool especially because I like what you submitted.

    -Robert
    +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
    "In a world full of people, only some want to fly... isn't that crazy?"

    Why, you ought to be committed.
    I know. My shrink says the same thing.


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    #23
    Senior Member John C Lyons's Avatar
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    Well without sounding like a perv I gotta hand it to you for starting your movie out like that. Glad you didn't have any sex sounds though, but it kinda slapped me right awake from the start which works to your advantage. Not too many people (me included) have the balls to start out a DVXuser entry like that, so major kudos.

    OK, but then you go from nice tight shots (most of the film's cinematography was well done, you're stronger when you pushed in) into a very dull setup on the bed. Why oh why?! I thought, "wow, does he think its THAT boring after sex?" he he

    I dug your style! I am not sure if I have seen any of your stuff before but I really dug the stuff at the reaserch/treatment place as well as all the flippy craziness. The car coming at the girl was cool too.

    Music. I didn't like it at first when it was competing with the bed talk, but then once you changed it up in the next scene I didn't notice it.

    Acting. Pretty decent. Not awesome, but it worked, I especially like the two women again in the experiment scene. Which reminds me was the one lady so dark because she was outside of the tube or whatever that the lead was inside? Just wondering about that, at first I thought she was in some other room interrogation style. I would have maybe lit her a bit more b/c it seemed like that thing your lead was in was putting out some serious rays.

    The ending over the credits was funny and well done, nice work here! FX points for that! maybe that's easy to do (I'll read the other posts after I send this) but I don't know how to do it so I was impressed.

    Solid effort man, I am impressed and await your next masterpiece!
    Last edited by John C Lyons; 02-22-2006 at 07:20 PM.
    Finished two short documentaries in the past 2 years. Writing script for 3rd feature film for planned 2015 production.

    Check out my two award-winning DVX100a feature films "Schism" and "There Are No Goodbyes"

    Read the lengthy and informative "Schism" DVXUser thread here!


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    #24
    Senior Member John C Lyons's Avatar
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    ok, so I read the rest and DO NOT submit a long barrage of negativity against your own film at the top of the thread. Yikes. Can't you delete that thing? If you still can, otherwise ask Jarred to do it. My 2 cents. There are many worse films (in my opinion) in the contest.

    I liked the "Primer"-like storyline, and like that movie (which I really love btw cause it hurt my head the first 2 imes I watched it) I don't think every tale has to be crystal clear, but hey I'm a weirdo so what do I know. Also I think the shots of her bloody eyes maybe should have been only shown for a frame or two, more flashes instead of so much time on the shot which makes it hold up a bit less.
    Finished two short documentaries in the past 2 years. Writing script for 3rd feature film for planned 2015 production.

    Check out my two award-winning DVX100a feature films "Schism" and "There Are No Goodbyes"

    Read the lengthy and informative "Schism" DVXUser thread here!


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    #25
    Still Alive Mod Jack Daniel Stanley's Avatar
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    I found this entertaining. The suspense build before she begins the process is particularly effective. the lighting and CC worked particularly well together while they were doin' it and then also when she was laying down right before the process began.

    your highest scores from me were in in SFX and cinematography, your biggest dings were in screenplay and score

    cool idea and cool ending images with all the compositing - very effective there!

    thanks man


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    #26
    Senior Member kimko's Avatar
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    Awe Yankee I Didn't See Yours, I Had To Go Over Slimothys House To See The Shorts He Has Dsl I Have Dialup He Had A List Of Shorts But You're Not On It Damn! I Had Written Down The Ones Who Commented Ours First. I Thought You Were On Them. I'll Have To Come Back Later Sorry
    when you sit yourself to think on the throne you are the king but never the less you are like us and soon the bathroom will stink


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    #27
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    Man, that score... It wasn't even that it was bad, per se, but that one "tense" sound that repeated itself for like a minute while they were tlkaing about her problem in the beginning really yanked me out of the flick.

    I think you covered my problems with the story. It seems like things were left out toward the end, but looks like you just didn't film them. Live and learn, and hopefully have less trouble witht he actors on the next one. ;)

    I liked the cinematography, though as people have mentioend the lighting and composition on the talking bedroom scene were much less interesting than the rest of the flick. Acting ranged a bit, I wasn't too keen on the husband, but the lead and the medical tech were AOK.

    Dialogue and VO coulda been revised a little, but that's more me being picky and considering on-set rewrites, well, what you gonna do?


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    #28
    Senior Member iSTy's Avatar
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    Weird, but good. Clear picture and so were the voices which was an extra.


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    #29
    Senior Member kimko's Avatar
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    hey finally got to see it Jeremy, good beginning operating scene was kool dialogue good acting of nurse wasn't on. but the girl was, she seemed scared good acting on her part. but i got lost on the rest. i liked the car scene flashes that was good
    when you sit yourself to think on the throne you are the king but never the less you are like us and soon the bathroom will stink


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