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    JimtheJib- JOHN AND GUSTAV- Alexander Lewis
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    Senior Member JimtheJib's Avatar
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    my film is up... tell me what you think...
    Last edited by JimtheJib; 02-17-2006 at 05:28 AM.


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    Senior Member penfever's Avatar
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    The 1st to post, as often.
    Not crazy about this one - there was just too much voice-over. I really think it's important to tell a story with a mixture of devices. Voice-over's a tempting tool, no doubt, but it creates a certain atmosphere of distance and indifference. This kind of atmosphere has to be carefully planned around and backed up with the shot style, composition and everything else - otherwise, it doesn't hang together as a unit.
    For the next fest, I suggest you challenge yourself to get better actors, a more experienced unit, and try to branch out a little bit. I think the core - desire and good ideas - is definitely there. Just don't take the easy way out, especially when casting.
    Keep shooting, and good luck.
    Red 143 - Viva Jannard!
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    Senior Member Shaun Patrick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penfever
    For the next fest, I suggest you challenge yourself to get better actors, a more experienced unit, and try to branch out a little bit. I think the core - desire and good ideas - is definitely there. Just don't take the easy way out, especially when casting.
    Keep shooting, and good luck.
    I'll echo penfever's comments here. There is a lot of potential here in terms of the story/concept but the actor's are way too young to pull this off. It's almost like they're "playing" office. It's just not realistic.

    You're based in the NYC, right? I've had great luck on Craigslist when casting actors. There definitely might not be the same actor to normal person ratio in NYC as there is in LA but there are definitelty a lot of good actors in the city willing to work for food.

    In terms of the VO, I didn't mind it. The majority of the shorts in this contest seem to use VO in one or another so I guess I'm used to it. With that said, I think VO can often be an "easy way out" structural device but your writing was sharp so it worked.

    Anyway, good job.

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    Senior Member JimtheJib's Avatar
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    thanks 4 the comments... i realized even before i submitted it that it had some mistakes... having said that one of my actors didn't show up and i was forced to stand in myself. keep em coming...
    Last edited by JimtheJib; 02-17-2006 at 11:09 AM.


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    Senior Member Shaun Patrick's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JimtheJib
    ... i realized even before i submitted it that it had some mistakes...
    There is no film in this fest that is perfect. Everyone made mistakes. I just wanted to stress to you that your film shows a lot promise.

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    Senior Member JimtheJib's Avatar
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    any other thoughts?


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    Mr. Hollywood Blaine's Avatar
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    Your concept was interesting but you would have been better served to write it around something that would have been more apropos to your actors' ages. It's nice that you aspired to something more, but it just kind of blew the illusion with actors so young portraying older "business" people. With that said, keep shooting and you will find your "groove."


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    Senior Member JimtheJib's Avatar
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    what did you think technically?


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    Mr. Hollywood Blaine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JimtheJib
    what did you think technically?
    Well, you could have used a little light on the face of your subject in the beginning. Because of the light coming in through the window behind him it's hard to see his face and get a read on him. I liked the shot of Gustav, through the crack in the cubicle. You had some good framing. ( The John character looks like an older, thinner version of the kid on Two and a Half Men) The whole tie thing had an opportunity to be interesting but his expression just didn't change that much. I don't wonder John's productivity has fallen, he spends all his time watching Gustav. It really is hard to suspend my disbelief, though. You have a lot of good shots and I think with the right cast you could have pulled this off.


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    Senior Member Kaz's Avatar
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    I thought this was pretty good. I agree with others that most of the actors were too young for their respective parts. Definitely needed more light in places but overall I enjoyed it.

    One thing that completely threw me for a loop:

    The boy that tells him he needs to make a decision on his future looks EXACTLY like Natalie Portman!
    Freaky...


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