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    #11
    Mr. Hollywood Blaine's Avatar
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    So he had insurance and she didn't? I liked the story line. It looked good. Solid entry. How hard was it to clean up the "blood" from the wood floor?


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    #12
    Senior Member smelni's Avatar
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    depends on what you mean by clean - the floor still had a red tint


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    #13
    Senior Member smelni's Avatar
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    not sure why - but not many people have commented on my film - if anyone wants to trade comments - let me know and Ill give your a careful look


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    #14
    Senior Member hienben's Avatar
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    Interesting story and well executed. I agree with the earlier comments that a little more explanation of the killer and the other guy would have helped. To establish more of an emotional bond between the couple would have been good, you started to do this when the insurance guy erases his memory but I felt some dialogue between the couple would have helped to build this up. Very good work considering you shot over such a short time.


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    #15
    Script Wrangler Norm Sanders's Avatar
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    Hey smelni, sorry for the delay ... you'd already commented on mine a couple days ago, and I JUST watched yours (going alphabetically).

    I liked it. Very impressed by some of the FX, and what looks like the use of squibs, etc. The acting was solid, I felt, but the story could have used more. I too was left with too many questions ... right now, there's simply an event we see ... a man was shot, he's healed, and we see his memory has been erased ... but no actual story that I can see.

    That said, you did get me to care enough to be disappointed the girl was forever lost ... which is a good thing. Nice job on the editing, camera work, lighting, etc.

    Keep it up, and look forward to the next one.
    Norm Sanders
    Director/Producer/Editor/Writer/Blah Blah Blah


    *click titles to view*
    "Meat Market" - Comedy - (Completed - DVD available)
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    #16
    Mr. Hollywood Blaine's Avatar
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    Upon a second viewing I got the feeling I was seeing a clip from a larger project. I think you've got enough of an idea to do a feature length story.

    Your "cleaner" had a Tom Waits vibe. His delivery was just a little stilted.

    I wished I could be more helpful with my comments but I'm really at a loss with this film. I'll watch it again later.


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    #17
    Senior Member EditPhish's Avatar
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    Smelni,

    One thing you could have done with the photo (because I agree, most men wouldn't have a picture of just themselves framed and on display) -- you could have made it a photo of him, his girlfriend and dog (for example)... then at the end it would just be him and his dog. Add another character, and it becomes more believable.

    Some of the acting was a bit fake... and some of the shots were framed and edited awkward... too slow moving. Girl falling (after shot) didn't work for me in slow motion. It felt like you held on certain shots just a bit too long, which threw the pacing off. Going back to the egg shot when the guy in black mentions that the guy shot has a purpose was really out of place for me (and looked like a repeated shot from the beginning).

    Others have already metioned continuity issues.

    Ultimately, the story also didn't tell me enough. I felt ambivalent about the characters because I didn't know more about them... didn't understand what "his purpose" was, or why it would even be important to erase his memory of the girl. The actual editing of the sequence when his mind is erased also could have been better/tighter... start with slower cuts move to faster cuts... the way it was felt draggy.

    Sorry for all the criticisms... I did think it had potential, and could have been much more interesting with really just some tweaking and attention to details. Thanks for sharing your film!


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    #18
    Senior Member smelni's Avatar
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    thanks for the comments - i cant argue with any of them.

    I knew that it would seem open ended and was kinda hoping i was telling enough to keep the interest - but i knew everyone would want more.

    as for repeated shots - yes there were a couple - i had to shoot this in one night and with all the practical special effect (squibs etc) it was nearly impossible so i had to edit around a whole bunch of issues - overall I did accomplish that but nothing comes without a cost.

    again - thanks for the comments very helpful


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    #19
    Senior Member JimtheJib's Avatar
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    i;d like to trade comments

    i really like this film. the only thing that bugged me was the couples acting. when they got shot it didn't capture my attention. they didn't show the pain enough (not that ive gotten shot but i suppose it hurts) also when the main actor on the floor was writhing in pain it became a little repetetive and not convincing enough

    i loved the sfx. there were well done and at the same time not over done. could you enlighten us on how you did the healing.

    i also dug the insurance actor. he had an ironic undertone which gave him a supernatural feel.

    i didn't mind not knowing why he had insurance or what interest the man with the hat had with this man. it added another dimension which kept me watching.

    nice job!!!


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    #20
    Senior Member TimothyJinx's Avatar
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    I liked this one pretty well. I agree the acting was not as good as it could be but it's tough to get quality actors sometimes.

    I didn't have a problem with not knowing why the couple was shot. Didn't the guy say something about random acts of violence? I think the couple just got murdered in a sensless act of violence but the supernatual character knew the guy was needed for something important in the future.

    I also didn't have a problem with the picture because I knew what you were trying to do. But after reading the comment about a guy not having a picture of himself I had to agree. The idea of using the dog in the picture was good.

    Overall I think a very good effort - especially within the time constraints you described.

    One thing I forgot to mention: it seems like this film along with many others here have the music really loud and the dialog very soft. Several times I have found myself turning my speakers down during intro credits, then turning the volume back up during dialog and then back down again during ending credits. Sorry to post this criticism in your thread since it applies to many of the films.
    Last edited by TimothyJinx; 02-20-2006 at 12:07 PM.


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