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    #21
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    I definitely agree that Jorge Noa deserves applause for his work here. The girl had a tough part to sell, because she spent a fair amount of time shocked or hysterical, and that can come off as over the top. The psychiatrist... I think my problem there was that he seemed almost *too* natural. I don't know whether to blame it on acting, writing, or editing, honestly, because it just seemed like the lines needed to be tighter, less laconic.

    Production wise, this was pretty air tight, good job. I had serious issues with the dialogue between the assassin and the girl in their warehouse face-off-- Some of it was repetetive, and a lot of it was cliche.

    I think overall it was a very professional job on a film-making level, and captured a narrative arc very well for such a short piece. I wasn't enthralled throughout, but I definitely admire a lot of the work done here.


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    #22
    Senior Member ExtremeSleuth's Avatar
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    the effects were pretty cool. the guy who was trying to kill the woman looks like lou diamond phillips to me for some reason. he seemed very real. something seemed off about the doctor though. can't put my finger on it. the "umm's" were a little distracting... personally i dont think that a lot of doctors say "umm" a lot... overall though the film was pretty cool.

    please don't take offense to the doctor comment... it was just constructive criticism.


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    #23
    Pain In The Ass 2.0 Ben Sliker's Avatar
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    alright Briceman, here it goes...

    music in the beginning, sounded more like a teen alt rock vid, it was good quality, but for me personally, it didn't fit as well as something else could have. I find that rock music (unless it is done REALLY well, or it's a movie about rock) tends to bring a viewer out of a film instead of engage them.

    The blood effect done really well. reminded me of some older stuff like the Crow where his hand heals in the center.

    the therapist lines we're a little overdone, it's hard for me to determine what exactly could help them out. It reminded me of lumberg from Office Space, yeah .... i would say try darker and more concern/confused about what is going on with this girl.

    I know we talked about this before, but the tone gaps really got to me, to bad that warehouse was a little noisy. But, if all else fails ... ADR!!!

    The mask for the scope was done really well, but there's a couple things that could make it better. First make the black spaces entirely black, like a real scope. Second, when you look through a scope, it's hard to keep focus at times. I would occasionally blur the edges of the circle so that it looks like someone is really looking through it.

    I think I've heard the line "It's too powerful for one person to possess" before, if possible, switch that to something else, for me, it was a cringer.

    You're timing on the edits was done rather well, and the story concept works well.


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    #24
    Steadi-Guru mikkowilson's Avatar
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    I really liked this peice.

    It was one of, if not the first one I watched. The opening scene was a little "teenageish" and it got me off on a cautios foot. but the moment the blod did it's thing i was "woah" and right into the thick of it. Good acting.

    The doctore was a strange character. His acting was poor, but you definatly cast the right guy. If that makes sence?
    He's lines did feel forced, but at the same time, he really felt like a phyciatric councellor. (though not so much a doctor). He fit the part, shame he didn't play it so well.

    Ove all a very good peice. Well made with strong leads and story. A little more improvement on some of the supporting work, both acting and "zing" (?) and it would be even better!

    Well worthy of all the hype!

    - Mikko
    Mikko Wilson
    Steadicam Owner / Operator - Juneau, Alaska, USA
    +1 (907) 321-8387 - mikkowilson@hotmail.com - www.mikkowilson.com


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    #25
    Senior Member CallaghanFilms's Avatar
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    Brice,

    If I had paid to see your film in the theatre, the last thing that I'd say to the box office attendant on the way out was, "that was a price too high."

    I would have said it was worth every penny in fact. Technically everything came together nicely. You had a solid premise and you executed it well. Your warehouse location was perfect. Congrats on getting Jorge Noa...the role fit him nicely. I feel he added almost an X Files feel to the short.

    I have hardly any complaints at all. The few casting changes that have been mentioned come to mind, as do a few minor script points:
    -In the exchange in the warehouse, the word "power" may have been overused.
    -and-
    -What's in the box that weighed enough to kill him yet light enough to be bumped off? (Jesus, I feel like Brad Pitt in Se7en -"...What's in the booox?...")

    Of course that's most likely just the overly anal writer coming out in me.

    Anyway overall I really enjoyed it.

    Good work, my man.


    For your daily Callaghanism...follow Cal on


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    #26
    Senior Member Daniel Skubal's Avatar
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    Hey man! As I've already discussed with you, I loved your film. I felt your acting was really great! Just to restate a few things from previous posts, the girl had a tough role to make realistic and believable. I think she did it fairly well.

    Your editing was very good, and I can't wait to see the full version you talked about because I think your editing will shine even more.

    The only criticism I had of this film was concerning the dialogue. As mikko said, the doctor was a bit forced... and although Jennifer and the sniper delivered their lines quite well, I think the dialogue could have been improved a bit. Try a read-through with the cast and listen to how natural it feels... if there's something off... well, change it :-p

    Overall, this is one of my favorites, and I can only assume that the full version is even better. Great work man!


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    #27
    Senior Member ProfD's Avatar
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    Everything was cool except the doctor. The female role was well done. nice.


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    #28
    Senior Member Slimothy's Avatar
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    Briceman. I couldn't really get into this one. I thought the Agent did very well, although I think he is the only one. I think all the acting aside from the agent was kinda wonkey. It just took me right out of it. The cinematography overall was kind of boring. Nothing really stood out. I agree w/ other people's comments on the story lacking, etc.

    Overall, I scored this one pretty low. Hopefully you don't take this is SUCH a negative post as I think this has some potential. Maybe later I can go through it and watch it closer, and give you better more precise feedback.
    Last edited by Slimothy; 02-16-2006 at 09:22 PM.



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    #29
    Senior Member penfever's Avatar
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    First off, the technical end (boo-ring). You did very well, it was competently shot and edited, you clearly know how to do your stuff.
    Now, the part I'm interested in - story and acting. Your story was one of the most coherent and solid - scratch that - the most coherent and solid I've seen so far. Beginning, middle, end, good-guys, bad-guys. I really appreciate this effort. So many people on this forum think pretty pictures = great film. It's just not so. You have it where it counts.
    That said, you MUST speed this film up. 2 minutes could easily have been shaved off. There is too much space between every line. That's time the viewer's using to question your actors, lighting, etc. Don't give it to them. THe little buggers don't deserve it.
    As far as actors go, your female lead was fascinating, especially in profile - her hair was perfect for the role. Her acting -mmmh - she needs to grow up a little bit, and I know she was playing a young role, but to carry a lead you need a certain - weight in front of the camera. She just didn't have it.
    The psychiatrist was D-R-A-G-G-I-N-G every line. I wanted to shake him and say, JUST READ YOUR TWO LINES PLEASE!
    Your agent seemed to be an experienced and competent actor, but I didn't get a strong physical presence which his role seemed to demand. He was a heavy. Heavies should take up space. That wasn't there so much.
    I liked this film a lot. I hope to see more like it. Keep on filming!
    Red 143 - Viva Jannard!
    ----------------
    http://www.atavisionfilms.com/


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    #30
    Senior Member Daniel Skubal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by penfever
    competent actor, but I didn't get a strong physical presence which his role seemed to demand. He was a heavy. Heavies should take up space. That wasn't there so much.
    I liked this film a lot. I hope to see more like it. Keep on filming!
    Can you explain that a bit more? I've never heard of that. What other types of screen presence are there? Seems interesting.


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