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    #11
    Senior Member Curugon's Avatar
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    This is easily one of my favorites!

    I liked the slickness, it was a really cool breath of fresh air. Locations, cinematography, FX, gore, it was all terrific! When looking forward to this contest, I was excited to see some really low-budget exploitation (which we've got) and high-gloss professionalism - and that's right here!!

    I wholeheartedly agree with the comments about the edit. It took way to long to get to the "good stuff" - I understand you were going for tension, but unfortunately tension wasn't being built because nothing was really happening. One more edit session, and an audio sweetening pass, and this would be perfection. Kudos.



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    #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by NBCshooter
    After seeing a few of your films already, I don't think I even deserve my own thread. Great work, all of you!
    You should go to Yuk Yuk's. That's damn hilarious. Hate to edify you, but your short was fantastic. Technically I don't think there was another film that eclipsed it. Within 5 minutes, you built the design for the rest of a hypothetical movie (I saw this as an opening scene). Acting was great across the board. You have a real find in that security guard...he is just so damn watchable. He reminds of the "likeability" of a Danny Glover.

    Although your script was conventional, your directing and cine design built enough drama and suspension to make it suspenseful. I especially liked your pacing/editing. You didn't resort to the herky jerky, flash, speed bump, mtv style, to demand attention. You have a sure hand, and know when it's applicable.

    I only have two minor quibbles. First, I would have liked the security guard to be the heroSee...I told you I thought he was the star. Second, I didn't think the opening of the elevator worked completely. I think any guard who sees that kind of carnage, would either a) back up, b)yell a command, or c) shoot out of nervous self-preservation. Just a thought.

    It was a pleasure watching your short. A couple questions, what kind of lighting package in the underground garage? I liked the blue highlights quite a bit. Also, did you make any adjustments, to lighting an African-American? Any tips?

    Thanx. Job well done

    Cheers.


    PS - Edit. I liked the slow build with the guard, and if he was the hero, it would have been more pertinent. Either way, i think the editing is fine. It gives you time to sink into the world at hand, but that's just my opinion. Jumping right into action is today's flavour of the day, so maybe that accounts for it.

    Double Cheers


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    #13
    Retired Moderator J.R. Hudson's Avatar
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    nbc sHOOTER

    First of all; congrats on a really nice short. Definatley one of the best in the bunch IMO. As mentioned, technically looking it is very solid. I know you flip flopped on actually doing a short so its good to see the final outcome and it was worth it.

    I generally agree with Disjectas take on it. Super nice looking, very professional looking but some things left me out of the loop; the Security Guard as mentioned is just TOO MUCH of nothing, the Assualt does not pay off and is very staged which is too bad considering how wonderfully this piece is. I found it probaly a lil' longer than needed but enjoyed the payoff. The ECU on the eyes was nice. Well done.

    I am torn on the complete silence. I think a score would have served this piece well. If this review comes off as a too critical its only because I enjoyed it so much. I knew from the opening shots that I was in for a treat with someone who knows how to make a film.

    Your titles are wonderful; why do mine appear pixealted and yours so clean? I love the rainy night feel. It sets a nice mood.

    The gloves scene is gorgeous. However the actual "Oops I cut myself' was not as apparent as should be.

    I think some ambient audio suonds would have been nice; honks and cars in garage, perhaps paging a doctor inside as nurse enters elevator, "Paging Doctor Melbourne"..... also in the end it would have been cool to hear maybe a police or ambulance radio as they are wheeling her away in the gurney...

    Also, sitting on the GUARD seemed tedious. Perhaps if he was 'DOING HIS ROUNDS' it would have worked better for me.

    The screaming of the girl was heard from the guard WAY THE HELL OVER THERE? The blood splatter was EPIC. Super well done. I also loved the Bay shot (Is that one of those dollies we've seen lately?) swing around on the gun......

    Overall; I rated your short very high and will not be surprised if it does win something. I think with some refining and better planning this could have been a surefire winner.

    Also, considering you wrote and performed the music I wonder why there wasnt more to add to the piece? I loved the end music and titles! (Again, any tips on titles? )

    Nevertheless; well deon and I look forward to more work from you Ralph!!


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    #14
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    NBC!

    You really suprised me! After reading all the troubles you were having in past threads I was worried about your project not coming to fruition. But jeeze this didn't look like something that was struggling to be completed. It's very clean and streamlined and had a really steady hand to its creation. I enjoyed the subtle camera movements, the color, and the immaculate quality of the footage itself. I agree with the security guard not amounting to much and I wasn't a fan of the elevator attack is seemed a bit awkward, almost taking away from what was being built up prior. but I did appreciate that it was a fairly self contained thought which could still be applied as an opening scene to something bigger as well. Your film made me inquire more into you and I went to your site and watched the clips you have on there and I really enjoy the colors in your work.
    Later DayZ


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    #15
    DVXuser Ninja BLUESPIDER's Avatar
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    Sorry, I can't find the link to this one for some reason.


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    #16
    Moderator Jeremy Ordan's Avatar
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    NBC... First of all my biggest critism is that after months of hearing you whine about this project and how bad it was you turn in what I consider to be the most stimulating entry. Personally I disagree with the comments about the security guard, it built a bit of suspense for me, and then to have him killed off, I like that. Your steadycam work was great, and now I really want to get one and learn how to use it. I have watched this film more than any others, just trying to figure out how you did certain things, but at the end of the day I am very impressed. I like the reverse birds eye at the end with the lights. Works really well. Your editing is also top notch. The biggest critism is the hitting the gun out of the way. That just looked cheesy, but that is more of a comment on the actor, not the film itself. By far one of my favorites and very inspirational.
    Before you ask use the DVXUser Search function


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    #17
    Member pywl's Avatar
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    NBC, I agree with Disjecta and John on the security guard. The shots were great but there was just too many of them and most of them coming from the same angle only closer. I really liked your short though defiantly one of the top contenders.


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    #18
    Senior Member ZombieSquid's Avatar
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    NICE! I gotta say it looked spectacular. When I saw it, I said to my friend "THAT'S what I've been trying to do!" The aforementioned part with the gun did come off as a little stiff, but the rest of it was nice and tight. It did seem a little dragged out, but it looked so good that I really didn't care, I was just enjoying how polished it was! Hats off to you. Keep up making the rest of us look bad!


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    #19
    Senior Member Niebs's Avatar
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    nbc, the look of your short was extremely sweet. i do agree with some of the others about all the shots of the security guard, and the music seemed to enter abrasively at spots. the last shot of the girl's eye was really cool and the blood spatter was awesome! that security guard has really good hearing, nice work.


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    #20
    Senior Member Hectorxd's Avatar
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    Hey
    I would echo some of these comments. It looked like the elevator was at the end of the parking deck but it was really about a mile away.. I liked the swing around shot of the gun. Like others said, the titles looked really nice and clean. I also get pixelation problems with titles. I didnt get it the first time as well. The elevator scene was wierd because I thought he was trying to undress her at first.. It felt like it was part of something bigger
    Brian


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