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    #11
    Senior Member taubkin's Avatar
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    I'm sorry I have to chime in here and in a bad way.

    I don't like the editing in this one, nothing. If you think editing is visual effects and doing clever jumpcuts, sure this film is flashy. If you actually consider editing, there are so many strange choices in this that is almost absurd.

    Now let me first state the good part: The story had some really interesting and creative points, I was digging it, and the style is very cool. I am frustrated because I feel this could be a sure winner if it were played right.

    For instance, a guy tries to take advantage of a girl. She is of course pissed off, to the point she takes a gun to kill him. There is less than a second between the time she realizes she's being taken advatage of and the time she picks up a gun to shoot the offender. No time for character development or whatever. And that had everything to be a REALLY cool scene! That to me is really bad editing.

    Then there is a time where the film cools down, when she build a relationship with a friend, right before she kills her zombie friends. Then they both die. Honestly the whole pacing of the story felt off. And I don't care if you do this with cool effects, or flashy cutting, it's still bad editing.

    The ending is impossible to understand, really impossible. So it's a scripture that is turning everybody into zombies? So what? nobody can introduce such a critical element in the last 10 seconds of a movie and expect the audience to be convinced.

    Now, I hope I'm not being too aggressive, but my point is that there is a LOT of good stuff in this, really an unusual lot, but the movie falls short because it has such a weird script.

    I hope you can cut a second version of it, (I don't know, 15min? 20 min?) and make an awesome film out of it. Because that is what the material deserves.

    Congratulations on what you accomplished in terms of style, and ideas, I love the party concept, the girl seeing the videotape of her rape, the zombies attacking, the flashy editing and all...

    Cheers!


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    #12
    Senior Member Hectorxd's Avatar
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    Hey
    Yes I thought similar things. I really liked the editing though in this one and the look of it. I was puzzled by the immediate pulling out of the gun though... Maybe she has constant murderous rage and only needs a little something to set it off though. The ending was wierd as others have mentioned..
    Brian


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    #13
    Senior Member John C Lyons's Avatar
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    Hiro, you're making great progress! Much more serious and professional than Scriptless in story and your shot selection was better too. I was a sucker for your dream sequence in "Scriptless" but there is much more to like here overall.

    It seems to me you took the extra (necessary!) time during filming that I feel a LOT of the other filmmakers didn't take to get a nice variety of shots to bring into the computer with you. It makes the work a fuller experience for me - I'm not a fan of a camera setup in the corner of a room at one angle for 20-30 long seconds.

    This is one of the only entries I have seen thusfar that I feel any kind of emotion for the main character. When she shoots her friends, all that stuff, good stuff. And the girls together freaking out, I totally dug, really nice.

    Yeah it’s a partial or hurry-up story there at the end, and people are gonna rag you for that, but I can appreciate it because you have more going for it here than "people are in _____, zombies appear, people shoot zombies, roll credits." The rape puts a new secondary story into the mix, so it stands out for me. Based on the title I assumed as much about the paper the hat wearing dood was holding at the end, so I wasn't so burnt and lost as others are. Sure it could have ended when she shoots her friends, but this entry has more going for it then most of the others that are really are empty to me.

    Your lead is way too eager to grab the gun though, if you need to shoot some extra material building to that, please do so for your Director's. Also for some reason the actor who was your lead male in Scriptles bugged me in this one. The wider shots of him and the girl and others looking at the camera on the bed, his reactions weren't convincing. Maybe you have other tighter shots to use there?

    You are in my top 3 at this point. Wish you the best.
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    #14
    Senior Member Curugon's Avatar
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    Considering date rape is such a serious subject, I thought you handled the opening well and gave the film a very powerful spin. It certainly made you want the zombies to nail those guys!

    Overall, style has a slight edge over substance in this film, but it's helped by some great performances (esp by the girl, is that your gf?) and emotional moments, like the executions. Love the look - the forest is moody and atmospheric.

    I figured out that the "scripture" had something to do with the undead, but would have liked to been told more about it (who wrote it? why do they want to spread a curse?).

    Highly engaging, kudos bro.



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    #15
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    Hey Hiro,
    not sold on this one which surprised me. As Curugon said "substance over style" is actually a problem here as the story was still incomprehensible to me after watching it twice.
    Love your "look" and "treatment" in some scenes, and some clever cuts and fx.
    Insert your signature here >.... if you like ;-)


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    #16
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    OK... I want to give it to you straight, because I want everyone to give it to me straight. Before I begin, yes... you are farther along than I making films... but watching not as a filmmaker, but a person who enjoys a movies....

    ...This was sensory overload.

    I watched it twice... I mean... You HAVE to watch it twice. Because the first time I was like, "huh?" And my eyes hurt.

    I was ready for it the second time, bracing myself for the onslaught of images... I picked up on a few more things... but I still didn't connect ALL the dots. I'm not alone. Each person saw a piece of this or that.. but not the whole.

    Bottomline: That means you've failed as a storyteller/filmmaker. There I said it... and now you hate me... sorry. I only want to help. Let me explain myself.

    A good story trumps cool images and fast editing EVERY time. Substance over style. I suspect if a crowd of regular people went to the cinema and saw 90 minutes of that pace with a story just as jumpy... Most would say, "That sucked!"

    It unfair, but some of the most beautiful films are torn apart or don't get watched because the majority of people want follow along the story. And if they can't... Most don't watch 2, 3, or more times to "get it".

    I'm sure the 5 minute guidelines affected this story. Then you picked the wrong story. Find a simpler story and next time, you'll be in the running to win... I think you are that good.

    PS... I think I remember the "Lucid" trailer... it had the girl walking all freaky, moving like she was on a dolly, and those horrible teeth at the end? I thought it was great.
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    #17
    Senior Member Ramon Boutviseth's Avatar
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    thx guys for giving it to me straight... i like taking things straight.. like jack daniels lol. anyways, i really appreciate the honesty. Its pretty evident that my story is confusing so what Im gonna do is work on the extend version. This movie wasn't made for a 5 minute time limit. i'll keep your comments in mind while im editing.... gotta keep lookin up.. gotta keep chuggin... thx again.


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    #18
    Senior Member CallaghanFilms's Avatar
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    I adored the lightening-quick editing...as a matter of fact, probably among the best of the best in editing. You succeeded in creating a "pro" look.

    My favorite aspect, however, was the incredible character development/arch...especially for only having five minutes. My man, you know how to utilize time very well.


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    #19
    Resident Agitator TC's Avatar
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    You've got a great style going on there, but, the more I watch it (which has been alot) the more I realize the style over substance.

    I don't need to tell you that the cinematography was amazing, because enough already have. I liked the quick edits... I basically lover everything visual about this film.

    The intro had me COMPELLED, I mean UTTERLY FLOORED. That was my favorite 30 seconds of any short in this contest... but, then it lost it...

    I'm with taubkin, it's aggrivating, because it was SO DAMN MONEY, and then it just went into this huge all out shoot out thing, and there could have been so much more.

    Your actors were phenominal, sans the "day after" scene where they're watching the video. It just wasn't working for me.

    ... and I've said this in a lot of my critiques, and I'll say it again. Not everyone has a loaded gun just sitting around, ready at a moments notice. And not everyone can just fire away and hit a fast moving target.

    You've got a lot of talent, and I can't wait to see the extended cut... and all your future projects.

    ALSO: One quick thing, if the paper is what turned the people evil, then why did she shoot the guy who was bitten?

    Overall: Enjoyed the hell out of the visuals (it was like an eye-gasm,) but the story failed to complement the beauty.


    Yellow #001


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    #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by taubkin
    I'm sorry I have to chime in here and in a bad way.

    I don't like the editing in this one, nothing. If you think editing is visual effects and doing clever jumpcuts, sure this film is flashy. If you actually consider editing, there are so many strange choices in this that is almost absurd.

    For instance, a guy tries to take advantage of a girl. She is of course pissed off, to the point she takes a gun to kill him. There is less than a second between the time she realizes she's being taken advatage of and the time she picks up a gun to shoot the offender. No time for character development or whatever. And that had everything to be a REALLY cool scene! That to me is really bad editing.

    Then there is a time where the film cools down, when she build a relationship with a friend, right before she kills her zombie friends. Then they both die. Honestly the whole pacing of the story felt off. And I don't care if you do this with cool effects, or flashy cutting, it's still bad editing.
    taubkin,

    i was wondering about you said above. you criticize the editing, but isn't it more a story/script issue you addressing? wouldn't the character development be in the writing? I mean it could be elaborated on and presented in an innovative way in the editing, but if it was never in the script I don't think it can be done.

    I realize you were critical of the story as well. I'm just trying to understand if you think your comments about character development and the such could be resolved with a new cut of what hiro already has.


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