Thread: The Visitation

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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Tucson, AZ
    Damn, I think I fell a sleep during the opening credits. As a short you generally have 1-2 minutes to grab your audience, don't spend that time on credits. To be completely honest, I kinda just stopped watching before the credits were over and moved on. I did come back to it. For some reason I put the wrong review on this initially.

    Okay, you start a short with a long intro and a radio reveal, not off on the right foot. Why is this guy sleeping in his living room? Oh the plot propels with another radio reveal. Okay, the running dreams and the nightmares in the living room gave me a more comic vibe than creepy. What was the point of the college scene? The acting was, ugh, well just okay. I did love the shadow dude stepping out from the other shadow dude. Overall a good effort, keep at it.
    Last edited by Chris_Keaton; 11-09-2013 at 09:04 AM.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)

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    Still Alive Mod Jack Daniel Stanley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    North Hollywood
    Lots of great angles.
    Particularly like the shot where he wakes up at 3:26 in terms of the lighting and the art direction. Interesting choice to have him play it right into the camera.

    The campus conversation - just technical - get some traffic running under that whole scene - the audio cuts are bad / too obvious. Add consistent traffic throughout rather than try to gate their audio so much or in addition to gating their audio.

    In general the unitard suit guy doesn’t work for me.

    I do however like the low angle series of medium, medium close, closeup shots in the bedroom. Creepy in a very nice eighties Video Drome sort of way.

    Except maybe for the shots described above - the black shapes work best when they’re just shapes. When we can see the costumes - they don’t work for me because what are they? Beings from another dimension in spandex? If they’re formless black - cool. If I see a hood and seams - I see a guy in stuff bought at a dance store.


    I’m not sure I got the connection with the storms and the unitard suit people but thats OK it made sense on a basic level - what these things were doing.
    Nice creepy vibe overall and great reveal when the second one steps out in the final bedroom scene!

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