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    #11
    Senior Member Shawn Philip Nelson's Avatar
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    Wow! Really great work all around, incredible improvements across the board. I really enjoyed watching this. Arlene killed it!
    Formerly user 'shawneous'.

    "Every great idea is on the verge of being stupid."
    -Michel Gondry


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    #12
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    Thanks for that. As you know, this was my first short film, and a huge learning experience. We definitely plan on making more in the future!


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    #13
    Senior Member Hawk Teflon's Avatar
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    SPOILERS! IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THIS SHORT YET, PLEASE DON'T CONTINUE READING.

    What I liked: I just read that this is your debut for a short film, so I gotta say that this is a great way to start. Keep at it. I think the pacing of the entire short was rather well done (though I might cut a little of the beginning with the driving out). Your audio was pretty solid as well. Kudos on that. Sadly, that's the last thing people care about, but is just as important if not MORE important than the visual.

    What I didn't like as much: The scenes felt a little flat to me. I would work on lighting a little bit (I know, this is coming from someone who didn't use a single light in his short. Pot calling the Kettle black, right?). But there wasn't much depth between the characters (primarily your lead actress) and the environment. Even if you use just a small light to create just a little bit on the shoulders or profiles it'll really add a lot. Toward the end we hear sirens approaching, but the lights flashing on the doorjamb stay continuous as though it's already there. They don't fade into the shot as though a police car is approaching.

    I think it's a great first entry. Keep at it.


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    #14
    Senior Member NICK ASH's Avatar
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    Overall I thought this was a great film. The tension and creep factor was great, a factor that I need to work on.


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    #15
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    Can you elaborate a little bit by what you mean on creating depth between the characters and their environment? We had to use shop lights and china balls since we didn't have access to any actual film lights, so that might be why the lighting doesn't appear as crisp as it should. I agree with you about the police lights, but it was the best we could do with our stand in YouTube video of flashing police lights on a laptop monitor. Pretty ghetto, but it worked for the most part. Obviously actual police lights would have been much better.


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    #16
    Senior Member Shawn Philip Nelson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jared Brownlow View Post
    Can you elaborate a little bit by what you mean on creating depth between the characters and their environment? We had to use shop lights and china balls since we didn't have access to any actual film lights, so that might be why the lighting doesn't appear as crisp as it should. I agree with you about the police lights, but it was the best we could do with our stand in YouTube video of flashing police lights on a laptop monitor. Pretty ghetto, but it worked for the most part. Obviously actual police lights would have been much better.
    The effect actually worked surprisingly well, it's that the SOUND is of a car approaching, while the lights are obviously far off. You could have physically moved the laptop in, or just had the lights there, etc. It was the disparity.
    Formerly user 'shawneous'.

    "Every great idea is on the verge of being stupid."
    -Michel Gondry


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    #17
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    A very nice debut short, solid performances and use of tension. This was one of the only entry's that had a moment which actually made me jump, well done.
    I felt as though it would be nice to know what the cause of her insanity was, just felt like she is suddenly insane and killed her family. That's a minor critique. Keep at it, very nice for a first short.


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    #18
    More Cowbell Pictures Michael Anthony Horrigan's Avatar
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    The lead was great. Her performance was one of the best in the festival, hands down.
    Loved the story. Sure, once I saw the quick flashback when she first picked up the knife, I knew exactly where we were headed. But that didn't matter. Her acting towards the end really sold it for me.

    The camera work/movement was great, even though the image seemed a tad flat. Muted.
    Sound could have used a bit more punch. The editing was great. Spot on pacing.

    Very good entry.

    Well done.


    MONSTERFEST : 4th Place - Sustained Excellence Award - WESTFEST: 3rd Place - THRILLFEST: 3rd Place


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    #19
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    I like her car, lol. Okay this is a tried but true story, unfortunately we figure it out way to soon. If you have a twist it needs to be ultimately revealed soon after the audience figures it out. Otherwise it was a solid short. Nice job!
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #20
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    That knife scene seems to have had some mixed reactions. Some liked it being there, some didn't. We had another important shot that we wanted to take on that bit that probably would have made it fit better, but ran out of time to shoot it. C'est la vie, every movie is a learning experience. I appreciate your praise as well as your criticisms. Oh and Michael Horrigan, I passed on your kind words to the actress!


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