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    #61
    Senior Member NICK ASH's Avatar
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    Oh dang, I missed that part. Either way, great film and I really enjoyed it. Thanks for posting!


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    #62
    Senior Member Lynchenstein's Avatar
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    No matter the gear, talent will always shine through. Thanks!
    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.



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    #63
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    Nice entry AJ, good acting, beautiful to look at, overall a very polished piece. I did however get a little lost with the story at the end and would love to know what the guy bit/where the blood came from.
    I thought your actors did well, and enjoyed the table exchange, but I couldn't help but feel as though the shot would cut to them on the beginning of the dialogue line. So to me the cutting at that scene felt very noticeably hard cuts back and forth. It felt as though some J and L cuts might just soften it up a bit.
    I couldn't for the life of me think of the 'Two Wolves' story, but as soon as the women mentioned it in the film I instantly knew what it was and thought it was a perfect metaphor for the context of the film.
    Overall another solid entry, but I didn't expect any less from you AJ ;)


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    #64
    Senior Member AJ Brooks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matthew B View Post
    I did however get a little lost with the story at the end and would love to know what the guy bit/where the blood came from.
    Thanks for the notes Matthew.

    It's subtle and you won't see it on a dark monitor, but you'll see it in the foreground if you go back and watch that CU shot where he turns around and grins at her.


    AJ Brooks - Writer / Director


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    #65
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    Quote Originally Posted by AJ Brooks View Post
    Thanks for the notes Matthew.

    It's subtle and you won't see it on a dark monitor, but you'll see it in the foreground if you go back and watch that CU shot where he turns around and grins at her.
    Now I'll have to go back and watch it again.


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    #66
    Senior Member AJ Brooks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Matthew B View Post
    Now I'll have to go back and watch it again.
    No! It's a trap!


    AJ Brooks - Writer / Director


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    #67
    Senior Member alex whitmer's Avatar
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    Really great film. Lot to like, from the delish back lighting, location, use of elements. Acting/directing has big-screen quality.

    Truly love the exterior shot of the barn (dusk or dawn, hard to tell, but sweet).

    a


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    #68
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    The acting was good and that is what kept this from being a bore. Even in one room pieces something needs to happen visually, but we got talking and some talking in a different place. And through all that talking there was still some mystery as what the heck really happened and who the chick was. I'm guessing with more time to give us where we were what was happening and the stakes for each character this could've been better. Otherwise it was a good looking, well acted, professional short. I can't wait to see what you can do with more time and a bigger budget and my script. ;)
    Last edited by Chris_Keaton; 11-09-2013 at 07:39 AM.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #69
    Still Alive Mod Jack Daniel Stanley's Avatar
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    Fantastic Job AJ!
    Ryan you friggin' killed it!

    Great opening image. Sound, everything all working here.

    Love the warm flame with the cool window lights.

    Once they sit at the table , lighting in his shot doesn’t quiet match the wider shot or her shot I don’t think, and I like the wider shot and her shot. Better. Maybe a vignette on his shot to tone down the toplight?

    Your dialogue is interesting. Slightly heightened (in a good way) and zippy. This is picking nits so I hesitate to mention but your while your actors are quite good maybe they aren’t always up to the level of banter you challenge them with at the table - making it zippy, clever, high stakes and completely behavioral / real at the same time. Quite a challenge. They’re still very good - just not nailing it totally or what I think you were going for there. This is a very tiny nit.
    Once they get to the window - the acting and dialogue gel for me and it's all good.

    Love when you cut to what would be the two shot at the end of the window scene and she’s just gone. Great looking shot and great story-forward.

    Crap that super wide shot in the barn for “Where is the body?!” is great!
    Love it. The scale of the set. The levels of depth and light. The hanging sheer fabric. The warmer window light the cooler reflection. The shadows on the floor, the multi colored wood slats - great!


    In general both actors look great on camera / like “real actors”. She’s particularly engaging. Something about her hipster-tomboy-good looks and straightforward delivery. He really starts cooking once they get into the barn.

    Not nuts about his ECU at 6:10. I think because we’re still figuring out exactly what’s going on (maybe we kinda know but aren’t sure how we’re supposed to feel about it yet or him, but that intimate and close a shot is a bit jarring. Not ready to be so up his nose yet emotionally and also in terms of your shot vocabulary leading up to it, it’s a but jarring. Maybe it’s the cut / edit too- the cut is weird in terms of where he is physically in the shot just preceding and then in the ECU.

    Love the cutting / jump cutting of her over his shoulder though. Plays thematically well with the two wolves idea - devil on one shoulder angel on another - while somehow not being too on the nose at all.

    Another amazing shot at 7:07 when he places the gas lamp on the foreground table in the barn! Depth via varying color temps, varying levels of light, deep set, with just the right things accented.


    I feel dumb but I don’t get the ending even though I rewatched several times….






    SPOILERS

    Regarding the end :

    I can tell he’s cutting or biting something off himself I think.
    He turns and is grins and his mouth is covered with blood.
    He holds up bloody fingers (I think) in the foreground but its too dark and they’re out of focus.
    Did he eat his fingers? Did he win by “feeding” himself? Though for some reason I don’t think that could be it .
    And if he did cut off or eat his fingers - I still don't get it. What am I missing?
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    #70
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    He bit his fingerprints off, was my guess, but I couldn't see either. But I'm good at guessing.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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