Saturnalia
A struggling business man takes his wife to a unique party in the hopes of improving his returns.
http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/attachment...8&d=1355609422
Results 1 to 10 of 11
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12-08-2012 08:40 AM
Last edited by Chris_Keaton; 12-15-2012 at 08:25 PM.
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- Join Date
- Aug 2012
- Location
- Jersey, Channel Islands
- Posts
- 66
12-08-2012 10:53 AM
I have no idea what your script will be but...I love the title. Very interesting.
looking forward to this one.
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12-08-2012 12:57 PM
I've got the first page done. Making good time.
I think it might be a porno, not sure yet. ;)
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12-08-2012 07:50 PM
I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description 'hard-core pornography' and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it, and the motion picture involved in this case is not that.
—Justice Potter Stewart
Reverse logic dictates that if you're unsure then you don't know it; and if you don't know it, it ain't.
On the other hand if you plan to write six pages but find it's all over in two, it might be...
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- Join Date
- Aug 2012
- Location
- Jersey, Channel Islands
- Posts
- 66
12-09-2012 03:18 AM
i vote porno. But can you include the line that, "Santa only comes once a year" and still be a proper porno? The great question of our age.
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12-14-2012 02:22 AM
I wonder if Chis will really go by the mantra of When In Rome. I can kind of imagine a Roman orgy...I was thinking about it too, but I drew blanks on what/how to write it so I brainstormed and started to write something else.
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- Join Date
- Aug 2012
- Location
- Jersey, Channel Islands
- Posts
- 66
12-16-2012 09:47 AM
Spoilers
i looked up the title after this as I assumed it meant something. I suppose had I known it would have given a part if he story away which is always a risk. Don't recall much Christmas reference but maybe the party alone is adequate.
story wise I could see your porno potential and I did wonder where it was going. At the end I wasn't sure whether it was a good twist, as i wasnt expecting it, or too much out of the blue. No foreshadowing. Indeed, there seemed to be little connection between signing up to a swingers party and turning around the fortunes of his business. However, these are not difficult to fix.
suggestions?
Foreshadow his interest In the occult/rituals/ superstition
link her acceptance to making him feel better, rather than turn the business around
Possibly he's given something in return afterwards - a reward, or just as he thinks his luck will change...
....they do him as well. The irony....but also the partner is then given something. Sold them out.
Just thoughts
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12-16-2012 10:03 AM
You got my review. I'd will say, this was my kinda Holiday party.
When's the next one? I have someone I like to invite....SCRIPTFEST VII TOP 3 | THE MELT | WEBSITE | IMDB | EMAIL
Wordsmith & Graphic Designer. Will work for credit, coffee and money.
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12-18-2012 11:16 PM
Hey Chris,
That was an interesting story.
He sacrifices his wife.
I thought he didn't want to but he did. And the wife sounds too eager to participate in the fun - sounds like you want us to cheer when she dies. Or maybe that's why he wants her dead?
I didn't understand that part - I want to know if he did it for business or if he wanted her dead. And if he wanted her dead I want to know why - you kind of gave a little glimpse so I'm thinking it must be the second.
This Holiday fest is way to gory for me
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12-19-2012 09:07 PM
She was sacrificed to better his business, but the sacrifice had to be a willing participant.