Thread: Gathering Souls

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    Gathering Souls
    #1
    Senior Member KhamIsk's Avatar
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    A desperate man is pushed to sell his soul to the Devil


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    #2
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    Hi kamisk,

    I can't lecture anybody, and I mean anybody, on loglines but this feels to me that it needs the next part, what ever that is ie the irony eh ...sells his soul to the devil, but is surprised at the price offered. Ok - rubbish, but you get the idea.

    However, ever since seeing the seventh seal and with one of my favourite pieces of music being the Danse Macabre, I love devil/death stories - lots of potential, self discovery and mystery.

    Looking forward to reading this.

    Cheers


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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    I see you liked my title so much you used it. ;)
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    Member dtroop506's Avatar
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    Dear Kham,

    This sounds very scary. But how did you ever get the rights to Chris Keaton's life story?



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    #5
    Senior Member KhamIsk's Avatar
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    Hehe, David. I used a lot of "his" in my story - I'm a grabber!

    Bill, thanks, I'll have to think about my logline, I know. I wish my script is better than that - I always like when the script is better than a logline. It's like unwrapping a candy you don't want to eat and suddenly discovering it's dark chocolate with hazelnuts instead of a fruity caramel.

    And I know the theme calls for games. I started with a "bet" but didn't go that route. Posting it anyway.


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    Senior Member KhamIsk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KhamIsk View Post

    And I know the theme calls for games. I started with a "bet" but didn't go that route. Posting it anyway.
    Okay, I fixed it - it was bothering me - requirements are requirements and we must comply I guess. So it's about a game now!


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    Senior Member Egg Born Son's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KhamIsk View Post
    I always like when the script is better than a logline. It's like unwrapping a candy you don't want to eat and suddenly discovering it's dark chocolate with hazelnuts instead of a fruity caramel.
    I like it


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    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    Desperation and the Devil is always a good mix. I have to say your posts about the script first being about a bet and now changing to a game have me even more interested to see how it turns out.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    Senior Member KhamIsk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Russell Moore View Post
    I have to say your posts about the script first being about a bet and now changing to a game have me even more interested to see how it turns out.
    Oh, the pressure!


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    Senior Member Egg Born Son's Avatar
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    I enjoyed this. I can't quite put my finger on what it was but I found it refreshing. I was reading it thinking I should be finding this corny but it isn't (even before all became clear). Maybe I'm tired, I've been reading and reviewing for almost seven hours straight now. Tried going to bed but couldn't sleep for thinking about these stories so I got up again.

    I particularly liked the way you both embraced and subverted the conventions of the 'deal with the devil' plot. The twist was satisfying and it got me. It was clever how his punishment for asking a question still fit with his wording of what he wanted. The notion that the devil has a need to be believed in as much as God was a pretty cool subtext as well.

    Definitely horror, affordable and limited location - both available to anyone. I had more comments, criticisms and logical flaws of the story but they were pretty much all dispelled by the twist (told you that you got me with that). I'm too tired to do you justice if I have another go at it tonight so I'll read it again tomorrow and see if I've got anything more for you. Doubt I'll find more than a spelling/grammar mistake or two. Story pretty solid.


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