Thread: Surgeon's Game

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    Surgeon's Game
    #1
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    Logline: A promising surgeon's life is permanently altered after he is invited to an exclusive game played by hospital staff.

    I recently had surgery for the first time and I'm exorcising some anxiety demons with this script. I hope you enjoy. It's 19 pages. I couldn't resist the extra room in this fest. Let's hope I used it well.

    I also reviewed Alex's thread about filmability. I think I fall into the "filmable" category ... or I can at least argue my point.

    Looking forward to all the entries!
    Chris Johnson


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    #2
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    I think I have an inkling on what this game is.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #3
    Senior Member Egg Born Son's Avatar
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    Hospital based horror, nice. Think you've got your blood covered!


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    #4
    Member dtroop506's Avatar
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    Could be very bloody. Lots of sharp objects!


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    #5
    Senior Member KhamIsk's Avatar
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    Yes - you can never trust your surgeon. Think what makes them become one. Can't wait to read it.


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    #6
    Senior Member Bill Clar's Avatar
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    Hospital horror always wigs me out cuz it could really happen!!
    So, you hate your job? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYONE. We meet at the bar at 5:00.


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    #7
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    Chris, glad to see you got a script in....19 pages? Nice...looking forward to reading it.

    I'm digging the logline...makes me wonder how he is altered...it could go in a lot of different directions.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    #8
    Senior Member Egg Born Son's Avatar
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    Hope you get it in, want to read this one for sure


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    #9
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    Time for this one. An interesting idea, lest see how its handled...

    p2 Nurse Kali - intentional on the name?
    p3 i get this feeling he has been told about the game but i missed it, wasnt clear. one to clarify.
    up to P7 slick, dynamic, fast paced - v good work. if any doubt it is underlying motivation. sex seems to be a driver, maybe a little more foreshadowing on this aspect would add weight.
    p8-9 quality scene
    like the way there is a sense of addition to his driver.

    Excellent work.

    Inevitably the motivations of the others comes into play and we wonder why J does what he does, what he gets, etc but in the suspension of disbelief i think have enough.

    one suggestion would be to make J the commander, but actually there is a council of peers who look down, watch the game. J does what he does to impress and earn elevation, the council sits in authority because they earned their stripes - their role is to monitor those who could be worthy. Maybe they fool themselves that it helps makes better surgeons.

    one other option would be to bring in a moral element to give it balance, but no less fear. i.e. their is a secret council deciding whether or not to play the game.

    great work, my fav.


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    #10
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    It seems like you are jumping right into this story without any setup and some how you still used up 20 pages. You might just have a full idea here. But the opening pages of dialog seem like a lot to me to start with. If the actors play it out fine then it'll keep everyone's interest, but otherwise you could lose them.

    That being said, I'm hooked.

    Rebecca's I want you to play line is just too over the top. This scene might end better with her just giving him a suggestive smile or some more mysterious line.

    Kali's jab was written off with no feeling. This is a big moment, so let us savor it.

    I have to say this is some f'd up s*%t. My wife suggested a similar idea, I should listen to her more often. I think you could really stretch this into a nice low budget feature. You'll have to fight those slow moments, but you can fill it with sex. Good job on this genre!
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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