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    Member DarrenJSeeley's Avatar
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    Sep 2011
    Michigan, USA
    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_Keaton View Post
    Thanks guys. I know there is no monsters in this, but when can indie filmmkers pull off a good monster? .
    Oh, let me see...

    Night Of The Living Dead
    Evil Dead I and II

    Sorry. Just had to remind probably meant it in jest anyway.
    At first when I started to read this, I was starting to think it was close to that scene in the Dawn Of The Dead remake from 2005 where some of the survivors played a killgame with another survivor, shooting/sniping zombies that resembled (or were?) celebrities. Nope- it was actually normal people in a shopping mall and two killers. Horror wise, I found it slightly disappointing. Thriller-wise I also found it disappointing. There's two characters missing.

    Even if you still heald the reveal what or who is being shot at, the "checklist" suggests that there is another set of people somewhere - maybe even at the same location- having the same 'scavenger hunt' if you will.
    I don't mean it as an entirely bad thing, but I know you have done better.

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    Member dtroop506's Avatar
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    Jan 2012
    Schuylkill Haven, PA

    It's difficult to be fair to a script with such subject matter.
    If someone thinks it is a good script, it doesn't mean they support the actions portrayed.
    And someone shouldn't dismiss it just to save face.

    So, technically, you did a good job.
    You set out to trick the reader/viewer into believing they see two soldiers at war.
    You create a perfectly acceptable situation. We are conditioned to even cheer on the characters when they begin shooting because we believe they are fighting for a cause or their country, whatever.
    Then you do something very wonderful in your reveal.
    You take a seemingly acceptable situation and turn it into something horrific and totally immoral.
    The reader/viewer is thrust into a 180 degree turn. How could someone do this to their fellow man?

    But, there's the paradox.

    The only difference between acceptable and horrible is the identities of the victims.
    We don't see the horror in two soldiers shooting at enemies because those victims are not us.

    So on that level, you succeed and make us look at ourselves.

    However, if it were filmed...I doubt many people would stop to ponder that point.
    It would appear to be a heartless and mean-spirited film because there is no punishment for the snipers.

    So, off the record, I think you did a good job.

    I may be giving you too much credit, by this is what I derived from it.

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    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
    Tucson, AZ
    Thanks, dtroop, I like doing this little switcharoo sometimes in the hopes it makes people think.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)

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