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    #11
    Member Tequilawoo's Avatar
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    I felt your actors had a pretty good sense of urgency and I liked the overall look of the office scene.


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    #12
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    Kinda loved the cinematography. And the characters had personality. What I'm iffy on is what the tone was, which makes it tough for me to evaluate the short. The cinematography for me seemed to be that of a comedy, so I felt like laughing at some of the dialogue -- but I don't think that's actually what the film was going for. As a more dramatic film its a workable concept, but I think then the acting is somewhat over the top. Either way, some great production quality. Nice job


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    #13
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    I think the office setting took away from the subject matter. It was hard to tell who these guys were. A big drug congomerate? Not in that office - which looked like someone's bedroom. The dialog seemed to indicate that they were manufacturing the pills legally, but from where - a backyard lab? The acting was pretty good, the father and the employee came off pretty well, but the dialog was so on the nose that it ended up flat and much too expository. The girl and her boyfrind seemed a little stiff and the (SPOILER) drug trip was unimaginative and went on too long. You could see the ending coming a mile away.

    Still, some nice stuff in this one. Good effort.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #14
    Senior Member lawriejaffa's Avatar
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    Hey there bro I applaud what you attempted here - pretty clean cut morality tale.

    Also I recall the actor (which one was he - who played the father here?) he once played the devil in a TwilightFest film (and I loved that one, thought it was hilarious!) Anyway the set up is simple, but the execution is soooooo overlong.

    I kid you not when I venture this opinion - but - see the dialogue in the office? (okay you can't see it... but we can hear it so...) So - hear the dialogue that we see in the office? Damn it - still not right! hehe Okay, Here is the dialogue that you see on a script and hear in the film well that dialogue....

    That was how exciting it was to listen to the dialogue in your office scene - rambling and repetitious. We get it - ONE DUDE MADE THE DRUG - ONE DUDE SOLD THE DRUG. That could have been handled in 3 lines... The challenge over whether it should still be sold - perhaps just a line or two more. The real negative consequences of this drug should not have been discussed and batted - back and forth at tedium - but seen. Lets get those guys out the office... let them walk past an addicted bum on the street begging for cash (to get more white pills) - have a poke at popular media - maybe theres a tv ad in a shop window for the pills?

    Whatever it is - i think the film would have benefited from showing us the wider subtext of the white pill - to make the costs (to society) and the riches (for its sellar and inventer) more extreme, more climactic - instead of blah blah blah in the office.

    Finally the dream sequence of our lady taking her drugs (like the conversation) went on rather too long - longer than the Space Baby of Space Odyssey ;) (and her performance didn't exactly exude too much resistance to the taking of this controversial drug?)

    I think the actor playing the sellar of the drugs (has a lot of charisma and dynamism) which we've seen in the films before, but the nature of the dialogue and pauses/ edit made him seem i don't know?

    So perhaps a tighter edit - and showing rather than telling us would get more drama into this beast!
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    #15
    Senior Member Chris Messineo's Avatar
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    Cool little film - I like the "Drug War" angle you took for this Fest.

    I also really dug the effect you used for the drug and that last shots of the girl and the drive past the liquor store are chilling.

    As others have mentioned, the dialogue is much longer than necessary, you need to trust your visuals more.

    Best of luck in the Fest.


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    #16
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    Thanks so much for the feedback, guys. I definitely feel you on the drawn out dialogue. All the crit actually makes me excited to do another film. I can't wait to employ some of the advice I received here. If I have time before the next fest, I may start work on some personal projects now that I have a few resources.

    Thanks again, everyone. Good luck to everyone in the fest.


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    #17
    Senior Member ZazaCast's Avatar
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    I have to ride Lawrie's coattails again and agree with is indepth review. Great effort.


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    #18
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    I hate to ride Zaza's coattails while he's riding Lawrie's coattails, but all my thoughts are in Lawrie's post and anything I have to say would just be repetitive.
    The two main actors did a nice job, but were handicapped by the dialogue.

    I also echo Taylormade's point about the setting. This small office just didn't seem appropriate for the main distributor and the creator of the pill.

    I respect that you got out there and put a film together. I hope to be in your shoes in the not to distant future. Congratz.
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    #19
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    An interesting take on a difficult subject matter. I won't echo the criticisms, but will say good job on getting an entry completed and submitted.


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    #20
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    Most of my thoughts have been covered. I'll add that it bothered me a little bit that the drug had no name. It was just the "little white pill." Coming up with some sort of street name would have made the film feel more authentic, I think.

    Good job.
    Chris Johnson


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