Taylor - It's always good to hear a reader likes what you're putting out there.
I thought about trimming it down a little to get it within that 8 page limit, but then figured "whats the point in losing something if it's not going to be eligible anyway" so I just left it as it was.
Thanks for the kind words and for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it!
Alex - Great informative feedback as usual.
Cadence...Great advice, I really have to keep this in mind when I write my next script.
Like-info...This is the first time I remember hearing this term (and mentioned in "The Transmission"), something else I definitely have to keep in mind when writing. It just makes the information so much more clear and easy to read.
Good info about the THE choice (is that redundant ) File under more stuff I never really thought about while writing.
The initial scene describing the interior of the spaceship and how the aliens are formed...I struggled to get what was in my head to the page. You nailed it and made it clear to me how you got there, thank you.
Buddy Bear's back is broad, he stands tall, stares downward.
When I wrote this scene, my intent was to imply that the reader was seeing Buddy from behind, so you were not aware that he was speaking to a child's action figure. Is there a better way to get this across?
Obviously, I don't want to use actual camera directions.
On the last block of dialogue that you pointed out. I see what you mean. Is this better or something like it?
Come on Jack. Spill yer beans.
Where's yer secret hideout?
Buddy Bear points the gun at a nearby female action figure.
Tell me or lil Miss Susie pretty pant's gonna
Great feedback Alex! It's like getting a free writer's workshop, I always come away from you're critique feeling like a better writer.
I appreciate you taking the time to do it!
Thread: Buddy Bear
Results 11 to 11 of 11
06-26-2012 09:40 AMthe writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"
Need a short script? Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.