Thread: Signal

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    Signal
    #1
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    A strange transmission from the Asteroid Belt may lead to mankind's first contact with an alien race.

    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #2
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Welcome back.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
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    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #3
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    Thanks, Chris. Just got this one in - we did a 48 Hour Film Project last weekend and time was tight.
    Last edited by taylormade; 06-09-2012 at 07:42 AM.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #4
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Don't I finished my minutes before I uploaded it yesterday.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #5
    Member Craighoit's Avatar
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    Loved the ending. A line or two that twists everything. Thought the descriptions were good, painted a nice picture, and most of the dialog felt more-or-less right.

    This was a fantastic bit of scene description:

    Like some LSD induced conch shell carved from obsidian.

    A few of the scenes could have been ended a bit sooner. For example:

    Jones
    That's impossible.
    Warneck
    For any earth based technology.

    Not sure Warneck's line is buying you anything. End on the impossibility of it all, IMO.

    The bit about the captain "guaranteeing" anything... not sure it's needed either. I mean, both characters know it's dangerous, don't they...

    The "poo poo" seemed a touch wrong too. Either the guy is professional enough not to use that word (my expectation) or the whole thing is loose in an Aliens tort of way where it wouldn't need to be called out. I mean, I think I know what you're trying to do - paint this as WAY out of the ordinary - but I don't know that this is the right way to do it. (Not that I have anything against what is one of my favorite words...)

    That being said, a nice read with a good ending twist.

    Craig


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    #6
    Member Craighoit's Avatar
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    OK weird. The word F*ck just turned into poo poo. What are we, five years old?


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    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    "This isn't Star Trek." Hahah! Loved that line.

    I enjoyed the script. Initially I was worried that it would be average space science-y kind of fair, but the ending really snapped everything into place and made it very enjoyable. Poor aliens.
    Chris Johnson


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    #8
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    Also curious if you're a Babylon 5 fan. The poster and use of the name "Agamemnon" made me wonder.
    Chris Johnson


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    #9
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    No, I was thinking along the line of Greek mythology rather than Babylon. But it may have creeped in there without me realizing it.

    The poster was something I whipped up from scratch in VUE and Poser Pro. My concept of an asteroid field.
    Last edited by taylormade; 06-14-2012 at 10:24 AM.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #10
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    Cool. Just curious.
    Chris Johnson


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