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    #21
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    I always like your writing. (specifically "A Clockwork Darkened" great dark stuff)
    I liked the set up in the beginning, making a personal connection with Cord, with the wife and the Father's ashes. Just would like to see it comeback around and pay off somehow. I like the idea you noted in an earlier post about Cord being on the phone with his wife. That would be a great personal connection to come back to.

    You create some good visuals, I also felt some of Cord's dialogue at the end feels a little forced. But I like the idea as a whole.

    Creeping Death? Is this a nod to Metallica? If not, I like it either way.

    I love the tension and great visual setup of the end.

    Behind his hand he spots thousands of shooting stars falling
    from the sky. (I could really see this and it looks awesome)


    ALIEN PA SYSTEM
    Sterilization in 5..4...


    A cacophony of insectile chitters, alien screams, and other
    terrifying noises emit from the containment ship. ( good scary tension)


    ALIEN PA SYSTEM
    3...2...1...
    FLASH

    open ended and I think it works really well this way.

    Overall I enjoyed the read.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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    #22
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    Nov 2008
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    Tucson, AZ
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    Thanks! By the way 'A Clockwork Darkened' is in preproduction. I hope they pull it off....and pull it off well.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #23
    Member Craighoit's Avatar
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    A Clockwork Darkened. Great title. I'm going to have to take a read!


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    #24
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris_Keaton View Post
    Thanks! By the way 'A Clockwork Darkened' is in preproduction. I hope they pull it off....and pull it off well.
    That's great news. I'd like to see the final product. I hope they do your script justice.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


    Reply With Quote
     

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