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    #11
    Senior Member taylormade's Avatar
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    Funny script. Spot on spoof of Plan Nine. Certainly a different approch from most of the other scripts in the fest. Nice job.
    "If they move, kill'em!"


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    #12
    Knight of the Holy Order krestofre's Avatar
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    Yeah ... those character names are ... riiiiiight.

    Anyway, for the type of script you set out to right, you did very well.

    Thanks for entering the fest!
    Chris Johnson


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    #13
    Senior Member STYLZ's Avatar
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    HAHAHA. What a fun read. Very entertaining. I chuckled a few times. Laughed too. The only 2 things that drew me out of the story for a second were 1. The two brothers interactions seem artificial at first. Who calls each other by their first names while stalking in the woods? Especially brothers. 2. The ending seemed a little unrealistic with the "I love him". And why would they have to kill him? Other than that..you obviously have a knack for comedy. Reminds me of Evil Dead style comedy. Thanks for sharing.


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    #14
    Senior Member Egg Born Son's Avatar
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    This is a brave script. Whether this is brilliantly funny or juvenile and reprehensible is going to depend on everyone involved nailing it. Reading it with the perfect actors hitting the right ham tone with the right edit and music etc I was thoroughly entertained. It will need a high production value even if aiming for a stylised low production value. This is something good actors could have a lot of fun hamming it up. It would be a fun production to be involved in. And you could invite the crew to the casting session in lieu of paying them!


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    #15
    ScriptFEST Mod Chris_Keaton's Avatar
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    I should give you heck for your out of the norm cover, but it says 52D, so I can't.


    - Need an extra space above the scene headings to make it easier to read.
    - Action blocks should contain some action. I guess I'm arguing that a command boards lights twinkling isn't action.
    - Major Mammary! lol
    - Examine room? Examination Room, maybe? Another empty white room is a description, but I think you can drop 'Another'.
    - A cup, sick.

    This was an entertaining piece.
    Chris Keaton - Writer | Website | Email | imdb |
    ______________________________________________
    Samurai ScriptFest: A Dream of Electric Revolution (1st Place)
    Suspense ScriptFest: A Clockwork Darkened(2nd Place)
    Trapped ScriptFest: Trapped (3rd Place)


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    #16
    Member DarrenJSeeley's Avatar
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    Nailed the sci-fi B exploitation gag with one big bulls-eye. If there was T & A it could pass for one of those types of films. Good or bad thing? It's subjective, I 'spose...but the only main detractor is that font on the titlle page.


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    #17
    Member Craighoit's Avatar
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    Lord, I love bo*bies! OK, that out of the way. Fun read. Nice quality of being "artificial" (no pun intended) in the way the characters spoke, the improbable "love" at the end, etc. You were parodying a type of film and you did it very well. The one thing that threw me off - and perhaps I didn't read it too carefully as I was thinking about the alien's assets, is the relationship between the two women - were they mother and daughter? If so, why?

    Craig


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    #18
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    Nice fun, light read.

    I'm not quite sure what to offer in way of feedback. I feel like you did exactly what you wanted to. And of course it was a comedy so it has an entirely different criteria(namely, humor).

    I enjoyed. I found it pretty fun. Several lines made me chuckle outright.

    Well done.


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    #19
    Member dtroop506's Avatar
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    Thanks, everybody!

    I suppose the reviews are all in, so I will respond to them in order.

    #11 taylormade
    Thanks for comparing me to the worst movie of all time.
    I deliberately took a different approach because there was no way I could go toe-to-toe with you sci-fi geeks. Also, I love 50's sci-fi B-movies.

    #12 krestofre
    Thanks. The type of script I set out to write? Hopefully a funny one.

    #13 STYLZ
    Thanks.
    Everything in this script was meant to be "artificial." You may be too young to remember the bad 50's sci-fi movies, but the dialogue was terrible and the acting was either stiff or embarrassingly over the top.
    I had the brothers call each other by name incase this would get produced - I wanted the audience to know their names without giving them name tags.
    Again, the male and female leads always fell in love in these movies no matter how unrealistic it seemed.

    #14 Egg Born Son
    Thanks. I see the tone being consistant with the tone of old 50's sci-fi B-movies. They were extremely serious, even when you had fifty foot spiders attacking the town.

    #15 Keaton
    Thanks.
    Say what you want about the poster. It got a lot of views.
    Will you stop bugging me about the space above the scene headings, already?
    Okay, you got me on Examine Room. At least my characters don't climb to the peeks of mountains.

    #16 DarrenJSeeley
    Thanks. You were seriously bothered by the font? I'm glad I didn't use wing dings.

    #17 Craighoit
    Thanks.
    The two women were not mother and daughter. If you go back you'll see it was just a joke.

    #18 ZellJr
    Thanks.
    The fact that you laughed was the best feedback I could hope for.


    Thanks again for all your comments.
    You guys rock.




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    #20
    Senior Member Russell Moore's Avatar
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    What a spot on spoof with boobies to spare. Can't go wrong with bikinis and hillbillies. Oh and by the way we have to kill you afterwards, no explanation needed. You don't need it here with the tone you set.
    I like that Mitchell doesn't recognize Mammary after she puts clothes on. lol

    Very fun script to read. Thanks.
    the writer formerly known as "Conlan Forever"

    Need a short script?
    Have an idea? Want to collaborate? Contact me.

    screenwriter75@yahoo.com


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