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    #71
    Senior Member Hawk Teflon's Avatar
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    Spoiler-y review:

    Note: I've intentionally not read any reviews of the shorts until I post mine because I don't want to be swayed one way or another, so there will be plenty of duplication in this, but maybe I can add more:

    What I liked: The freaking cast. Looked really good. Also liked the use of the uniforms. At first I didn't understand why the US was fighting the US, but then realized it could be a modern day Civil War. Interesting concept (if that was what it was). The action scenes looked pretty good, too.

    What I didn't like as much: The audio. The ADR made it rough. It sounds like it was recorded indoors, but the scene is outside. There's no depth to the voices like there would be sitting in an open area like that. I could be wrong, but it looks like your shutter was a little high for the scenes. For the most part, try to keep your shutter at 2x frame rate or it'll look "too sharp" and jarring. The 50 or 60 (depending on frame rate) will have enough motion blur to look normal. Once the action started, it was alright given the motion and camera moves. I'm sure Doc can take this better than I can, but the sounds of the guns didn't seem accurate to me, and I don't know about guns. So that means that someone that DOES will probably think, "That was a pistol round coming from that AR15." Also, was that guy using a shotgun for distance? It got a little dark in the woods. Could have been from your high shutter. The ending needed a little room to "breathe." It seemed very rushed. Let the scene take place. I know he's dying, but he won't die until you, the director, tell him to. A little silence from speaking won't hurt.

    I know I'm heavy on the second half there, but most of those are small changes that can be made, AND they're just my opinion. I definitely think you're getting better. I'm not used to your serious stuff.


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    #72
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    Vivid visuals, fast pacing (until the death scene which felt a little slow to me) and true in-the-moment/action WAR. A different approach from the rest of the fest (which actually surprises me, that more didn't go for the wham-bam-pow feel) and refreshing in that respect. I also think it suffered a little bit from middleground-edness: it was like super crazy action flick but then also as if somebody tried to jam a poignant story in at the end, and it all happened so suddenly that I was left a bit confused. I don't mean that one need focus on either purely action or purely story, but I think a more consistent narrative direction/tone would've helped me out. Still, loved the truly action-packed-ness of this short!!


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    #73
    Senior Member JaceBrownlow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluemanrocks View Post
    Vivid visuals, fast pacing (until the death scene which felt a little slow to me) and true in-the-moment/action WAR. A different approach from the rest of the fest (which actually surprises me, that more didn't go for the wham-bam-pow feel) and refreshing in that respect. I also think it suffered a little bit from middleground-edness: it was like super crazy action flick but then also as if somebody tried to jam a poignant story in at the end, and it all happened so suddenly that I was left a bit confused. I don't mean that one need focus on either purely action or purely story, but I think a more consistent narrative direction/tone would've helped me out. Still, loved the truly action-packed-ness of this short!!
    thanks for the feedback!


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    #74
    Senior Member JaceBrownlow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawk Teflon View Post
    Spoiler-y review:

    Note: I've intentionally not read any reviews of the shorts until I post mine because I don't want to be swayed one way or another, so there will be plenty of duplication in this, but maybe I can add more:

    What I liked: The freaking cast. Looked really good. Also liked the use of the uniforms. At first I didn't understand why the US was fighting the US, but then realized it could be a modern day Civil War. Interesting concept (if that was what it was). The action scenes looked pretty good, too.

    What I didn't like as much: The audio. The ADR made it rough. It sounds like it was recorded indoors, but the scene is outside. There's no depth to the voices like there would be sitting in an open area like that. I could be wrong, but it looks like your shutter was a little high for the scenes. For the most part, try to keep your shutter at 2x frame rate or it'll look "too sharp" and jarring. The 50 or 60 (depending on frame rate) will have enough motion blur to look normal. Once the action started, it was alright given the motion and camera moves. I'm sure Doc can take this better than I can, but the sounds of the guns didn't seem accurate to me, and I don't know about guns. So that means that someone that DOES will probably think, "That was a pistol round coming from that AR15." Also, was that guy using a shotgun for distance? It got a little dark in the woods. Could have been from your high shutter. The ending needed a little room to "breathe." It seemed very rushed. Let the scene take place. I know he's dying, but he won't die until you, the director, tell him to. A little silence from speaking won't hurt.

    I know I'm heavy on the second half there, but most of those are small changes that can be made, AND they're just my opinion. I definitely think you're getting better. I'm not used to your serious stuff.
    thanks for the review! Yes, we didnt actually have a sound person on the team as they hard to drop out at the last minute, we had to learn as we went along. Most of it audio right off the camera so it sounded a little scratchy. hopefully next time we'll have a sound team with us


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    #75
    Member Zach Olson's Avatar
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    Jace! I love the idea of the 2nd Civil War. The fight scene was great and the bad commander was well cast. All of your locations are beautiful! Minor gripe but facial hair for someone in the US military... Your film was pushing the limit (6 minutes) on the time. We got right away with the "Conner?" line that these two guys know each other. After Robbie gets shot there should have been hardly any dialog. Something like, "Robbie? Robbie!" Shakes him a bit. Robbie, "It's OK baby brothe..." Conner, "No, no. No!" He holds him, tears flowing down face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry big brother, I'm sorry." Or something like that. More showing, less talking. That would have told us everything we needed to know. I think it would have also helped show the dynamic difference in the "good" side and the "bad" side. Gives the younger brother a chance for redemption. Instead of killing him at the end it may have been better to have him stop, realize Robbie is gone, take his patch or dog tags, stand, and say, "Not in vain." (ok, that line would need more work but you get the idea.) Overall great entry! Looking forward to whatever you produce next!


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    #76
    Senior Member JaceBrownlow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zach Olson View Post
    Jace! I love the idea of the 2nd Civil War. The fight scene was great and the bad commander was well cast. All of your locations are beautiful! Minor gripe but facial hair for someone in the US military... Your film was pushing the limit (6 minutes) on the time. We got right away with the "Conner?" line that these two guys know each other. After Robbie gets shot there should have been hardly any dialog. Something like, "Robbie? Robbie!" Shakes him a bit. Robbie, "It's OK baby brothe..." Conner, "No, no. No!" He holds him, tears flowing down face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry big brother, I'm sorry." Or something like that. More showing, less talking. That would have told us everything we needed to know. I think it would have also helped show the dynamic difference in the "good" side and the "bad" side. Gives the younger brother a chance for redemption. Instead of killing him at the end it may have been better to have him stop, realize Robbie is gone, take his patch or dog tags, stand, and say, "Not in vain." (ok, that line would need more work but you get the idea.) Overall great entry! Looking forward to whatever you produce next!
    Thanks man! Appreciate the feedback!
    And all the writing came from my brother who wrote this from his experience in Iraq/Afghanistan, I just sort of directed what he wrote. I will pass on your notes to him


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    #77
    cool little "title" Charli's Avatar
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    Concept of a second civil war, good one, however, don't think it was well executed as I couldn't really tell one group from another. If such a thing were to occur, I do believe there would be a stark difference in modern age on the costumes. Having said that however, you did acquire quite a few believable costumes and weapons.

    I am not a fan of the battle sequence because honestly, you couldn't really "see" what was going on. You filmed a soldier shooting a machine gun, for all I know he could have aimed at the trees. I didn't "feel" the battle. While many here say it's ambitious, you still have to "show us" the story.

    First victim took a piss, sunglasses on top of his head. On the ground his sunglasses were on. How does that happen? Small details are sooo important.

    Death scene, you should have shot the guy in the arms, legs, whatever, then may-be (and that's not a likely maybe) I would have believed he could have spouted all of that dialogue while bleeding out. Shoot him in the chest and uh, he got off a TREMENDOUS amount of dialogue. Didn't work for me.

    Stereotypical bad-ass SGT. also didn't work for me.

    Good concept. Good props. Good costumes (for the most part). Story lacking.
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
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    #78
    Senior Member JaceBrownlow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Charli View Post
    Concept of a second civil war, good one, however, don't think it was well executed as I couldn't really tell one group from another. If such a thing were to occur, I do believe there would be a stark difference in modern age on the costumes. Having said that however, you did acquire quite a few believable costumes and weapons.

    I am not a fan of the battle sequence because honestly, you couldn't really "see" what was going on. You filmed a soldier shooting a machine gun, for all I know he could have aimed at the trees. I didn't "feel" the battle. While many here say it's ambitious, you still have to "show us" the story.



    First victim took a piss, sunglasses on top of his head. On the ground his sunglasses were on. How does that happen? Small details are sooo important.

    Death scene, you should have shot the guy in the arms, legs, whatever, then may-be (and that's not a likely maybe) I would have believed he could have spouted all of that dialogue while bleeding out. Shoot him in the chest and uh, he got off a TREMENDOUS amount of dialogue. Didn't work for me.

    Stereotypical bad-ass SGT. also didn't work for me.

    Good concept. Good props. Good costumes (for the most part). Story lacking.

    the tricky thing about the production was, it took place in an environment were actual shooting was going on as it was a real shooting range, and they didnt like us being there. So we were forced to rush through it as best as we could while also not getting shot ourselves :p so we didnt have time to pay attention to the little details. If I had a week to shoot this thing it would have been a lot better.
    We had 0 budget, all the costumes were found from friends, and the guns were my brother who is an actual veteran (he also wrote the story/script)
    Dialog was our weak point as none of us had done anything like this before. But we learned a lot from the reviews.


    In general I think we did pretty good for what little we had to work with, and I thank you for the review!


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